Somnambulism Sucks


I woke up taking an early-am pee, without remembering how I got there. Then suddenly I realized I wasn’t standing at the toilet. I was six feet away, pissing into the waste basket. At least this time it wasn’t the hamper.

I had assumed that these episodes of somnambulism would stop when I quit drinking. All these years I thought that the reason I occasionally woke up in strange places was the booze, but I haven’t touched a drop in months.

I fucking hate Mondays. I have flea bites all over my arms and legs from working in the yard. Fucking raccoons.



About Myiq2xu™

I lost everything in a Fonzie scheme.
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57 Responses to Somnambulism Sucks

  1. votermom says:

    That is wierd. Maybe it’s a ghost possessing you.
    *cue spooky music*

    On a serious note, have you ever asked your doctor about the sleepwalking?

  2. votermom says:

    Countdown calendar says only 9 months to go!!!

  3. Dora says:

  4. swanspirit says:

    Benadryl cream , or anti-itch cream at Wallymart A tube costs 88 cents, works on anything that itches; active ingredient is diphenhydramine.

    • votermom says:

      Another thing you can try for bug bites, if you are near a Chinese store, is White Flower Oil (or Embrocation). A little bit will go a long way.
      I think Amazon might have it too.

    • Myiq2xu™ says:

      Like any red-blooded American male, when I have an itchy or an owie I want a mommy. Since I don’t have a wife or girlfriend to be my mommy for me I called the original.

      Me: “These flea bites are driving me crazy!”

      Mom: “I’ll pick you up a flea collar.”

      Then she refused to come over and kiss the bites and make them fell better. She said If I went over her place she’d give me a hug.

  5. Venus says:

    Ivanka gave birth to a little boy yesterday — Theodore James.
    Theodore is Greek — it means God’s gift. Female version is Theodora.
    Anyway, Trump is taking time off from campaign to he with family to celebrate. Cruz’s campaign manager accused him of cowardice and that he must have “mental issues” to want to be with daughter and new grandson.

    • Lulu says:

      Everyone near Missouri says that guy is a POS. He looks like a fat, creepy asshole too.

    • Dora says:

      Female version also includes Dorothy. That’s me. Just one more Gift of God. 🙂

    • Anthony says:

      Cruz’s campaign manager is Jeff Roe. He is the person that GQ confirmed paid for use of the Melania pic. The more I learn about Cruz, the sleazier he becomes. Yet, the MSM and GOP are insisting on shoving him down voter’s throats, a la Obama in 2008. Fucktards

      • leslie says:

        I agree about Cruz. I originally supported him. I feel dirty when I look at his photo now.

      • leslie says:

        Who do you think the GOPe will really try to shove down the electorate’s throats?

        • Dora says:

          Are you talking about Jeb? I have an awful feeling that he is waiting somewhere in the shadows. We can’t see him yet, but he is there. 😦

          • Anthony says:

            You posted that while writing my reply below. I guess it isn’t as far fetched as I thought… :-0

        • Anthony says:

          My money is on Kasich, if they select from the current field. He is the one that is most likely to continue to advance the Neocon/Bush Republican agenda, which is in effect the third term of Obama.

          If for some reason Kasich is rejected by the voters (even more than he has bee so far, if thats possible), then my guess would be Romney or (more likely?) Jeb!™ as they planned from the beginning.

          I don’t believe this is a contest for a “pure” conservative candidate, as assholes like Bill Kristol and Charles Krauthammer keep trying to convince us. This election could prove to be the end of the Neocon/Bush Republican brand, and I for one hop[e to God that it is.

          Make no mistake – they will NOT go quietly into the night. You’ll have to shoot rubber bullets at their fingers holding onto the door jambs if it looks like they’re on their way out.

          • Somebody says:

            I agree I think at this point the GOPe has settled in on Kasich being their water carrier. Hence all the polls that show he’s the ONLY one that can beat Hillary. Haven’t we heard that before, so and so is the ONLY one the polls say can win…..amazing though somehow the ONLY one never seems to deliver, hmmm.

            I’m thinking the GOPe is looking at a Kasich and Little Marco ticket. It’s possible they’re looking to plug Ryan or Walker in somewhere. I only say that because apparently R chairman Rinsed Penis ALWAYS pushes for somebody from WI. He was a big part of the push for Romney to select Ryan in 2012.

            Speaking of the media and Cruz, yesterday I heard over and over again how the Dems are quietly behind the scenes trying to push Bernie out so the party can coalesce around Hillary. To a person they all said there is no way he can win the nomination because he needs 72 or 77% of the remaining delegates. Then the same jackasses turned around and said Cruz is the only one that can beat Trump. Cruz needs 87% or 95% depending on how you want to look at it. The 87% assumes all the unpledged delegates go to Cruz, the 95% assumes none go to him. The real number is most likely somewhere in the middle or less. It doesn’t matter even if it’s 87% why is it he has a chance, he can get the nomination but Bernie can’t??? Hell on the dem side there is a cache of super delegates Bernie could persuade over to his side, no such cache exists on the republican side…..just a small number of unpledged delegates.

            Sooooooo we’re all supposed to believe Bernie (who needs a smaller percentage of the remaining delegates than Cruz) doesn’t have a chance, but Cruz (who needs at least 10% more than Bernie) does and Kasish who has only won 1 state is going to win in a landslide in the general. Is it any wonder people don’t trust the media.

          • Myiq2xu™ says:

            Eight years ago the declared that Hillary could not catch Obama in pledged delegates. But she did.

            So they quit showing pledged and unpledged (superdelegate) delegates separately.

      • swanspirit says:

        They don’t mind sleazy, sleazy is their neighborhood, they live in it, so it feels good to them.

      • Venus says:

        That’s because the MSM and GOP know Hillary can beat Cruz. His positions on social issues will help Hillary drive out the Dem votes (which she can’t do on her own) and there is absolutely NO CHANCE of him getting cross-over votes like Trump can.
        Cruz would not expand the Romney map at all.
        Trump may not be able to do it either, but he’s got a better chance than Cruz.
        The GOP will be happy being the “loyal opposition” because the CoC money will keep rolling in.

    • DeniseVB says:

      I saw her sweet photo with baby on twitter and thought, boy, that was fast, we didn’t see Chelsea Clinton’s baby for months! Now only when grandma needs a photo op for the grandma demo.

      • Allegra says:

        Actually, there were photos of Chelsea’s baby when she was still in the hospital and as she was leaving the hospital. Sorry, I don’t know how to post photos.

        • DeniseVB says:

          I remember the top of her head, not the sweet baby face like Ivanka’s post-partum photo. It was until months later a paparazzi caught the baby’s face on a family outing. Charlotte’s really a cute baby, just wondering why they hid her for so long?

    • Jadzia says:

      I love the name Theodora and had a cousin (who sadly died very young) with that name; she was called Teddy. She was named after her grandfather/my great-grandfather Theodore and I don’t even know where he was from–family says Serbia, Census says something different every record I find.

  6. leslie says:

    I had been looking for this to post yesterday. I only found it this morning whilst looking for something else.
    Butt, Happy Easter Monday!

  7. votermom says:

  8. Dora says:

    I remember so well the day Hubby and I went to the book signing. (As if I could ever forget) Tom asked Trump if he had plans to audit the fed. DJT looked at him and replied – “You will be surprised at the things we are going to do”. That response came to my mind when I read this.

    The Federal Reserve Will Play A Role In The Election

  9. AFVet says:

    Here’s a video concerning the ‘evolution’ of the WH Easter egg roll.

  10. AFVet says:

    And the storm troopers didn’t get the Wookie.

  11. Dora says:

  12. DeniseVB says:

    Milo sighting !

  13. Dora says:

  14. Dora says:

    Corey Lewandowski ‏@CLewandowski_ 16m16 minutes ago

    Trump campaign to contest Louisiana delegates allocation | TheHill

    • Venus says:

      Unlike Hillary 2008, Trump isn’t going to lay down and let delegates be re-apportioned per RNC bullshit.
      He won the state – if Rubio dropping out means the 5 he was awarded are “loose” than — at worst — 3 should go to Trump and 2 to Cruz. Period.

      • 1539days says:

        Cruz should get one for every mistress.

        • Somebody says:

          I agree, great idea 1539! Cruz can hold a news conference and confess to however many mistresses he has or has had; and then he can have a delegate for each one.

          I’ve never read “The Art of The Deal”, but somehow I think Trump would approve of my negotiating skills in this matter, LMAO!!!

      • swanspirit says:

        I LOVE that he a fighter!! That fighting quality is what initially drew me to Scott Walker as a candidate., but it seems Trump has much more than Scott. He will need it.

    • Venus says:


      Trump hired the guy who managed delegates for Ford in 1976 and Reagan in 1980 — 2 contentious conventions, if you recall.

      Trump probably had him in his pocket all along and followed his usual playbook:
      1. Send signals after big wins in FL and mini-SuperTuesday to “unite the party”
      2. State the delegate rules aren’t right/will contest
      3. Announce hiring of an expert
      4. Boom!

      Reince and the RNC are shitting their pants right now.

  15. Somebody says:

    Here is an interesting tidbit, be sure to follow the link to the tax policy center at the bottom so you can put in your own figures.

    • Somebody says:

      That address is actually a clearing house for FEC compliance for pacs. There are a bunch more pacs who list that address.

      • Anthony says:

        Per the article:

        “Problem: P.O. Box 26141 is also the mailing address for Carly for America, the official organization for Fiorina’s former presidential campaign. It’s since been re-purposed as a general-issue political action committee.


        I could care less either way, but the ad came out shortly after Cruz paid Fiorina $500K to endorse him. If that doesn’t make Cruz look even more conspicuously suspicious about how this all came about, I don’t know what would

  16. lyn says:

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