Friday Funnies

the beer is normal

You might be a redneck if:

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
6. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
7. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
8. Your grandmother has ‘ammo’ on her Christmas list.
9. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
10. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

This is an open thread.

About Myiq2xu - BA, JD, FJB

I was born and raised in a different country - America. I don't know what this place is.
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61 Responses to Friday Funnies

  1. Klown says:
  2. 1539days says:

    Actually, the Salvation Army is kind of picky about donations of furniture.

    • Lulu says:

      Absolutely. Once they turn their nose up you start putting things on the curb with a FREE sign taped on it. I put a child’s desk, an old monitor, a wonky TV, a box of kitchen junk, and an ugly patio/beach chair on the curb Friday. Every bit of it was long gone Saturday morning. I’m tired of surly collection point Goodwill workers. I’ll just throw it out there for someone else to use or sell.

      • Klown says:

        We used to have an annual event they called Spring Clean-up Week but we called Okie Shopping Days. Anything you wanted to get rid of you just put it by the curb by Monday morning and the city would come by during the week and haul it to the dump for free.

        If you got there before the city (or anyone else) you could take whatever you wanted. First come, first serve, you haul.

        Now you have to take everything to “designed collection points” on Saturdays and only the city workers can keep what they want. Plus they get overtime.

        • Lulu says:

          The city here would probably like that but we don’t ask we just do it. The city does a general junk collection on Mondays but you have to call to request it by Friday afternoon. But this is a small city and people don’t ask permission. I saw junk put out on the curb with a sign put up after a garage sale that said “Free Crap”.

          • Klown says:

            Years ago the county dump raised the prices sky-high so people started dumping crap on country roads. Then the county had to pay work crews to pick the stuff up and haul it to the dump.

            The Law of Unintended Consequences in action.

      • swanspirit says:

        FREECYCLE is wonderful ! put “it ” on the list , whatever it is is gone in a day ! And once you offer something , you can ask for items you may need ! Curb alerts are ok , too So pfffft Goodwill !

        • Klown says:

          We had one group here that was accepting donations from people that didn’t even know they wanted to donate. The truck would show up while people were at work and select the donations, then sell them and keep the money.

  3. driguana says:

    like the Dalai Lama’s thought for this funky Friday…guess I might need to start prayin’ some…

    A compassionate community will not be achieved only through prayer; I pray myself, but I accept its limitations. We need to take action to develop compassion, to create inner peace within ourselves and to share that inner peace with our family and friends. Peace and warm-heartedness can then spread through the community just as ripples radiate out across the water when you drop a pebble into a pond.

    • Klown says:

      To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

      • Klown says:

        The bay-trees in our country are all wither’d
        And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
        The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
        And lean-look’d prophets whisper fearful change;
        Rich men look sad and ruffians dance and leap,
        The one in fear to lose what they enjoy,
        The other to enjoy by rage and war:
        These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
        – Richard II

  4. Klown says:
    • Lulu says:

      That is very cool. Good work.

    • helenk3 says:

      that is great. did you have fun watching the kids learn ? you may have started the next great filmmaker on their way

      • driguana says:

        Let’s hope so…especially independent films which is waht we were trying to stimulate…low budget, creative young filmmakers of all persuasions….northern NM is such an awesome place for that….only missing the ocean…but they can just CGI that nowadays….SF Studios is quite a landmark actually…..sits on a high outside of the city like some large, sacred megalith….in fact, the studio is designed so that when all of the buildings are completed there will be a long main boulevard oriented toward where the sun rises on the summer solstice and it will shine all along the boulevard on that day….very cool. But perhaps the most interesting aspect of it is that on one side is the County jail, and across the street is the State Penitentiary….there is really nothing else of commercial value that could have happened with this County owned property…..I used to refer to it as the “incarceration zone” but now I call it “Holy Wood”.

  5. driguana says:

    Our whole diplomatic entourage is nothing but bundlers….whatever happened to foreign service diplomats?

  6. DandyTIger says:

    Bob pokes tingles:

    In one large aspect, your society is run by a guild of media priests. This rather crazy person is part of that ruling priesthood.

  7. helenk3 says:

    another little sneaky thing from the backtrack bunch.

    common cause data mines the kids

  8. Klown says:

    Sick fuck:

    On the eve of his military trial, accused Fort Hood shooter Maj. Nidal Hasan released seven pages of handwritten and typed documents to Fox News in which he appears to renounce his U.S. citizenship, abandons his military oath as a commissioned officer, and explains his relationship with radical cleric Anwar al-Awlaki — the first American targeted for death by the CIA.

    Most of the documents also include the acronym “SoA,” which is considered shorthand for “Soldier of Allah.” Hasan’s business card, also bearing “SoA,” was found in his Texas apartment after the shooting.

    Hasan’s attorney for civil matters, John Galligan, verified the authenticity of the documents and the signature, adding that the 42-year-old Army major, who is acting as his own attorney, directed him to provide the writings to Fox News.

    “He represented to me that he either personally wrote in longhand or typed the statements at issue,” Galligan said. “All of the documents were prepared by Major Nidal Hasan and were sent, at his specific request, to your network.”

    The documents may help illuminate Hasan’s state of mind and could challenge the Defense Department’s attempt to deal with the attack in the context of “workplace violence.”

    I hope they send his ass to see Allah.

    • DeniseVB says:

      I can’t believe how nice we’re treating him. Resigned his commission? Then stop paying him !

    • helenk3 says:

      I hope the victims finally get some kind of justice both from finding him guilty of acts of terror and treason and from the dept of crime that called it workplace violence rather then an act of terror. These people deserve the benefits that they were cheated out of getting dating from the time of the attack

  9. DeniseVB says:

    Smithsonian IS NOT trying to obtain Teh Hoodie:

    Though I thought it would look adorable next to the Seinfeld Puffy Shirt.

  10. NewOrleans says:

    Charlie Rangel: Tea Party Is ‘Same Group’ Of ‘White Crackers’ Who Fought Civil Rights

    • helenk3 says:

      should anyone tell him it was the democrats that fought against civil rights

      • 49erDweet says:

        It wouldn’t do any good. He can’t hear anyone. He’s insane and only listens to himself.

      • Carmelo Clandestine says:

        This zombie half-truth again? 🙄

        The two corporate parties swapped many of their traditional constituencies since the 1950s.

        The kind of Dems who fought against civil rights defected to the GOP after the GOP instituted the “Southern Strategy” under Goldwater and, more successfully, Nixon and beyond.

  11. helenk3 says:

    this bunch as refined stupid into an art form

  12. Klown says:
  13. votermom says:

    @RBPundit & some of his followers are threatening to block me for criticizing Rubio. 🙄

  14. Carmelo Clandestine says:

    My fave:

    “If you see a sign that says, SAY NO TO CRACK, and it reminds you to pull your jeans up…you might be a redneck.” :mrgreen:

  15. driguana says:

    have a funky Friday…

Comments are closed.