FML – I Got Jury Duty Today


I got jury duty today. What sucks the most about it is knowing I would never get picked. If the prosecution didn’t use a peremptory to kick me off the panel the defense would.

The jury notice says I can’t wear shorts, but I don’t own any long pants or a dress. If I don’t show up I could get in trouble. If I show up in shorts I could get in trouble anyways.



About Deplorable Myiq2xu™

I'm a basket case.
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153 Responses to FML – I Got Jury Duty Today

  1. Myiq2xu™ says:

    I wouldn’t mind being on jury duty if there was a chance I would actually get picked. I would be a good juror too. I have plenty of free time.

    But there is no way I’m ever gonna get picked.

  2. taw46 says:

    Bilderberg plots to stop Brexit.

  3. votermom says:

  4. Myiq2xu™ says:

    Yesterday started with my garage door opener breaking and it went downhill from there.

    • votermom says:

      Crap. That’s not cheap to fix and you can’t DIY without risking decapitation.

    • Somebody says:

      Well it’s better than your car dying like ours did this morning. Also, you didn’t start a fire in your microwave like I stupidly did so there’s that.

      As for your pant situation, just go to Ross, Walmart or a thrift store and pick up something on the cheap. It really is a good idea to have at least one dress outfit, you never know when you might need it.

      • Myiq2xu™ says:

        I can’t wear long pants or socks. I can only wear loose-fitting shoes and sandals, and even those bother me. My legs and feet are hypersensitive.

        • votermom says:

          Oh, show up with a doctor’s note then.

        • votermom says:

          Or a doctor’s note and a skirt.

        • Lulu says:

          I was going to suggest renting a tuxedo to make a spiffy appearance but that wouldn’t work. I think where I live you could get a medical excuse not to serve for very valid reasons. Call the court and ask. They may ask for medical but they may not. I’ve been excused medically a couple of times and they didn’t even ask for evidence (post surgery once and I was in chemo another time I think). I also don’t think you should sit for long periods not to mention you can’t wear pants.

          • Lulu says:

            If you call and say “I can’t wear pants!” they might scratch you for psychological reasons.

          • Myiq2xu™ says:

            I could bring all my Rx meds with me in a bag. It’s an impressive collection. Or I could just show them my legs. My shins look like a burn victim’s.

          • votermom says:

            I didn’t know your legs were so bad -I’ll be praying for your better health. Is it part of the blood pressure thing?

          • Myiq2xu™ says:

            My health is better. You should have seen me three years ago.

          • votermom says:

            Behold the power of prayer – it even works retroactively!😉

          • jeffhas says:

            Stay well… had no idea about your legs… But can say even as just a blog watcher, your health has a weed better the past year or so compared to much earlier.

            Gotta stay healthy for all the little ones who hover around you!

          • jeffhas says:

            Been better (my autocorrect must default in Colorado).

        • jeffhas says:

          It’s time for a muumuu (or is it moomoo).

        • blowme0bama says:

          Spray some bactene on your legs and just grab a pair of pants with oversized waist.

        • foxyladi14 says:

          My entire body is like that. 😡

      • jeffhas says:

        Ugh. Preach it. Started car yesterday, drove less then 1/4 mile, power steering goes out, battery light on – I turn around, park in my driveway, pop the hood, belt is off – but not ’cause it’s broke – Pulley is in pieces. Great. Google the problem (idle pulley), find part locally for $37… Follow instructions from online vid, replaced in about an hour (really!?)… Car runs again. Lemonade outta lemons.

        I hate car problems….

        I agree about the pants problem BTW, I don’t know about a ‘dress outfit’, but one pair of pants is kinda necessary, maybe cut the bottoms of the legs off of one pair of shorts and sew them to another pair?…

        Or if you’re going shopping (even at Goodwill), check outta pair of Skinny Jeans!. That way you’ll be in style for your day in court… And it won’t look ridiculous at all. Take pics and post for us please.

      • foxyladi14 says:


  5. Lulu says:

    I get called for jury duty every six months. I am called June 20 for a petit jury. If I dress like a slob I get picked. If I get dressed up and wear a bunch of (mostly fake) jewelry and a French scarf I get kicked out pretty fast. I also carry a large hardcover history book and the attorneys stare at me. I have it down to a science. These are shit cases. One of the last ones was a woman who set an EMT on fire when they were trying to drag out her stabbed boyfriend out of her house. During selection I was watching her in her (faked need) wheelchair while the judge was watching me. She went into a spasm, fell into the floor twitching and grunting all over the place and I started laughing. The judge hollered “Jury dismissed!” and I ran out the door laughing. An ambulance was pulling up as I was driving off. Good times!

    • votermom says:

      Next time I get a summons I’m doing that.

      • Lulu says:

        Votermom it works. Casual upscale egghead I call it. It should be second nature for you.

        • votermom says:

          What are you saying? LOL

          • Lulu says:

            Sometimes you want to look like a nice lady and sometimes you don’t. Since people put so many assumptions in how people look it is very easy to manipulate. I have a demented hillbilly look (mostly in the yard for neighbors), prissy little man clothes look (I don’t have time for your shit), I’m goofin’ (normal everyday), I can’t believe I have to be here (dressy and get out fast funerals, courthouse, stockbroker, etc) and what my husband calls hauling ass duds (comfort for travel, family stuff, shopping out of town). We all do it.

        • elliesmom says:

          From the defendant’s lawyer “So Mrs. B, there will be a lot of foul language in this case. Will you (Hear the unsaid a little gray-haired lady) be too offended by that to be able to judge the defendants fairly?”

          “Of course, not. I teach in a big high school. If I had a dollar for every F-bomb that gets dropped in a day, I’d have already retired to Bermuda.”

          From the DA- “This case will require you to pass judgment on young people. Your verdict could have a major impact on their lives. Can you separate out your feelings from the facts of the case?”

          “I pass judgment on kids daily. There’s a reason my mother calls me ‘Hard-hearted Hannah”.

          The defense lawyer- “We excuse Mrs. B.”

    • Myiq2xu™ says:

      If I ever make it as far as voir dire I will be released toot sweet.

    • Somebody says:

      My dad got out of jury duty for saying terrible racist things. He had an expensive vacation planned and paid for. It was his retirement kick off which he had planned for damn near a year and then he gets called for jury duty. He called and tried to get out of it due to his trip, but they didn’t care. He made it through the first round and was panicked thinking his trip was ruined. The defense attorney asked him if he had any racial prejudices against a certain ethnicity of people and he responded “No, I like *%$$#@* just as well as $*@!$ and &^$#@ or )*&^$#”. He was promptly dismissed. Then one of my husband’s co-workers tried a similar approach to get out of jury duty and it didn’t end well for him that judge was NOT amused and didn’t buy his act.

      • votermom says:

        I think I love your family.

        • Somebody says:

          My dad was a trip, I miss him so much! What is even funnier is that his first upper level management job was as EEO director, LMAO! That wasn’t the position he was in when he retired, but it’s hilarious that he went all Archie Bunker.

    • Mt.Laurel says:

      Sorry Klown but you fortunately cannot use the last reason I had for getting out of jury duty. I got the notice the day my mother passed away. But a book with a nice loud cover with Magna Carta in very large caps is also useful;.

  6. Somebody says:

    Klown talking about wearing shorts reminds me of a good friend of mine that actually did wear shorts to court. It was traffic court, but the judge was NOT amused he told my friend he had 5 minutes or 10 minutes to return suitable attired or face jail. Whatever the amount of time my friend only had two choices for shopping in the shopping center where this traffic court was located, he didn’t have time to drive anywhere. There was a thrift shop and a family dollar, he chose the thrift shop.

    Soooooo he ended decked out in a lime green leisure suit (this was in the mid to late 90’s). I had picked up his kids from school for him. When he came by to pick the kids up in that hideous green leisure suit hubby and I died laughing. In fact we searched high and low for a pair of white “Cousin Eddie” shoes to go with his leisure suit, which we eventually found and wrapped up for Christmas, LMAO!

    • Myiq2xu™ says:

      I’m hoping a clerk or bailiff will tell me I can’t wear shorts. If so I will leave and not come back. If they try to hassle me I can truthfully say that I showed up and got sent home.

      • Lulu says:

        That is a plan especially if they take your jury notice stuff and check you off the list as being there. If it is a big cattle call they always loose a few people wandering off anyway. But there are those asshole judges who sit everyone numerically. Bastards!

      • Somebody says:

        Is there anything in your paperwork about a dress code? If there is then you could face contempt if you show up in shorts.

      • 1539days says:

        You’re in California. People haven’t come into court in shorts before?

      • Allegra says:

        What about a kilt?

  7. lyn says:

    This is for Venus. The author makes good points.

    The judiciary is independent, but that does not mean that federal judges are exempt from the same robust criticism as presidents or members of Congress.
    Obama himself attacked the Citizens United decision in a State of the Union address, with the justices sitting right in front of him.
    But Trump’s real hanging offense was that he brought up the judge’s ancestry, as the son of Mexican immigrants, implying that he was something of a judicial version of Univision’s Jorge Ramos.
    Apparently, it is now not only politically incorrect, but, in Newt Gingrich’s term, “inexcusable,” to bring up the religious, racial or ethnic background of a judge, or suggest this might influence his actions on the bench.

  8. Jadzia says:

    LA County threatened to have me arrested once if I didn’t show up. The reason I wasn’t able to show up was that I had an appearance in another court room. When I told that judge I had jury duty, he was like well, that’s your problem. Also, I was nursing my premature baby at the time.

    And like you, I would NEVER EVER EVER get picked. I’m a lawyer, I have been a crime victim AND I used to be employed by the ACLU, for God’s sake. I should have gotten a free pass for life.

  9. swanspirit says:

    In the past, whenever I would get called for jury duty, I would get a letter from work saying I could not miss work, and I was excused. Now, I don’t think I could sit that long. On top of everything else, no one would want me on the jury, I am not one of those inscrutable expressionless folk. I don’t think the judge, the prosecution, or the defense would appreciate me rolling my eyes, or just spontaneously cracking up laughing, as things progress in court. Makes me a lousy poker player too.

    • Somebody says:

      Are you familiar with Nick Jr’s face? My older kids make that trumpet noise all the time around me as a way to tell me to get my face and looks under control. I have an expressive face……blush!

  10. helenk3 says:

    try some of these

    Laurence M. Vance has some questions for progressives and the Obama regime on a “fluid identity “:

    Can someone identify as a senior citizen and collect Social Security?

    Can someone identify as a resident of Colorado, Alaska, Washington, or Oregon and legally use marijuana recreationally?

    Can someone identify as a resident of Missouri and only pay a 17-cents-per-pack tax on cigarettes?

    Can someone identify as a college graduate and qualify for a job?

    Can someone identify as a new parent and take advantage of a company’s paid family leave?

    Can someone identify as a TSA agent and grope people in airports?

    Can someone identify as an ex-con and be released from prison?

    Can someone identify as a cop and seize cash from motorists?

    Can someone identify as a NASCAR driver and disregard the speed limit?

    Can someone identify as a minority and take advantage of a company’s Affirmative Action policy to land a good job?

    Can someone identify as an unwed mother with three children and get a huge Earned Income Tax Credit?

    Can someone identify as a resident of Seattle and get paid a minimum wage of $15 an hour?

    When words mean nothing.

  11. helenk3 says:

    i have been called for jury duty every time I move and register to vote. I have been picked and convinced the others to find the guy guilty. He was guilty. another time I was picked but the case ended when the guy took a plea bargain.
    California now has a real slick way of getting out of paying jurors. You are not paid for your first day. it was only like $9.00 a day. but it is a sleazy move

    • Jadzia says:

      It used to be a thing among law firms in LA not to pay their staff (legal secretaries and such) for days when they got called for jury duty. You know, to decide cases that lawyers are largely responsible for filing. I get that paying your staff for that kind of thing (especially if somebody gets seated in the OJ trial) can be a hardship, but it’s kiiind of hard to feel sorry for LAW FIRMS that expect everybody else to turn their lives upside down to adjudicate their cases to then turn around and say screw you, relatively low-paid member of our “valued” staff, you’re on your own. I am often embarrassed to have been associated with this profession.

      • Jadzia says:

        And jurors should get paid more than $9/day. Why should Joe Blow have to bear the financial burden of deciding somebody else’s lawsuit? I know, I know, civic duty. But the judge gets paid. The lawyers usually get paid. The plaintiff sometimes gets paid. The expert witnesses sure as hell get paid. Why is a period of jury duty that goes for more than a week or so not treated as unemployment? Hell, take a small percentage out of the civil filing fees ($300-plus in California) and direct it to the unemployment department for the purpose of paying jurors so that they don’t have to suffer inordinately because little Johnny’s insurance company wants to litigate his fender-bender.

        • elliesmom says:

          As I teacher I was expected to defer jury duty until the summer, but I never did. To keep my license current, I was usually in summer classes somewhere. If I missed a day of teaching, someone was hired to take my place. No one sent someone to take notes or an exam for me when I was the student.

  12. Somebody says:

    Well technically I think Elizabeth Warren proved that you can identify as a minority and take advantage of a company’s Affirmative Action policy to land a good job. Otherwise an interesting list.

    I wonder if Klown and 49er could self identify as Floridians or Texans to avoid state income taxes??

  13. Somebody says:

    OK so now let’s discuss Klown’s legs and tips to help. I presume your leg issues are a result of diabetes is there also a circulation issue? Do you have neuropathy? Do you have lesions that you can’t get to heal??

    There are things you can do for any of those issues. For instance there are a couple of healing creams on the market to aid with diabetic and/or senior skin healing. TriDerma has some good products, but there are many, even Gold Bond has some. Frankincense oil, a few drops mixed with some coconut oil rubbed on your skin will help it heal. Frankincense has been around forever and is known to aid in healing. Maybe you need to slough off some old dead skin, get some Moroccan or African black soap the kind in a jar. It gently exfoliates and leaves your skin soft and smooth. Follow up with some argan oil which penetrates more deeply than most oils. There are supplements you can take to aid with circulation or neuropathy, as well as prescription medications. You can get all of those items from amazon at a reasonable price.

  14. WMCB says:

    I went on a rant about the doublespeak over “racism” and potential ethnic bias.

    • WMCB says:

    • WMCB says:

      • votermom says:

        Good rant. I’m on the side of “everyone should shut up about race already.”

        And breast cancer. There is not one person on the planet who hasn’t heard about it by now. Go raise awareness about something else.

    • WMCB says:

      • DandyTIger says:

        Brilliant rant. Thanks! And nailed it.

        • WMCB says:

          I’m just tired of it. Press and everyone else can say the livelong day “All this talk about border security may piss off Hispanics” and no one yells RAYCISSSS!!! Trump says basically the same thing – that being Hispanic and a member of these orgs may affect views, and everyone loses their shit.

          WHICH IS IT????? Either we can talk about this stuff or not. SIck of the “We can, but you can’t” rule.

    • 49erDweet says:

      I parodied BLM and offered to form a white #TheAngloSociety group and got bumpkiss twit reaction. The absurdity between pushing simultaneously for Integration and Diversity is apparently too complex for most western minds..

  15. lyn says:

    • dm says:

      OMG! I had read a little of this, but did not see the Broom Stick One…I’m still laughing. Someone needs to alert the Donald to this…sounds like a great new nickname to me.

  16. Somebody says:

    Klown have you ever tried microfiber pants? They are as light as a feather, they probably wouldn’t bother your legs. You can get them in all sorts of loose fitting styles, you can get them with a drawstring or elastic waist. Then just wear a Cuban shirt for a dress casual sort of look. These style shirts comes in all sorts of colors and styles now and you don’t tuck them in.

  17. Somebody says:

    Friendly reminder to everyone in California, New Jersey, Montana, New Mexico and South Dakota, go to the polls and VOTE!

    Even though the candidate are mostly likely already chosen let your voice be heard, run up the vote totals for your preferred candidate.

  18. Dora says:

    Trump Is Right: The Shame of Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell

    The GOP Establishment is in full flight.

    No Abraham Lincolns here.

    In a shameful haste to embrace identity politics, the latter the political descendant of slavery and segregation, Speaker Paul Ryan and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell have stunningly given thumbs up to a judge who has made no bones about injecting his ethnic heritage into his role as a lawyer and judge.

  19. lyn says:

    Did this make national news?
    Anti-Trump protesters pepper-sprayed two young Hispanic girls in the face, as well as an elderly man who was attending a rally in support for the GOP candidate.

  20. lyn says:

    Can’t stand either one but this is interesting …

  21. Dora says:

  22. Somebody says:

    Reason number 992 why I shouldn’t be tasked with raising children at my age. My middle granddaughter just pointed to her cup of juice and said “What the fuck is this”…….. Me, um it’s cranberry pomegranate juice you’ve had it before….. Her, “OK fine”.

    OMG, I hope she doesn’t say that again…….OMG, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks with 3 sick kids, one on steroids…..I guess I lost my filter and didn’t realize it. I had been saying fiddlesticks. YIKES, I’m a really bad grandma.

    • lyn says:


    • votermom says:

      I’m laughing my ass off here. Yeah, it’s best not to react.

    • foxyladi14 says:


    • Mt.Laurel says:

      I have to admit I laughed. Mine is from the other end of the spectrum. My mother’s dementia meant she would sometimes get frustrated trying to find words and the results were – shall we say mixed.. Most of the time the lapses came at home especially at night and at meal time as she indeed would not recognize a favorite food or TV program. I had to watch myself that she did not see me laughing and to make sure I checked my own bad language – because although she could not recall much of anything but could still pull out the I raised you better tone if I even used H – E – Double Hockey Sticks.

      When she was out and about she still seemed to be able to call up her best manners and she faked conversations rather well. But a couple times – she used some language that would make a sailor blush. People were very nice and just ignored and later would tell me they understood she was flustered and grasping for language. But it did make people chuckle because she looked like a sweet little old lady with her soft white hair and cardigans.

  23. WMCB says:

    • 49erDweet says:

      The judge could say it’s a fair point that he is aware of and will take under consideration before ruling in the case, which would end Trump’s ability to use the issue later. But hizzonor’s denials of the possibility reeks of bias and ego. The ‘racism’ claim, of course, is just another “ism” with which to tag evil opponents when one lack’s logic.

  24. Dora says:

    Go Bernie.

  25. lyn says:

  26. DeniseVB says:

    This is fun, Broadway royalty🙂

  27. Dora says:

    My God! The woman is surely obsessed with him!

    This is what Meryl Streep looks like dressed as Donald Trump

    Have you ever wondered what Meryl Streep would look like dressed up as Donald Trump? In a suit with padding and a red tie and an orange wig and a lot of fake tanner smeared all over her face? Is Trump the role you’ve always wanted the Oscar-winner to play? Well then, today is your lucky day.

  28. Dora says:

    It just keeps getting more interesting.

  29. lyn says:

    Due to what I believe are unfair and mistaken rulings in this case and the Judge’s reported associations with certain professional organizations, questions were raised regarding the Obama appointed Judge’s impartiality. It is a fair question. I hope it is not the case.

    While this lawsuit should have been dismissed, it is now scheduled for trial in November. I do not intend to comment on this matter any further. With all of the thousands of people who have given the courses such high marks and accolades, we will win this case!

    • blowme0bama says:

      That is so sad.

      There was no mention as to what the dog was suffering from. She certainly didn’t look to be in too bad shape.

      Euthanasia is often unnecessary.

      Unless the animal is in clear pain, such as resulting from an accident or advanced cancer, the dog will die naturally within a very few days of it acting like the end is near.

      I had to put a little cocker spaniel of my Mom’s that survived her after it lived with me for another 6 years following Mom’s death. It was really hard because I shot the dog myself. Subsequently, I’ve had two other dogs and a cat pass on which just died naturally. Looking back on the condition that the cocker spaniel was in, I realize she probably was within 6 hours of dying on her own. The vet had encouraged me to have her euthanized two months prior to the date that she died. She had some down days, but a lot of really good days, too. It wasn’t until the last 2-3 days that she just was kind of wandering off to weird places in the yard and not wanting to come in.

      I try to discourage everyone from killing their pet if it isn’t in severe pain, and certainly not because it’s “slowing down”.

  30. cynic says:

    Well, I’m in an awkward situation! My cousin’s daughter got married, and I wrote a check for $300. My bank statement came yesterday, and I see that it cleared my account as $500. I called my cousin and left a message on her answering machine to call me. (I didn’t say this on the message.) She didn’t return my call, so, knowing that she’s always on f/b, I thought I’d private message her, and I told her what happened. She has never responded back.

    I called my Credit Union, and they said that the check was scanned, and the scanner only reads the numerical and not the legal, spelled out line. The scanner read it as $500. This is a lesson learned, and I would like to pass on to all of you. Be very careful when making your numbers.
    I guess I gave them a better gift than I thought.

    I’ll just let it go, but I am disappointed that my cousin wouldn’t have the common courtesy to acknowledge my call or message (and yes, she’s been on f/b many times today, so she had to see my note).

    • DandyTIger says:

      Really sad. Depends on how close, and how sleazy they’ve been in the past. For any first cousins of mine that pulled that, I’d just go over beat the crap out of them. But that’s just the way we do things.🙂 A bit more distant, I’d probably give it a day, then post publicly that the cousin stole $200, and you recommend others give considerably less. Just a principle thing.

    • lyn says:

      Get a copy of your check. This is the bank’s error. Fight it.

    • lyn says:

      The bank should have rejected the check if the numerical amount was not the same as the written amount.

      • cynic says:

        My Credit Union could see that it was scanned by a machine. They didn’t go to a bank like we use to do in the past. I’ve seen my son-in-law scan and deposit a ck. via his phone. These machines only read the number. I’m giving you all a heads up so that this doesn’t happen to you. My bank can’t do anything about it. I would have to go to the receiver’s of the check and ask them to send me $200.

        • lyn says:

          Your CU should help you recover the difference. Speak to a manager. I always thought people had to agree to have their checks electronically scanned. If nothing works, I’d shame your cousin on FB.

        • Mt.Laurel says:

          Can you get a copy of the canceled check and to see if the 300 still shows on the written line? If it was only misread (or altered) for the numeric – this should be enough to make the couples’ bank repay you/your bank. But it would mean the 200 would then be withdrawn from the depositor account.

    • DandyTIger says:

      So on consideration of the fraud issue, I’d tell the cousin that if they pay the $200 immediately, you won’t file fraud charges.

    • Myiq2xu™ says:

      Changing a 3 to a 5 is fairly easy.

    • jeffhas says:

      Your back can ABSOLUTELY correct this… They just have to want to (meaning you have to raise a stink)… Sure, it’s easier – for them – to have you get the money back from the receiver, but everything is handled electronically now, and they can reverse the amount by $200 if they wanted to – if it was their mistake, it would have already been done.

      I’m not sure you’re saying your cousin consciously made a change to the check or read it wrong when they confirmed the scanned amount or didn’t know at all until they saw your FB note and are too embarrassed to answer…. but I do think you can push your CU to correct this.

  31. DandyTIger says:

    Where there are short cases, one day to maybe three days, they’re kind of fun. I’ve been rejected from most, and have been on a couple. After saying I was a mathematician, a judge actually asked me if I understood that law and ruling on cases was more than logic. I was in the first group rejected that time.🙂

    Next time I’m tempted to say I can only rule non guilty for any case because I wasn’t there. Wonder if I’d get in trouble for that. Then again, I probably wouldn’t be asked a question where I could even say that.

    • 49erDweet says:

      I was at the very end of a jury pool and they were still one shy. As I did voir dire it was the defense’s turn to ask about my history and he only asked if I ever worked for an attorney or for a court. Forgot to ask if I’d been a cop. Answered “No” honestly while the deputy DA rolled his eyes.
      We hung the guy.

  32. WMCB says:

Comments are closed.