SPOILER ALERT: Ima gonna save y’all a lot of drama and trauma. The next president will either be Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Deal with it.
We all have a choice to make. You can vote for Crooked Hillary. You can vote for Dangerous Donald. Or you can throw your vote away by not voting or by voting for someone who has no hope of winning. A lot of people on both sides will try to make themselves feel noble and virtuous by throwing their votes away or by voting for the other team.
Most of us can cast our votes secure in the knowledge that it won’t make any difference. I live in California. If the election here is even close then Trump will be winning in a landslide nationally. That’s because Big Dry Smoggy isn’t in play.
If your vote is gonna matter you have to live in a swing state like Ohio or Florida. Trump needs to flip a couple of the states that Romney lost last time. Hillary only needs to hang onto the states Obama won.
Sometime between now and the party conventions Hillary and Donald will both choose running mates. The conventions will be tightly scripted hugathons where everybody will pretend they like each other. Speeches will be delivered.
Between now and November Donald and Hillary will criss-cross the country, making speeches and raising money. Some time next fall there will be a few debates. The people who like Hillary will say she won. The people who like Donald will say he won. The running mates will face each other at least once.
The sore losers from both sides will slither off to their ratholes of bitterness to piss and moan about the illegitimacy of it all.
Skeletons will be dragged out of closets. Mud will be thrown. Old dirty laundry will be re-aired. Both sides will take umbrage at the sleazy tactics of the other side.
The Talking Hairdos will breathlessly report these events like play-by-play announcers. Then the Bloviating Gasbags will tell us what it all means.
Eventually we will get to vote. When it is over some people will be happy, while others will be angry and disappointed. Then it will be back to business as usual.
Save yourself the stress. Turn off your television. Unplug your computer. Throw away your smartphone. Get a new hobby. Talk to real people. Play with your grandkids.