We Were Like Superheroes


WMCB should like this one from Paula Bolyard at Bra and Panties Media:

How Did We Survive Childhood Before the ’90s Safety Nannies Came Along?

When our first son was born in 1991 we were told to lay him on his tummy at naptime — never, ever on his back because it would increase his risk of choking and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). By the time our second child came along in 1994 the experts had decided that parents should never, ever let their children sleep on their stomachs because it increased the risk of choking and SIDS. A month after he was born the experts told us that we needed to buy a wedge that forced our son to sleep on his side. This would prevent choking and lower the risk of SIDS. Thus was our introduction to our generation’s obsession with hypervigilant parenting.

[…]

When I was growing up (mostly in the ’70s), my parents had no idea where my brother and I were or what we were doing most of the day when school was out. During the summer, we’d leave the house in the morning and wouldn’t return until dinner time, often at the behest of our parents. After dinner we would play outdoors until it got dark. If our parents wanted us to come home, they would shout our names out the back door (our more refined neighbors would turn on the porch light). If we were out of earshot or ignored their calls, there were consequences miserable enough to keep us close to home the next time.

We organized epic neighborhood kick-the-can marathons and kickball games without the help of our parents. We settled squabbles and rivalries with heated arguments that sometimes led to shoving matches — or if a really egregious injustice had been committed, we hurled rocks. We participated in some organized sports, but they were not the center of our parents’ universe — a lawn in need of mowing generally took precedence over a softball game. Because we only had one car and my dad drove it to work every day, if we wanted to go to the local pool or the library (2 miles away) we rode our bikes (sometimes two to a bike), walked, or even roller skated.

[…]

Somehow, we survived all this independence and freedom, mostly unscathed. And somehow, we managed to produce some of the greatest innovators the world has ever know. I realize that we can’t go back — we live in a day and age when busybody neighbors will call social services if they see your kids unattended in the wild.

But it’s worth thinking about the consequences of raising a generation or two of bubble kids and definitely worth considering how we can give our kids more unstructured time to invent, to create, and to imagine — to just be – free from structure and hovering helicopter parents. Because it’s becoming apparent that all the hovering and over-parenting, rather than helping our kids, has led to a generation of approval-seeking, naval-gazing, adult dependents who cannot navigate the world of adulthood without Buzzfeed or a government official telling them what to do and what to think about everything.


By current standards everyone born before the Gen-X/Millenial generations was abused AND neglected, and yet most of us still managed to have happy childhoods. We were Tonka tough. We were like superheroes.

Car seats? We didn’t even have seatbelts! When we weren’t climbing on something we were jumping off it. Before I reached high school I don’t think I had a single pair of pants I didn’t wear out the knees on, including my Sunday school pants I wasn’t supposed to play in.

We were expected to watch out for ourselves. We not only crossed the street by ourselves, we played in it. We swam without lifeguards, sometimes in pools, often in the creek. We didn’t have floaties either. We played tackle football without pads or helmets. We had dirt clod fights. We played a game we called “smear the queer” that was basically a cross between rugby and tag.

We got our hands swatted, our faces slapped and our butts spanked, and not always by our parents. If the neighbor lady smacked your bottom for misbehaving you didn’t tell your parents because they would beat your ass too. I got whipped with belts, metal flyswatters and an occasional “switch” which was basically a tree limb trimmed up to maximize the stimulus to a kid’s gluteal region. And by “gluteal region” I am referring to the area from the hamstrings to the thoracic vertebrae.

I shudder to think how I would have turned out if the maximum penalty I was facing was a “time out”, although I got those too.

Sometimes we needed medical attention to repair the damage we inflicted on ourselves and each other. Bruises my get a rub and a kiss. My grandma used to treat scrapes and scratches with “salve,” which I later found out was made for treating horses. It smelled horrible and stung like hell. My mom liked to use merthiolate, which was this magical red stuff that was supposed to fix anything. (Later the FDA decided it wasn’t safe and banned it.)

Every so often one of us required professional attention, for stitches or a cast. This was considered very cool, and you got to show it off to everybody. (Chicks dig scars) But our injuries never seemed to slow us down for long.

Today’s kids have been pussified. Even the girls back then were tougher than the boys are now, and they wore dresses!


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139 Responses to We Were Like Superheroes

  1. The Klown says:

    FYI: Our stats have been gradually declining around here, and after careful consideration I have concluded it due to me being too nice. I just haven’t been rude and offensive like I used to be.

    That’s why I am instituting a new policy of intentionally using rude and/or offensive language in every post.

    • 1539days says:

      I would blame it on the fact that your writing is shit.

      This is assuming everyone else can now use rude and offensive language.

    • Somebody says:

      Perhaps the dip is due to spring fever, we did have a pretty cold winter maybe people are getting out and enjoying the fresh air. Do you have a way to go back and look at previous years to see if there is usually a dip in the spring? Are you looking at some kind of average? You’ve had days when you got tons of hits from a post, days like that could skew an average.

      Like Lulu I haven’t been online as much lately due to personal reasons. I have a lot of things going on right now. I still pop on and read the posts, but I don’t always comment.

      • foxyladi14 says:

        Same here. 😀

      • DeniseVB says:

        It’s definitely spring fever in the east. Long, insufferable winter, even the 50’s feel good.

      • cynic says:

        For me, it’s definitely the weather. After a very long winter here in the Midwest, we finally had a week of Spring weather. I have spent at least 25 hrs. this week cleaning out my flower beds. By the time I come in the house, clean up, cook dinner, I’m sleeping by 8:00.

        During those cold months, I know I visited your site at least 15x during the day.

        BTW, I loved your post yesterday, and the comments as well!

    • 49erDweet says:

      Cussation is not causation. Stats are down all over. Times are getting weirder.

      • DeniseVB says:

        I just realized Congress has been on a 2, TWO, week Spring Break. That definitely affects the web traffic. It’s down all around, even Drudge seems to be barely updating 😉

  2. Lulu says:

    I have limited my personal time online so I may be part of the stat shrinkage. I decided I needed to get more shit done and being online was not doing my attitude (which is always chancy at best) any good. Being old is fine but being old and surly is not.

    I agree with the running wild when we were kids. We rode bikes all over town, were given small amounts of money to go to the “little” store or Dairy Queen and get ice cream by ourselves. I lived in an area with very large oak trees which we climbed like monkeys. We never fell out of them. When our parents came looking for us they usually were looking up. Boys built “forts” of which my brother was an expert and went on to become an architect. Boys and girls set things on fire regularly but hey that is what the fire department was there for. The weekly trip to the library was very important. Not only did our parents read even the dumb kid’s parents made them pretend they were going to read what they checked out. Late in the afternoon when it was very hot was time to be still and read. And yes neighbors would correct you. Our favorite was an old guy who would yell “Hey, you, cut that shit out.” It was hilarious because our parents didn’t curse.

  3. swanspirit says:

    Those were the days my friends ………..I was the despair of my poor mother . I looked like a girly girl , had the requisite blonde hair , and blue eyes ; but, I could outrun any boy in the neighborhood , always had scabby knees from climbing , or falling . I once hit someone who was picking on my baby brother with a toy truck . I rode my bike everywhere , snuck out of my house after midnight and went roaming the neighborhood with my best friend and didn’t sneak back until the milkman was making deliveries . My mother from time to time , actually tried to make me sit still and let her curl my hair lol .

  4. elliesmom says:

    Today’s parents not only worry about what kind of car seats kids should have, they fight with each other about whether it’s OK for kids to wear coats in the car because it makes the car seat less effective. And don’t ask for help recovering one on a sewing blog because you’ll get regaled with all of the reasons why you can’t do that. Better the kids sit in smelly seats.

    My daughter will be 40 this year, and she has a 7 year old son. Their neighborhood is bounded by busy streets, but inside that boundary is the equivalent of a large city block with quiet side streets. He’s allowed to ride his bike, his scooter, his roller skates anywhere inside that bounded area. As are enough other little boys to make it a fun place to live. There’s a Cumberland Farms store on the border of the area where you can get Slurpees and buy Pokemon cards, and he’s always after me to save some chores he can do to earn some cash to spend at Cumbies. Because “there’s no free lunch” he says. My daughter tells me she and other moms in this neighborhood get the “stink eye” at PTA because they’re raising a bunch of hooligans. When my grandkid questions authority at school (politely), my daughter’s parenting skills are questioned. They really need to find a bigger house, but they are hesitant to move out of this neighborhood because as parents, they think it’s an island of sanity.

    If you ask young moms why they keep their kids so sheltered (And they object to that word. They prefer “safe”.), they’ll tell you it’s because there is so much bad out in the world. They think there’s a pedophile or a kidnapper on every corner. It would be a lot of fun to tell them statistically the most unsafe place they send their kids is to school. Every high school, no matter how small, has someone who will offer to sell you drugs or get you alcohol. Kids are more likely to be sexually assaulted by a classmate than by a neighbor and even less by a stranger. We just don’t look at it the same way if it’s another kid. But they already have enough to be afraid of. On the other hand, their kids won’t have any idea of what they should be afraid of because they are never placed in harm’s way. Maybe we’ll end up with a reckless generation when they become parents. We can only hope.

    • Somebody says:

      My 4 year old grandbaby doesn’t play outside….EVER. She can’t ride a trike, let alone a bike. In her case it’s not because her parents are worried about Chester the Molester. Nope it’s because mom and dad can’t pull themselves away from their effing smart phones and laptops. I’ve stop saying anything…..well maybe not completely stopped sometimes things just pop out of my mouth.

      Kids need to be kids. It’s part of the human maturity process. If they’re not allowed to be kids then they end up in a state of at least somewhat arrested development. Parenting that doesn’t allow kids to experience failure or disappointment, learn appropriate boundaries and social skills results in grown children…….not grown adults. Is it any wonder there is a growing epidemic of failure to launch kids.

    • 1539days says:

      A kid can also be abused by a family friend or relative. In the old days, the local news did not report every abduction in the country or state. Now they’ve decided that terror porn is the way to sell more soap. It’s hard to tell what sheltering does, but we know that more adults now are marrying and having children later in life.

  5. DeniseVB says:

    I remember my Dad’s loving words……”don’t make me get the belt !”. Heh, thinking back and applying today’s parenting standards, I should have been raised in foster homes. Somehow I turned out okay, I think 😉 I survived parenting also, my kids turned out just fine and so far so good with the grands.

    • Mary says:

      HEre’s the bigger irony: the Los Angeles chapter of the NAACP was about to give him a Lifetime Achievement Award at its convention in 3 weeks—-they liked the $$$$ he gave to the DNC.

      But you won’t hear that on NBC, ABC, or CBS. (snort)

      • Somebody says:

        OMG Mary that is rich!!!

      • DeniseVB says:

        Says more about our crappy media than racism.

      • Mary says:

        I wanna know if Obama et al are going to DEMAND that any Democratic groups who received $$ from this man, immediately give that $$ back, or if the media will push for same.

        Put up or shut up.

      • DeniseVB says:

        As seen over at Young Cons, posted by a black young con …. GMTA Mary ! 😀

        I don’t know which political party Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling supports.

        But if msnbc doesn’t focus on him exclusively for the next 2 weeks, if Rev. Al Sharpton and the NAACP don’t call for protests and demand Chris Paul and Blake Griffin quit the team, and if he isn’t forced to sell Clippers, he’s not a Republican. </blockquote)

  6. abc says:

    Yep, and we adults can’t go without our seat belts and bicycle helmets either. How the helck did we survive! I’ll never know.

    • elliesmom says:

      I wear my seatbelt when I drive because the law says I have to, and statistically, it’s a good idea. I don’t wear a helmet when I ride my bike. It’s that wind in the hair thing. If I had to wear a hot and sweaty helmet, I wouldn’t ride the bike. I don’t discourage kids from wearing them. It’s not a bad idea. I have just weighed the good riding a bike does me versus sitting on the sofa and decided it’s worth the risk.

      • abc says:

        Statistically, it’s a good idea, however, statistically it’s low risk and kind of nice to take it off for a minute if you need to get something off the floor or the back seat. However, legally, I’d get a ticket for doing that. Nanny state.

        In my county, it is also a ticketable offense to ride a bike without a helmet. However, I actually had a heat stroke last summer that I likely wouldn’t have gotten if I could have ridden with “the wind in my hair.” Again, nanny state, and in this case, completely counterproductive to safety.

  7. gxm17 says:

    I agree that kids are now treated like hothouse flowers. For years I’ve speculated that one day someone will invent a bubble so these *fragile* children can play outside. But I disagree with you on “time out,” only because I’ve seen it work firsthand. My son uses the time-out method with our grandson (and they live with us so I’ve seen it in action). The key is being firm and consistent.

  8. John Denney says:

    Red Rover, Red Rover, send Klownie right over.

  9. Constance says:

    Those were the days! I especially liked dirt clod fights. The rock fights and snowball fights were not good though. Remember when they used to put the monkey bars (ooopps hope that isn’t racist) the slide and the swings on pavement as opposed to the foot of fall cushioning stuff they use now?

    It tuned out that when I had kids I couldn’t make myself put them in daycare. It just killed me when we went to the park to see lines of little kids holding on to a rope walking in the park behind their keeper and then they would walk up to the slide and line up and take one turn then to the monkey bars and take a turn always stopping what they were doing and moving to the next thing on the keepers list when the whistle blew. It was just too sad. Still there were no mobs of kids for my kids to play with. When I grew up in the 60s us kids pretty much existed in a mob of all aged kids that roamed the neighborhood. Just about any house you showed up at at lunch would feed you but make you do the dishes or sweep the porch or something. And lunch was peanut butter and grape jelly on generic Wonderbread.

    • 1539days says:

      The unions killed Wonder Bread.

      • DandyTIger says:

        And the current crop of liberals rejoiced. Because bread bad. They don’t give a rats ass about what people want or like, or the jobs for the little people. They know best.

    • DeniseVB says:

      Favorite sledding hill ended on the railroad tracks, we all had real sleds too (flexiflyers with sharp iron runners). Nobody died during that phase of my childhood 😀

      • Constance says:

        I loved the sledding in the street too. Seattle rarely gets enough snow but when we did we would post lookouts at the intersections (Seattle has amazing hills) and bomb down the hill as fast as possible. We did have one kid die, he lost control and slid under a parked car by mistake. That was horrible. I still think of him when I drive on that road.

  10. SHV says:

    A few weeks ago, I saw a TV ad for something and the “happy” suburban kids were playing in their backyard wearing helmets. WTF

  11. DandyTIger says:

    Don’t forget dodgeball. Fucking brutal game. Bloody noses. You could get killed. Complete with the sadistic PE teacher that loved watching the kids get beat up. Made you appreciate life, and made you understand the teacher, school, or big daddy government wasn’t there to save your ass. You had to do that.

    • DandyTIger says:

      And in turn, we made rockets with functioning warheads. And, well, used them. Though didn’t really mean to catch that house roof on fire. Kind-a-sort-of. And of course eggs at halloween. We played hard, and we learned to make our way.

      • swanspirit says:

        Smashing pumpkins wasn’t a band back then . You just made me remember a particular Halloween night. My best friend Margie and I had to run really hard , crawled over a heap of trash, almost got trapped in a dead end alley ; and then ran headlong and full speed into a chain fence that was invisible in the dark , and still “got away” , laughing . I ripped my good pants too dammit.

    • Constance says:

      I sucked at dodgeball (participation was mandatory) and always was picked last but whoever got stuck with me actually tried to protect me and would get furious if the other side was too brutal in taking me out (out being my preferred place to be). In fact they would often lob one at me immediately just to sort of to clear the field or something. It could be a brutal game but they recognized the non violent and made accommodations for them. .

    • DeniseVB says:

      Choosing teams was worse for me, I always got picked right before the kid in the leg cast 😉

  12. DeniseVB says:

    Can someone explain the tingles over Elizabeth Warren ? I keep seeing stuff like this and wonder why her?

    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/scott-whitlock/2014/04/23/barbara-walters-gushes-over-elizabeth-warren-i-can-see-you-running-p?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Marketing&utm_term=Facebook&utm_content=socialflow&utm_campaign=barbara-walters

    Are there no fiesty, accomplished, politcally savvy liberal women on the Dem bench? (Yeah, thinking like a Sarah Palin-type). I really don’t know much about EW, any amazing feats of action in the Senate? Does she disagree with Obama about anything? What bipartisan issues does she support. Or, she’s not Hillary?

    • DandyTIger says:

      Limousine liberals don’t like feisty. That’s so, well, peasant like. They want overly arrogant, snobbish people that can pass as “intellectuals”. In other words, really stupid people that fit in the club. Warren is truly as dumb as a bag of rocks. She really doesn’t know why the billions and billions invested in “productivity” over the decades hasn’t gone to unskilled laborers, or even where it went. Apparently she’s never head of silicon valley, computers, or the information age.

    • Constance says:

      They see her as controllable. The Kennedy wing of the party can’t stand the thought of Hillary because that would mean the Clinton wing of the party would have more power than the Kennedy’s. It was the Kennedy wing who gave us Obama.

    • Constance says:

      Also Dem women waste so much energy denying that their party leaders are a bunch of misogynists that they have a sort of beaten down or alternatively air headed quality to them. I have been in several conversations with Liberal women who got really upset and covered their ears and started yelling “Ok, Ok, I hate talking politics”. They tend to be pretty stupid but they do know Republicans are evil, misogynist, racists who hate dogs.

      • DeniseVB says:

        There’s your war on women right there. I used to think the same about Republicans, then the vile prog wing of Obama took over and no, I won’t sit down and shut up! 😀

  13. helenk3 says:

    when my kids were young we lived in a little square that had 6 row houses on one side and 6 across the square and two sides with more row houses. there was a park in the middle. about 125 kids and their families lived there. I could stand on my porch and see where my kids were. If they acted up a neighbor would bring them home to me. They played under the fire plug in the summer. stick ball and halfies and dodge ball in the park. there was also a game where you threw the ball against the steps or the wall for points. rode bikes and were just kids. Once we had a new family move in and they sent a letter to the neighbors deciding what the teenagers could not do in the park. that did not last long. Since I lived on a corner, I had teenagers with cars out side my house a lot. One was playing the car radio too loud and I explained to him that if he woke my kids up he was sitting up with them not me. The radio was turned down and apology given. Another time one of the teens fell while under the fireplug. I went to the hospital with him. he had a wooden leg and the doctor in the emergency room handed it to me to hold until the kids parents could get there. It was a whole different time. now there are few neighborhoods and not a lot of interactions between neighbors and that is really not good for kids. If a neighbor sees a kid doing something wrong now and gets involved the neighbor might be in trouble.

    • helenk3 says:

      also the adults knew when to get involved and when to let the kids handle a problem between themselves.

      • DeniseVB says:

        Including the bullies. I remember a friend ran home being chased by a bully. His mom locked him out of the house and told him to deal with it. He’s quite a successful lawyer now 🙂

    • The Klown says:

      “Geraldine Ferraro turned out to be the David Duke in drag … What a whore Geraldine Ferraro is! She’s such a fucking whore! I wanna see her have to stand beside her husband at one of those mandatory ‘I have sinned against you; I’m a whore’ kind of a press conference. Mr. Ferraro should have to stand next to his whore of a wife … Hillary is a big fucking whore, too. You know why she’s a big fucking whore? Because her deal is always, ‘Read the fine print, asshole!'”

    • DeniseVB says:

      Air America failed because it’s content was so bad. Just a bunch of whining, raging liberals who hated Bush. So I’m assuming her failed show is much of the same. Even liberals don’t tune in.

    • DandyTIger says:

      Randi is “leaving talk radio”. So that’s how we spell epic failure now. Someone noticed that if you have no audience, there’s no difference between the mic being on or off.

  14. helenk3 says:

    http://americanthinker.com/2014/04/governmentmandated_equality.html

    this is an interesting article. we are starting to equalize our kids and not let them be their best and to survive failure as well as sucess

  15. helenk3 says:

    http://tammybruce.com/2014/04/yom-hashoah-shifras-memories-on-holocaust-remembrance-day.html

    I never knew about this. In today’s world we do need to remember

  16. helenk3 says:

    http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/where-will-calorie-labels-appear-not-just-menus

    wow we ate hot dogs and hamburgers and potato chips and popcorn and all those things. How did we live through it. maybe because we went outside and ran and played a lot.

    • Mary says:

      Picketty’s “solution” includes a GLOBAL wealth tax. Not gonna fly in America. Not a chance in hell.

    • swanspirit says:

      This is absolutely true !!! One of the best life lessons my son ever learned , was learning how to lose graciously , and come back and win . He had been playing football at a school with a great team that always won . Then we moved, and he changed schools , and his new team wasn’t as polished . Every time his new team lost , he had a temper tantrum , threw his helmet etc etc. I had a talk with the the coach and he was fantastic , took him under his wing and my son learned . I will be forever grateful to that coach!

  17. Haha! This is so true. You should try being a CPS worker in today’s age. Let me tell you about it, without, of course, breaking any laws on confidentiality.

    It used to be if you wanted to report child abuse (neglect wasn’t a thing back then), you had to pull out the local phone book and figure out how to look up your local CPS office. Now the state I live in has decided that an 800 number is the way to go. So now, you have a room full of social workers taking phone calls and listening to the neighborhood gossip in between phone calls from police officers calling because there’s only two days worth of food in the house and hospitals (who, btw, drug test anyone who appears in the slightest way ratchet or redneck and has a child, even if the child is not being seen). These sitting, phone call-taking social workers believe every living word of it and refuse to screen any reports out because, hey, they live in a bubble and they don’t actually do any field work. These social workers are all fat because they sit and eat all day while taking these phone calls; some of them work from home because so many people call the 800 number that we don’t actually have enough room to house all of the fat social workers taking calls. They also can’t spell or type, which I know because I read 12-15 of their reports per week. Sometimes that’s a blessing; for example when the only detail in the entire report that will help a CPS worker locate an unknown parent is a license plate number and it’s been recorded improperly.

    The CPS field workers are all skinny, or getting skinny (I’ve lost 12 more pounds in the 3 months I’ve been out of training). That’s because we don’t actually have time to eat, or sleep, or take a shit, but that’s another story. But do remember that we’re losing weight while literally being full of shit. Anywho, we run around the city all day listening to people who are revenge calling on each other because so and so go involved with baby-#4-daddy, or other such nonsense. Every 4 or 5 days we actually run into a real report of physical abuse or neglect and we have to snatch some babies, spend half the night writing a lengthy report, and then head to court, because alleged perpetrators have their rights, you know. They have to go to court within 48 hours and watch while some clueless judge undoes all of the work of the previous day and places the children back with their parents, or with grandparents or other family members who knew what was going on and are almost never the people calling in the report because they either don’t care enough to address the situation, or are afraid that the parents may try for revenge on them. When this happens, they walk out of court and are, in the unforgettable words of one of my clients, “cheesin’.” That means they are grinning like a Cheshire cat.

    On those rare occasions when a case actually makes it through the courts and services are provided to address the situation–for example, a situation with domestic violence with gunshots fired or children with broken bones–the families are shuffled off to a whole new set of workers called “ongoing” workers. These workers are all also fat, because they sit at their desk all day and pretend like they follow the laws and regulations and are actually seeing the children on a monthly basis and providing services to parents who don’t actually want services. If there is a cat in the house, these workers will lie and say they’ve been in the house when they haven’t, because someone on their team, sometime in the last 20 years, was attacked by a house cat and this is dangerous work.

    My best advice to anyone who has a CPS report called on them is to get a cat.

    I don’t know why I typed all of that other than I flat out needed to bitch. But it is so cute to read about parents who don’t actually let their children play outside anymore. I forgot that that’s a thing. In addition to us surviving in a world without parenting skills, people used to actually have to work to make a CPS workers life hell. Not so much anymore. There’s whole teams of people who are paid by taxpayer dollars actively working to make that happen every. single. day. Heh.

    • swanspirit says:

      No , what you wrote was a good thing , because when I was working on pediatrics . sometimes you could not get any effective intervention even after the child was hospitalized for their injuries . Sometimes you could , if you screamed loud enough at the right person.

    • votermom says:

      Wow. What a job. Hats off to you, Lola!

      My best advice to anyone who has a CPS report called on them is to get a cat.

      *scribbles in notebook on surviving Omerikka*

      • That is top-notch advice, and worth recording, VM. If it doesn’t keep an ongoing social worker out of your house, at least the cat will give you some tips on how to cheese after court. 😉

        Thanks for caring, y’all, seriously. I do love the work, ftr, but it’s an insanely stupid set up that results in a 26% quit-rate within 1 year of hiring for field workers. You’d think they’d get a clue, but we are talking state employees here.

        • The Klown says:

          I used to have the unpleasant job of being appointed as a public defender to represent parents in juvenile court after CPS had taken the kids. Most of the time I agreed with what CPS had done. Most of the parents were not monsters, they were sad, pathetic people.

          When the court ordered “reunification” services, the parents were ordered to participate in drug and parenting classes as well as participate in drug testing. I would tell parents very bluntly that if they completed the programs they would get their kids back, but if they didn’t do what the court told them to do they would lose their kids forever. I would stress that the court was not joking and would not accept lame excuses and I would even add that if they couldn’t get clean for their kids they deserved to lose them.

          Months later I would see the parents again and they would have lame excuses for not completing the programs and skipping/failing drug tests. The court would set a hearing to terminate parental rights and my clients would be begging me to do something to help them.

          • The Klown says:

            The simplest cases were the moms who had already lost one kid in juvenile court and then gave birth to a kid who tested positive for meth. They would take the baby straight from the hospital and the court proceedings were just a formality. One woman was losing her third baby to drugs.

          • The Klown says:

            One last point – I only saw the cases where CPS took the kids. I was never involved in all the cases where they resolve the case without court.

          • Yep, sounds like you are familiar with the system. All that stuff is governed by federal law, so it’s going to be similar everywhere. It’s the rule that if you lose two children to termination, CPS can take any other children you have and not even offer you services. I had a case like once, where I was removing the second round of kids. The judge read the parent the riot act and took the kids immediately. I kinda felt bad because this parent was sober, but even sober this parent did not know how to be gentle. Some people shouldn’t be having kids.

          • The Klown says:

            In California if you lose a kid for abuse it’s one – they don’t even wait for you to screw up they just take ’em straight from the hospital.

            If you lose a kid to neglect and they take any subsequent kids they don’t offer reunification and go straight to termination.

          • Meth is a hard drug. It’s super bad for people, and messes families up.

            Did you see this story last week? http://news.yahoo.com/obama-plans-clemency-for-hundreds-of-drug-offenders–162714911.html

            That woman is lucky to be alive. It probably took her 20 years in prison to fully recover from meth addiction, and she’s mad because she hasn’t been pardoned. To the point of attempting suicide. Her child is probably better off, IMNSO.

        • Somebody says:

          Bless you Lola what a difficult job. Please, please always be aware of your surroundings and take some self defense classes. My MIL was a social worker for years. She started out like you, then moved to one of the visiting social workers except she actually visited. Then toward the end when they wanted her to retire they put her back on the job taking children out of homes. She was attacked from behind and injured very badly, in fact despite her strong desire to return to work she was never able to.

          • Oh, that’s sad! I’m so sorry for your MIL! But I know what she’s been through. I’ve already had a knife pulled on me, but it turned out okay. I wasn’t attacked or anything. I took SD classes as a young woman because I was afraid of being raped.

        • leslie says:

          Lola, I can only repeat what others have said. Yours is an incredibly tough job, and it take an incredible amount of strength and integrity to do what you do. I know just how stressful it is and why the burn-out rate is so high. My thoughts are with you as you do this work.

    • helenk3 says:

      Thank You for caring enough to do a tough needed job under rotten circumstances. Thank You for caring about the children

    • mothy67 says:

      What are your feelings on prosecuting false claims? Know it is hard to prove but it just seems so wrong when it happens. Once a week there is something on the local news about some tragic family situation in which the CYS department had been called and nothing was done. I had an accusation made against me during a custody battle. I opened up my home, offered my computers, sat with three social workers at my dining room table. I was cleared and I do respect the women who came into my home and accused me of things. When it was all done I spoke to the head social worker and asked if there was anyway I should respond. I was raised Catholic but if you slap me in the face I do not turn the other cheek I will kick you where it hurts. She said you care for the kid enough to go through this so maybe it is best if you just let it go. For the kid. Which I did. I just do not understand how I got so much scrutiny when I see these gut wrenching stories on the news. I imagine the job is impossible and I gather that the courts have decided the best place for a child is with the bio parents, but I worked for a guy near Carnegie Hall and he would always say to us the customer is always right unless he is wrong. Then you decide how wrong he is and you button your lip and come to me or one of my managers.

      • Well, custody is a hard one. We get A LOT of those cases. I actually had a parent tell me once the parent was calling because the other parent had a “real lawyer” at the last court hearing and this parent didn’t (sorry if that’s convoluted; I have to protect confidentiality and cannot even use gendered pronouns). I know a lot of good parents in both my work and personal life who get CPS called on them for that kind of stuff. The best course of action is the one you chose. Good workers can tell when it’s custody and when it’s serious. Sadly, there are not enough good workers,and not enough people who care to report serious stuff, so you get news stories like you talked about in those cases.

        • mothy67 says:

          I am flummoxed by the rehsb with the parents situation. What a huge waste of money. 30 days of enforced clean living does not prepare a meth addict on the pipe for twenty years. Waste of money.Long term treatment is the best option there is right now. Coping skills are absent. Recidivism is through the roof. Absurdly expensive . A grand a day. Cheaper to place people in long term facilities than prison or have them back again in a few months. Give an option prison or a two year commitment. What we have is not working but lots of people are making some fat cash off of it.

  18. foxyladi14 says:

    That is a tough job Lola. ❤

  19. mothy67 says:

    When I was a kid we ran free, but we lived in the sticks and knew everyone in the neighborhood. I live just outside of the city(barely know my neighbors) and the little one can play in the backyard but she doesn’t walk to school herself(21 seems like a good age for that). Her time is also much more structured than mine ever was. Dance, swim, karate and softball/basketball eat up a lot of time. I cannot fathom her coming home and heading out on her own. At her age I was swinging from vines and climbing trees. I received grief because I got her an iPhone. Sorry she has to be able to reach me or someone if she needs to. The phone was 99 and the plan is 45 with unlimited talk, text and web. She gets a decent camera and it is cheaper than the tracphone she had before. I was terrified of SIDS. Slept on the floor beside her crib. Then it was outlets and stuff on the stove. Then something else and then something else. Realize as she gets older I am going to have to accept more, but definitely am not comfortable with her at 7 playing in the neighborhood.

  20. 49erDweet says:

    The horse salve I remember didn’t really stink bad, but it was called “wool fat” by the old timers and worked wonders. I still have it and use it on my own wounds. It’s just lanolin in a cream form and heals skin almost without leaving a scar. Had an old jumping mare for a girl’s school that needed 29 stitches to sew up where she got caught in barbed wire. Applied wool fat every day. One year later had to hunt for the scar. Miracle salve.

  21. mothy67 says:

    The registered sex offender thing I think needs a serious overhaul. You can look up your zip code and the website shows you all of the persons on the registry but it isn’t very specific and I think it leads to paranoia. I have read where consenting adults have been caught in public parks having sex or a drunk guy urinating in public and they are now required to register for the rest of their lives. How does that protect children? I know people who are otherwise rational that believe the world is like Law & Order SVU and Criminal Minds. The world is not that bleak. yes there are vile pigs out there, but a little perspective.

    • Somebody says:

      That system does need to be overhauled. They count as sexual offenders an 18 year old that got caught having sex or at least rounding 3rd with a girl a year younger. I understand from a technical, legal point of view she is a minor, but that young man is not a pedophile and shouldn’t be on a list for the rest of his life.

  22. driguana says:

    Sorry about the numbers being down. I’ve hardly been posting myself but I’m working like a maniac on my house. I’ll try harder.

    Ah, Wonderbread! Yesterday was The Delray Affair in downtown Delray Beach FL and I had a fish sandwich from one of the local church’s food booths that was served on what looked like Wonderbread! My girlfriend and I both made the same comment….funny it should come up again today.

    And, you forgot hitchhiking….we would “thumb” all over Cincinnati and Pittsburgh when I was growing up…never gave it a second thought….never had a problem. In the summer times we would even tell our parents we were going camping for a night and would see how far we could hitchhike in a day…sleep in some corn field and hitch hike home the next day…smoke a couple of packs of Lucky Strikes and, well, we’re still here…

    And then there was hopping freight trains in college in the 60s…..never knew where we’d end up….worst experience of all was getting sidetracked in Sistersville, WVA….had to sleep in an all-night laundromat. What fun.

    • Somebody says:

      Goodness driguana I sure hope the renovations are finished soon! Do you like shrimp, antiques or arts and crafts? If you do you can check this out next weekend
      http://www.shrimpfestival.com/ They usually have live music too and you can grab a drink at Florida’s oldest bar…..or a pirate’s punch, ARGH! It’s always the first weekend in May and trust me they have LOTS of really cool arts and crafts. You can find shrimp cooked in so many different ways! If you ever decide to visit for the festival be sure and have a shrimp pie……I promise you’ll like it, it’s like a pot pie. The shrimp ice cream is actual sweet ice cream…..yuck! I’ve never been brave enough to try it.

      I know how much you like music so I also wanted to mention this place to you
      http://www.musicliveshere.com/content/ I see their annual Suwannee River jam is next weekend also. They have a couple of concerts a year, last year Sheryl Crow headlined. They have cabins but if you go during a concert you’ll most likely have to camp…..hence why I didn’t see Sheryl Crow last year, LOL! Also, St. Augustine has an amphitheater and tickets are usually a lot less expensive than most concerts these days. Carlos Santana is playing there tonighthttp://staugamp.sjcvenues.com/ There is also an amusement park right off of I-75 just across the Georgia line called Wild Adventures, they have lots of concerts there too.http://www.wildadventures.com/ If you buy a season pass for $65 all the concerts are included.

    • Somebody says:

      Hey you guys! I have a comment in moderation, I think because of links and one of them didn’t even work……maybe because I didn’t space? If one of you could be so kind as to review my comment I would appreciate it. It’s just a reply to driguana along with some information about stuff going on in north FL I thought he might find interesting and worthy of a short road trip once he gets his house renovations all done.

  23. The Klown says:

    George Will: Hillary is not a formidable candidate

    • DandyTIger says:

      I agree. She’s got a lot of baggage. She’s gone from SenateSpeak to DiplomatSpeak, which can be painful to watch. She’s got a bad record as SoS. She’s got Obama hanging around her neck, with all of that admin’s issues. And she has Benghazi. Her opponents, whoever they are, can just answer every point she makes with “what difference does it make”. And what will be her policies? Keeping, maybe patching up ObamaCare? More drones? More spying? She’s got money, and name recognition, but she’s very vulnerable. If she runs though, I think she’ll get the Dem nomination. Then it would be Repubs to lose.

      • John Denney says:

        Then there’s the billions of dollars unaccounted for by the State department on her watch. Which is bad optics when some were saying she couldn’t defend our people in Libya because the eeeeeevil republicans didn’t vote her enough money.

  24. DeniseVB says:

    Hitchhiking! Forgot about that. The Pre-Interstate-95 days were littered with college boys and sailors between DC and Virginia Beach. Good times, good times. 😉

    • The Klown says:

      If you lived in the country hitchhiking was common. Some farmer would pull up and you’d jump in the back of his truck.

      • DeniseVB says:

        In the 60’s the land between DC and the Beach was country and a 2 lane road. We girlies didn’t have a truck, but weren’t worried about pervs either. Let’s see, the era of Corvairs and Falcons, we didn’t explode either 😀

      • driguana says:

        Yep…and I remember one time a farmer stopping in his pick up and we jumped in the back only to find out it was filled with manure! Shitty ride, that one…

    • Ha! You’re such a DOL. Miss you!

  25. The Klown says:

    DON’T DO IT IN THE PARK:

  26. The Klown says:
  27. The Klown says:

    BTW – Sometime this weekend we passed 2.5 million hits.

  28. mothy67 says:

    First softball game tonight and as I was leaning against the fence watching the game I listenned to the parents talking— conversations could have been lifted from the comments here. One mother was really upset that they had a bully intervention because another girl was mean to her daughter. She felt it was over the top. Said kids are kids and her’s needs to learn to handle somethings on her own. Seemed to be complete agreement that things are going to far. I kept my mouth shut as I know my politics are at times incendary and this was about the kid and not me.

  29. The Klown says:
  30. mothy67 says:

    Fun to glamorize the past but if any of you are 1/100th of the idiot I was as a child you know you did some stupid shit. My cousin Johnny and I used to hop trains with our bicycles to go few towns away to swim in a creek and smoke pot at 12 years old. No way in hell my lttle one is gonna be that stupid.

    • The Klown says:

      I did lots of stuff my mom would never have approved of. Successfully getting away with things was part of the thrill. We KNEW we would be in deep shit if we got caught. It made us careful. We had to plan our operations, and keep them a secret from grown-ups.

      Those are useful skills when you get older.

      • helenk3 says:

        the stories told after my kids grew up added to my grey hair. a couple of years ago for Christmas I wrote memory books for each of my kids. they were sweating blood on what I would write as they have kids now. I would never give their kids any ammo to use against their parents but it was fun to see them worry

  31. The Klown says:
  32. mothy67 says:

    NETFLIX will be the end of me. I just discovered “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. Funny show.If Seinfeld and “A Confederacy of Dunces” had a baby it would be that show.I had never seen the show but I love it. Dunces is a piece of work that I personally value because I do not read it as a treatise on society but rather as o e man’s attempt to relate his experience to the world. I have friends who went to 50k a year Quaker schools who hate the novel. Love the book. It is flawed but my favorite writer said the only way to improve on perfection is with a flaw. Dunces, Geek Love and The Bone People are my favorite 90’s books. I really loved The Bone People wonder how the femi ists of today would critique the novel.

  33. The Klown says:

    So they have Paris Hilton writing for JuiceVox now?

    That makes sense.

  34. The Klown says:

    Who’s the skank?

  35. mothy67 says:

    I need to comment on the slowing of traffic– I know I have offended a couple of people on this site for my opinions on gay parenting , transgdnder and a few more issues. Sucks that we now live in a climate were if you do nlt agree with me you are branded a name and dismissed. I do not couch my opinions but I try to be sensitive. My statements were never personal if you disagree with me I ache to learn talk to me argue with me but do not call me a name and dismiss me. I love this blog brcause there are a lot of people here with strong opinions but me thinks the majority are more like the proverb of the wild reed.

  36. mothy67 says:

    “If you see something say something”
    I looked at those words so many times.
    A reminder of heinous acts
    New York was my home. Impossible to really princess

    that day, but I belive in if you see something you say documenting. Well I see a bunch of people on this blog willinv to be honest with themselves. I celebrate those who question. KEEP ON!

  37. mothy67 says:

    Fucking auto correct

  38. The Klown says:
  39. smile says:

    I am not been visiting here so much for a couple of reasons. 1) Just overall boredom with politics. It is finally sinking in at a deeper level that it is always the same old, same old, does not matter who or what. And I am hoping to not get lured back into it at election time, because the luring baits are also the same old, same old. 2) Trying to limit online activity.

    I do come here still to visit with old friends. And Mothy67, I don’t think you can drive away the traffic. You are sweet and your auto spellchecks are hilarious.

  40. swanspirit says:

    I am sorry for not posting as much ,since it has been warming up. I have been outside playing 🙂

  41. 49erDweet says:

    …and I thought I was doing everyone a favor………

  42. mothy67 says:

    I have an idea for a post. Have everyone spend the day as a progressive. Find slights everywhere you csn. Pick something about yourself that separates you from the masses and wallow in. It. Use your difference to filter the world. Talking method acting and as such you have to play victim the entire day. Sure it would yield high comedy.

  43. leslie says:

    I come every day – several times throughout the day – especially when at work (8-10 hours/day) but don’t say much anymore as everyone here is so smart and says what I think – but in much smarter and better ways with such style, I feel I can’t really add to the discourse. There, I’ve said it. *Plus, at work, I am so swamped that I don’t have the time to compose anything worthwhile that doesn’t take me away from the work that I do.

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