Honor Thy Father And Mother


Sometimes they let the mask slip. Richard Mayhew at Buffoon Juice:

Love you, don’t want to live with you Mom and Dad

I love my parents. One of the smartest and best things that I did for my relationship with them was moving six hundred miles away for college as I was a complete snot as a teenager. The distance allowed me to be less of an idiot while growing up without having them as a locally convenient authority figure to mindlessly but loudly rebel against.

One of my great pleasures as a parent is seeing my parents be grandparents. My mom tried to go bowling with the grand kids a few weeks ago. My dad spent most of a morning helping my son build a model so that it fly around the kitchen and living room while they tried to rescue stuffed animals and plastic figures. I laugh when I see my kids do something that harkens back to the grandparents’ curse — “May your children be just like you”. I look forward to calling home and telling my mom about what her granddaughter just did as I wait to hear her laugh at and with me.

I want them to visit. I want them to spend a week or two. I want them to be a part of my life and my kids’ lives. I want them to introduce the idea that ice cream can be dinner when it is Grandma’s Rules.

I also don’t want them to live with us as they age.

This I think is powerful messaging as to why the defined benefit nature of Social Security and Medicare need to be kept. I’m not a marketing person, but I think this is a valuable element.

What a nice guy. I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that his parents don’t want to live with him either. They were probably relieved when he moved out. I bet they sold his furniture and converted his bedroom into something else so he couldn’t move back in.

In a perfect world all adults would be financially independent. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. In Prog World, the government picks up the slack. In Prog World the government can give out lots of goodies because there is no math. Nothing has to be paid for because they just tax the rich.

In the real world our country is $20 TRILLION in debt. I really don’t think it’s fair to make Mr. Mayhew’s children pay the cost of supporting his parents.


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86 Responses to Honor Thy Father And Mother

  1. This isn’t national news. It shouldn’t even be local news. It was just some high school kids doing stupid kid stuff.

    But I do want to point out that a lot of these kind of incidents seem to take place in blue states.

  2. CiscoKid says:

    It’s the reward of the disposal age, like the Bic lighter and pen.
    Used up, just toss it away.
    I’d gladly give up ten years of my remaining life just to spend 10 minutes with my Mom.
    Maybe when his parents are gone he’ll wake up, but I doubt it.

    • Jadzia says:

      Horrible. I am about 110% sure that as my in-laws age, they are going to be refusing to live with us (there is a picture of my MIL next to the word “stubborn” in the dictionary), but I can’t imagine putting them in a home after all they have done for us unless it was a situation involving a need for specialized care that can’t be provided at home. My own mother was in a home for the last year of her life (after we moved to France–I was lied to and told that it was just a temporary physical rehab-type stay after surgery, when in reality Adult Services had stepped in and refused to let her go back and live with my stepfather, so that was an awesome thing to find out after she died) and I will never forgive myself.

  3. Ann says:

    I don’t want my parents to live with me either. Ever.

    I am more than willing to pay for an aide or a nurse to attend to them as needed (or for a nursing home… although home health care is a better route when possible IMO). My father could use help, but my mother has been putting it off for years. They can afford it, she just does not want a “stranger” in her house… including her granddaughter, who is an LPN and my son’s SO who is an RN.

    My MIL has had in-home health care for 7 years now. She pays for it OOP. If she could no longer afford it, Hubby would pay.

    I do not have the temperament to take care of the elderly. I do not have the temperament to take care of the sick. If I did, I’d have gone into the medical profession. I know my limitations and my skillset. And my husband has even less patience than I do.

  4. helenk3 says:

    From a mother’s point of view.
    I love all my kids. I do not want to live with any of them. I have been on my own for over 20 years and I like it. If I want to have cheerios for dinner I can. Right now I live in my daughter’s house until she retires and she and her fiancee move down to Florida. Then I will find my own place to live. When they grew up and went out on their own, I told them move far enough away to have a fight in private and close enough to get to in the event of an emergency. When a couple is just getting started there are enough adjustments to make and it is not good for a 3rd party to get in the middle.
    just my opinion

    • CiscoKid says:

      I never had children, although I practiced a lot at making them, 😉 , so I can’t speak about relationships with them.
      Was I lucky or selfless?

  5. helenk3 says:

    Editor’s note: The warrant the FBI used to search a laptop belonging to Anthony Weiner was released Tuesday. The filings show the FBI told a federal magistrate that the laptop likely contained evidence of illegal possession of classified information, Politico reports. Weiner is the estranged husband of Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin and authorities were investigating Weiner for alleged explicit online exchanges with a minor. Politico writes that the warrant may have been granted based exclusively on the FBI’s contention that emails between Clinton and Abedin could contain classified information based on the earlier phase of the probe into Clinton’s private email server use. FBI Director James Comey informed Congress about the new evidence on Oct. 28, and two days before the presidential election he announced that there was no new evidence of wrongdoing and no prosecution of Clinton was warranted. The warrant was unsealed after a California lawyer filed a suit. – Stephanie
    Read more on politico.com

  6. blowme0bama says:

    Well, I’ll buck the trend here. In 2001, my Dad remarried after my Mom’s death in 99. He was in his late 70s at the time and developed cancer at the age of 79. He had moved in with his new wife shortly after they married, but she was at least 3 years older than her, so she absolutely was in no condition to be able to care for him around the end. I arranged to work from out of my childhood home in the fall of 06 and when he got to the point he struggled to get up and down out of bed, I moved him back to the house I grew up in and cared for him about the last 6-8 weeks. It was the best thing I ever did in my life. Absolutely golden.

    • taw46 says:

      My mother had Alzheimer’s, and she lived with me for the first two years. It was not easy, as I was still working. Then my sister and I switched off every 3 months having her live with us for the next 3 years. Physically she could get around and she never forgot either one of us. It was only the last two months that we had to put her in a nursing home. Even though at times I felt like getting in the car and driving away, I am glad I did that. I loved my mother dearly, and my sister and I were close to her our entire lives. I understand it is different for everyone, and you have to do what works for you. But for us, it was never a question of having her live with us.

  7. 49erDweet says:

    I always thought it was MY job to provide for my wife’s and mine own future. Sure don’t want my kids doing it. Nor do I wanta live with them, or vice versa. But right now “temporarily” have IS and almost adult GS living here. SMH. Life is funny.

    • Jadzia says:

      True, but you just never know. My mom and stepfather had health insurance and a reasonable amount of savings when my mom first got sick, and her illness all but bankrupted them.

      • Jadzia says:

        That said, and I am not proud of this, I am somewhat resentful that my dad seems to have done so little planning that once I am done draining my emergency savings to save my older sister’s house (she’s got kids, what else can I do?) after the beginning of 2017, I’ll very likely be helping support my stepmother. Who is only 12 years older than I am. My husband is from an incredibly financially responsible family himself, and you can probably guess how PSYCHED he is about this new expense. He doesn’t know about the thing with my sister yet, just that I’m working more than usual and quit my teaching job to concentrate on work that pays more.

  8. Dora says:

    That picture is so sad. Is this what it all comes down to?

    I look at it and just want to cry.

    • Jadzia says:

      And supposedly nursing homes are “better” than they used to be. My great-grandfather (stepfather’s grand-dad) killed himself after ONE NIGHT in a nursing home, back in the ’70s.

  9. DeniseVB says:

  10. DeniseVB says:

    Read Don’s post, it’s frilliant ! As a bonus there’s a link to Mark Steyn.

  11. DeniseVB says:

    • Jadzia says:

      See, my theory is that Trump is going to be a one-termer. Isn’t he the oldest person to be elected president? He’s coming into office with a very well-defined policy agenda. I can see him getting that done (or some substantial part of it) and declaring victory. Like this guy:

      • Jadzia says:

        Here are the lyrics, for non-TMBG fans:

        In 1844, the Democrats were split
        The three nominees for the presidential candidate
        Were Martin Van Buren, a former president and an abolitionist
        James Buchanan, a moderate
        Louis Cass, a general and expansionist
        From Nashville came a dark horse riding up
        He was James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

        Austere, severe, he held few people dear
        His oratory filled his foes with fear
        The factions soon agreed
        He’s just the man we need
        To bring about victory
        Fulfill our manifest destiny
        And annex the land the Mexicans command
        And when the votes were cast the winner was
        Mister James K. Polk, Napoleon of the Stump

        In four short years he met his every goal
        He seized the whole southwest from Mexico
        Made sure the tariffs fell
        And made the English sell the Oregon territory
        He built an independent treasury
        Having done all this he sought no second term
        But precious few have mourned the passing of
        Mister James K. Polk, our eleventh president
        Young Hickory, Napoleon of the Stump

  12. Mt.Laurel says:

    I think every situation is different. My mother lived with me for the last six or so years of her life. She moved in when she was 87 and passed away at 93. Prior to that she was fine on her own and liked the freedom but she had reached a point where she simply did not want to live by herself. I was (and still am) working with a long commute but my boss has always been flexible when family matters arise and I was able to telecommute a lot the last couple years as her memory started failing. I had helped relatives in Maryland with cancer, strokes, hip surgery etc. but sundowners and Alzheimer’s take a different type of toll on you.

    Mom would never have been able to live with the two of my brothers who lived much closer to her because she knew she was not wanted. She was also very reluctant to move as far away from friends and family as California even thought she would have been welcome. yes, if she wanted typical breakfast for dinner that was fine by me. I just tried to make sure she got decent balance of foods and a mix of protein/carbs/fat/. We brought more of her stuff that really fit into my condo but I wanted her to feel it was our home. Not mine. And with me she was able to bring her cats. Mom would never have done well in any type of assisted living situation. She liked her freedom and did not want people pestering her.

    I commuted for college and my first graduate degree. I was the youngest by several years and only one still at home at the time. I worked a job while in school and helped out the bills. It enabled me to develop a different relationship with my parents and I think was one of the reasons having Mom move in with me worked.

    It is not for everyone but you may have little choice. To blatantly state there is no way it would ever happen is not a good mindset. Circumstances can change. My Dad’s retirement dried up ten years after he passed and my mother lived another 20 years. Three of my brother were diagnosed with cancer after Mom moved in with me. They all passed away before her. Mom and I supported the one as he had been laid off just before he was diagnoses. There is no way she would have been able to handle that on her own. The first death was the most sudden and almost killed her. She was 90 and has assumed she would outlive her children at that point.

    I have no children. Mother nature made that decision for me. I am glad I did what I but with my parents friends I have seen many sides and there are always those situations where, due to toxic parents/relatives that people, for their own sanity people just need to step away.

    • mcnorman says:

      You are spot on Mt.Laurel, circumstances are all very different and one must make the choice that is the best at that time. It is no easy task if one has had a difficult parental relationship. I grew up at a time where one never considered placing a parent in a home other than a familial one.

      • Jadzia says:

        That is true. Although I can’t imagine putting my in-laws in a home, I am pretty grateful not to be living in the Midwest and having to make that decision about my stepfather, who is both an awful person and a recently diagnosed Alzheimer’s patient. We’re trying to get him in-home help and it is not going very well at all.

    • DandyTIger says:

      Hollywood will. Though their spin will be closer to the rise of the third reich than the working class gaining power over the white powder wig wearing 1% elite.

  13. helenk3 says:

    Watching Tucker.
    some idiot is on screaming about Trump having nazi’s in his cabinet. I had to walk away He had me yelling at the tv. why is it the the left has become as ignorant as cat shit? keeps talking over , saying nothing. does not answer the question. just plain annoying

    • DeniseVB says:

      That’s an insult to cat shit 😉 I’ve come to the conclusion what’s left of the left are just crazy people with too much hate in their hearts. As Milo says, there’s more of us than there are of them and don’t be afraid to tell them to fuck off, then ignore them. I just ignore them now, less stress that way !

  14. votermom says:

    I just don’t want to outlive my kids I’d like to live to see a grandkids or two. That’s it.

  15. My dinner experiment:

    Cut-up cooked, boneless chicken
    Cream of chicken soup
    chopped canned green chiles
    Salsa verde
    Ramen chicken soup packs
    grated cheese

    Mix the first 4 ingredients along with the ramen flavor packs. Boil the ramen. Mix ramen with sauce, dump it into a baking dish. Top with cheese and panko. Bake at 350

  16. 49erDweet says:

    Nine are better than two. Just sayin’……………

  17. elliesmom says:

    Our fathers were able to be caregivers to our moms. My dad was living on his own and died during a brief stay in rehab after a hospitalization. My father-in-law briefly moved into assisted living close enough to us at least one of us could see him everyday. We were in the process of making changes to our house so he could move in when he died. I’m currently able to provide the extra assistance Elliesdad needs. He no longer drives and needs some physical support. Our daughter and her family live in our old house. We still have a financial interest in the house because Elliesdad wants me to feel comfortable moving myself back in, but I enjoy my independence. I’d probably choose to live with her over assisted living, but I’ll have to be in tough shape before I willingly do either. I’ve been consciously building myself a support system.

  18. Nothing to see here. Move along.

    • Lulu says:

      A lot of this hysteria is the realization that Trump out-maneuvered the Dem crooked tricksters. They are so used to winning by stunts, cheating, lawfare, extortion, etc and are furious it didn’t work this time. Elections are about strategy. Trump beat the shit out of them with less money but better strategy using the EC rules. This is what business does daily. The Dems are gobsmacked. The funny thing is that the billionaire (business ones anyway) donors to the Dems know exactly what happened, are furious the “elite” Dems are so stupid and ignorant, got beat fair (outfoxed) and square (legally), and will probably impose some grown-up and experienced beyond sucking on the public teat people on the Dems in the future. IF the Dems have a future which I am not sure they do beyond big city elections and that is going to take it on the chin with anti-sanctuary city stuff and the money drying up.

  19. DeniseVB says:

    “Comedian” Margaret Cho joined Gab to “fight hate”. LOL, check out her timeline to see how she’s doing…..


  20. This is the same guy who got PTSD from shooting a gun at a range.

  21. Now that Obama is leaving, investigative reporting is back in style.

    • Lulu says:

      These media “giants” have lost so much of their audience/suckers I don’t see a lot of them coming back. My “habit” of reading NYT and WaPo was broken and I didn’t even miss them or read the free stuff. This seems to be a round up the horses after the barn door was left open. Their paywall was the final nail in the coffin. People won’t pay for crap much less propaganda. I want the a la carte cable so the news networks can be killed off next after extorting television viewers. There business plans are failing. Sad. NOT.

  22. Propertius says:

    In the real world our country is $20 TRILLION in debt.

    Which had absolutely nothing to do with Social Security funding until Ronald Reagan decided to use the Social Security surplus to hide the size of his budget deficits.

    • swanspirit says:

      John deserves his misery. He doesn’t mind making other people miserable.

      • Lulu says:

        I don’t think many people talk to him or tell him the truth about anything because he will throw a hissy fit, start screaming, or eating. “Do want I want or I will eat this entire case of baking chocolate!” This is the reaction of a totally self-involved adolescent (or younger) who didn’t get their way, has no life beyond obsessive remote externals (he isn’t going to lose his job in DC or get deported as a criminal illegal alien). The diva drama reads like a Eudora Welty story of a sister resenting not getting enough birthday presents. I guess the entire reasons for his blog, virtue signaling/superiority/mamma-daddy issues/fat/ego/boring people to death, has been rejected and he isn’t taking it very well. Go figure.

  23. mothy67 says:

    I live with my parents because together we take care of my 10year old grand niece. I could not do it alone. I had way to much fun in my youth. Don’t feel like I’m missing anything. In fact I took brat to a new tae kwon do place tonight.she is tiny. I think they thought she was a special snowflake. She kicks serious ass. She is really good. I looked around and everyone had yuuge smiles plastered on faces. I refuse to do competition until she is older. The parents at tournaments are insane. She started ballet at 3. I thought dance moms were bad tae kwon do meets are fierce

  24. swanspirit says:

    Both of my parents have passed on. My dad died suddenly and completely unexpectedly, while he was on vacation. It almost killed me. It felt like getting hit by and run over by a bulldozer. In time , I realized that he would have hated being sick or confined in any way.
    My mom died of cancer ten years later. I did take care of her, after she was unable to care for herself, and I was glad to be able to keep her out of pain and comfortable. I made sure her pain meds were at doses that made her comfortable, regardless of what the hospice nurse said. And the hospice nurse was a saint.
    Myself, I do not wish to be any kind of burden, financially or otherwise; or have to be taken care of by my kids, but I know if I needed it, they would do it. My only request to my daughter is “Please let me die in a clean house” Knowing my daughter, that won’t be a problem.
    But, I am so grateful to have been able to care for my mom. We got to say goodbye , and every moment was so precious to me. I still miss them both.

  25. mothy67 says:

    My dad came home today. He fell on the sidewalk getting out of car. My mom came in screaming help help I can’t do everything. I love her but she is a crazy bitch. She always calls me a son of a bitch. I went out my dad was on the pavement. My mom was screaming. I am an asshole. I had tears running down my face laughing. My dad was laughing. He made it to the enclosed porch and sat down. I really am an asshole. I am rude and have very little patience for poor me. I was putting his bags away I looked out and shaypup had walked over in silence and just wrapped her arms around his neck and held him. I often wonder why I am such a callous fucker. Like very insensitive. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I own a mirror.

  26. swanspirit says:

    Blessed Solstice Everyone!! May your Yuletide be glorious!

  27. Island Girl says:

    I hope I never have to find out, our family is quite solid but all very independent. Just visited the parents for my Dad’s 90th and I swear between their naps they get more done in a day than me, the youngest of 5 each a year apart, sister just left there today with her family. So I think they will be just fine.

  28. Somebody says:

    I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday on this topic, but I think I can speak with some authority. I’ve taken care of my grandmother, aunt, father, and mother-in-law. I’ve helped out with other family members and a couple of neighbors too.

    Some lived with us, some didn’t. It’s really up the parties involved there is no right way or wrong way…….well OK there are some wrong ways like neglecting the elderly, that’s wrong. Some seniors are comfortable living with their children and some aren’t…….some children are comfortable with their parents moving in some aren’t. Sometimes even with the best of intentions there are conflicts.

    I don’t know if Mayhew has siblings, but perhaps he does and perhaps one of his siblings will step up to the plate should his parents need assistance. In general I’ve noticed there usually seems to be one natural caregiver in each family……and a couple of assholes that won’t lift a finger and maybe one or two that will do a little. Mayhew seems to fall into the asshole category, if he has a conscience one day he may be riddled with guilt.

  29. threewickets says:

    I know you guys are real because we go back, but I think Matt Drudge and Breitbart’s Steve Bannon might be straw conservatives. What do you guys think. I’m still a disenfranchised Democrat.

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