Now there have been some vile and speciest rumors that The Dread One is not qualified to run for President because he was spawned from the stars, or possibly the planet Vhoorl, but I assure you that I have personally seen his
birth spawn certificate in person when I travelled to his birth place of Sunnydale, California and it is perfectly legit. In fact here is a picture of on the right. Ok, so it’s not exactly a long form, but I have been assured by experts that it is just as good — tastier, in fact.
Why vote for Cthulhu, you say?
How dare you question the masters of the universe who have anointed him… er, that is, Cthulhu is the TRUE change candidate. Things will never be the same after Cthulhu has been unleashed elected. Unlike some previous and now obsolete Change candidates, Cthulhu never over-promises and under-delivers. Quite the contrary, Cthulhu makes no promises and delivers complete, utter, equal opportunity destruction. Rich and poor, young and old, left and right, all will be devoured. There will be no cronyism, you can bet your last dollar on that! And you might as well, since you won’t be spending it anyway after he gets you. That reminds me, he is also the ultimate campaign finance reform candidate, since he needs NO monetary contributions. Truly a paragon.
Support real, lasting, and panic-stricken change. Vote Cthulhu!