Date: October 1, 2013
Location: Underground Bunker
To whom it may concern:
I am writing this in hopes that some future generation will find it and learn our fate. Last night, our government shut down. Surprisingly I still have electricity and internet, but there is no telling how much longer it will last. I have enough food and water to hold out for about six months. Unfortunately I only have a few weeks worth of beer.
A little while ago I went outside to do some reconnaissance. It was eerily calm and quiet. The widow next door waved at me and said “Hello” all friendly and stuff but I didn’t fall for it cuz I know she was an Obama supporter. So I shot her and left the carcass laying in her driveway for the other cannibals to find.
I don’t know why the government shut down. The news people said it was the Tea Baggers that caused it, but I also heard that President Obama refused to negotiate with terrorist Republicans. They told me that if I voted for Mitt Romney this would happen.
I should have listened.
I just wish I knew how to make methane out of pig shit. It’s gonna be cold this winter.