The Sith Lord Speaks


Smooth talking devil, ain’t he?

I have more than a passing familiarity with Naughty Newtie. While he was still Speaker of the House he was my semester research project in a college class on the legislative process.

Newt was one of the first politicians to understand and master the Art of the Soundbyte. He realized that to get quoted on television you need to come up with short but effective statements, so he trained his minions with his techniques in a GOPAC memo entitled “Language: A Key Mechanism of Control.”:

Contrasting Words

Often we search hard for words to help us define our opponents. Sometimes we are hesitant to use contrast. Remember that creating a difference helps you. These are powerful words that can create a clear and easily understood contrast. Apply these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party.

decay… failure (fail)… collapse(ing)… deeper… crisis… urgent(cy)… destructive… destroy… sick… pathetic… lie… liberal… they/them… unionized bureaucracy… “compassion” is not enough… betray… consequences… limit(s)… shallow… traitors… sensationalists…

endanger… coercion… hypocrisy… radical… threaten… devour… waste… corruption… incompetent… permissive attitudes… destructive… impose… self-serving… greed… ideological… insecure… anti-(issue): flag, family, child, jobs… pessimistic… excuses… intolerant…

stagnation… welfare… corrupt… selfish… insensitive… status quo… mandate(s)… taxes… spend(ing)… shame… disgrace… punish (poor…)… bizarre… cynicism… cheat… steal… abuse of power… machine… bosses… obsolete… criminal rights… red tape… patronage

Optimistic Positive Governing Words

Use the list below to help define your campaign and your vision of public service. These words can help give extra power to your message. In addition, these words help develop the positive side of the contrast you should create with your opponent, giving your community something to vote for!

share… change… opportunity… legacy… challenge… control… truth… moral… courage… reform… prosperity… crusade… movement… children… family… debate… compete… active(ly)… we/us/our… candid(ly)… humane… pristine… provide…

liberty… commitment… principle(d)… unique… duty… precious… premise… care(ing)… tough… listen… learn… help… lead… vision… success… empower(ment)… citizen… activist… mobilize… conflict… light… dream… freedom…

peace… rights… pioneer… proud/pride… building… preserve… pro-(issue): flag, children, environment… reform… workfare… eliminate good-time in prison… strength… choice/choose… fair… protect… confident… incentive… hard work… initiative… common sense… passionate


The Newtster’s main Achilles’ heel is hubris, but he also suffers from regular bouts of Biden’s Disease (aka “diarrhea of the mouth”) and Dropped Trou.


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19 Responses to The Sith Lord Speaks

  1. Mimi says:

    Newt looks and sounds like something that has curdled to me. Like cheese before it becomes cheese. Slightly rotting may be more accurate.

    OT but funny:
    September 08, 2011
    Bonus Quote of the Day
    “Rick Perry has not won elections in Texas because he is loved. He has won because he sticks a fork in his opponent’s eyeballs.”
    — Republican consultant Alex Castellanos, quoted by Politico.

  2. During his speaker days, I remember being scared by the fact that his favorite author was Asimov, his favorite book Foundation and he actually believed in psychohistory. The reason I was scared was because it was as someone peeked into my own brain. Not happy having things in common with Newt. But dumb he ain’t.

  3. myiq2xu says:

    REMINDER:

    We will be live-blogging the NFL season opener tonight.

    This will be an Obama-free zone from 7 pm – 12 am eastern (4 pm – 9 pm pacific)

  4. WMCB says:

    Newt is a very very smart man, despite being a massive douche at times. And when he is “just talking”, and not seeking anything in particular, he can be interesting and insightful and thoughtful. I would not discount everything he says as spin. He’s often right.

    That said, he’s one who should be kept far, far away from power. Power is like the One True Ring for him, and does nasty things to his psyche and soul. He’s much healthier mentally in a professorial or advisory role. Just keep him away from the Ring, and he has useful talents and sometimes good analysis.

  5. DeniseVB says:

    Newt’s theory must work…..he’s one of only 3 debaters being talked about today. 🙂

  6. Dario says:

    Newt is about the only Republican that would almost force me to vote for Obama. (Nah, I’d vote third party.) Newt is filled with hate, and everything that comes from him is corrupted and disgusting.

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