Rise and Shine! Saturday Morning Open Thread

New ‘Jesus Viagra’ Makes You Rise Three Days Later

From Waterford Whispers, my new guilty pleasure

PHARMACEUTICAL giants Pfizer have teamed up with the Catholic Church to create a new, slow-acting version of their popular ED drug Viagra, designed to mimic the death and resurrection of Our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ™.

Dubbed Jesup, the drug enables men suffering with erectile dysfunction to achieve a full erection capable of penetrative sex, albeit after a three-day wait.

People intending to have some nice, relaxing Sunday morning sex with their partners are instructed to take a Jesup pill at around about 3pm on Friday, after which there will be a waiting period while the drug gets to work until the user rises majestically on Sunday morning, perhaps to the amazement of their followers and the shock and awe of any Roman guards that might be in the vicinity.

“It’s based exactly on the resurrection of Christ, except for a few details,” said drug kingpin Aloysius Pfizer.

“Whereas Jesus left a small cavern empty on Sunday morning, our Jesup pill will help you fill a small cavern instead”.

True to the story of Easter, many people have come forward doubting the rising of Jesup, refusing to believe until they fill a hole somewhere.

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Fun Stuff, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

160 Responses to Rise and Shine! Saturday Morning Open Thread

  1. Anthony says:

    🙂

  2. mothy67 says:

    Such a joke made about the religion of pieces would mean a beheading.

  3. DeniseVB says:

    Stampede? This looks like a normal rush hour at Penn Station! I went through the threads and a lot of people are blaming Trump, of course 😉

    and the rest of the story…..

    • lateblum says:

      Wanna talk spoiled SJW? In the article, a 31y/o woman was quoted as trying to get home for Shabbat and thought she might call her father to let him know of the train delay and to ask him if he wanted to pay for an Uber to get her there on time. Seriously. She’s 31 and wants her father to pay for Uber. I wonder, if she were going out to party with friends, would she ask them to pay for Uber to get her there?

  4. DeniseVB says:

    This guy is right. Every time I hear a politician get nailed for doing something evil I think to myself, is that all he did? Thanks Hillary 😉

  5. Dora says:

    The latest in the Biden adventures. Sometimes you just have to get away from the real news.

    ==

    EXCLUSIVE: Kathleen Biden sobs in court as she details the collapse of her marriage to Hunter but he’s no-show as he stays home with his brother’s widow who is now his lover

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4412890/Hunter-Biden-s-wife-sobs-court-judge-grants-divorce.html

  6. DeniseVB says:

    So sad that some people use Huffpoop as a news source. So happy when someone nails them 🙂

    • mothy67 says:

      I guess now that muzzies are the favorites no need to say STRAIGHT white men. Gays under the bus unless they identify as women. So fucked up.

  7. americasuits says:

    Maybe we oughta leave Jesus alone in this one

  8. Dora says:

    She doesn’t look too bad, but I remember her from Laugh-In when she was so young and vivacious.

    • DeniseVB says:

      Have always been a fan of Goldie…..thank goodness she’s finally aging 😛

    • NBD says:

      God, that woman really needs to start sporting a burka. Yech!

      • DeniseVB says:

        How will you look at 71 ? Goldie’s rawking it 🙂

      • lateblum says:

        Not every woman can look like this in her 70’s. In fact NO woman I know has looked this good – ever. Goldie looks great. I only hope you look half as good as she when you get to be her age. The only person I can think of who has defied Mother Nature is Raquel Welch. This is a photo of her last fall.

        • Ann says:

          Raquel Welch looks fabulous. Jacquline Smith looks even better. (Just drop a link for a pic, or so I have to html code the image for it to show?)

          • lateblum says:

            she is a beauty. They just did a cover on her on CBS Sunday Morning last week.
            To post a photo you need a jpg link. So I went to google images to get a jpg of Jaclyn Smith and this is one of the photos that I could post without a problem.

          • mothy67 says:

            Jaclyn Smith is also a savvy business woman. Worth 90 million. Her kmart collection did well.

        • Jeffhas says:

          IMO:

          Raquel is the pinnacle – I do not even get how that is possible – I think she’s better looking then when she was young!

          Jaclyn is a close second

          Then there is
          Sophia Loren
          And
          Anne Margaret (car accident and all – she looks pretty good now for 75)

          And the babies:
          Cheryl Ladd
          Linda Carter
          Christie Brinkley

          … but all these babes have clearly had some work done…

          Wanna see what father times does on his own? Go look at Ursula Andress at 81. We should all be so lucky to make it to 81 and be able to look like that… but it ain’t Raquel.

        • Jadzia says:

          Don’t forget Sophia Loren!

          • lateblum says:

            No one could forget Sophia Loren. I saw her in person when I was young. Utterly amazing!

          • Ann says:

            When we went to Amalfi we went along the coast on a boat ride and her house was pointed out to us (the entrance was via the water, you parked your boat, and then an elevator up to the house). I took photos (first time I ever did anything like THAT!), but alas, no Sophia Loren out waving.

          • mothy67 says:

            I read they wanted her to play the daughter in Two Women. I gues they were going to make her about 16(she was 26) and wanted to play the mother. Smart move.

          • mothy67 says:

            Originally cast as the more glamorous child, Sophia fought against type and was re-cast as the mother, evidencing a lack of vanity and proving herself as a genuine actress. This performance received international acclaim and was honored with an Academy Award for Best Actress

            http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000047/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm

  9. mothy67 says:

    Reflecting on the joke –I was raised very Catholic and while the joke did not offend me it did stir something up in me. Just a twinge. Now lets say you are taught from birth that infidels are evil and jihad is the bestest super thing ever. Mothers put suicide vests on their children. Harf believes they just need better paying jobs. Chick from Who’s the Boss thinks we can hug it out.
    I reacted to a joke and I have not been in a church for regular service in decades yet at 50 I had a reaction. The dims think they can erase that? Insane.

  10. DeniseVB says:

    April the Giraffe is finally giving birth and trending on Twitter now. There’s some photos, but chose this tweet instead 😉

  11. mothy67 says:

    Good Grief
    What is wrong with her?

  12. Dora says:

  13. DeniseVB says:

    Probably the hardest working VP in my lifetime, Godspeed VP and Mrs. Pence.

  14. Dora says:

  15. Dora says:

    Talk about fake news!

  16. lateblum says:

    There’s been nothing like this spying on our citizenry in the history of this government… says Judicial Watch.

  17. DeniseVB says:

    Well the little bugger is here 😀 (good grief, how painful to give birth to something with hooves?)

  18. lyn says:

    He seems nice.

  19. lateblum says:

    That Fresno State history professor who said “Trump must die.” and assorted other hate-filled statements is now being investigate by the Secret Service and has fled Fresno because he “…fears for (his) safety” and he was just kidding about killing 2 republicans for each deported immigrant… He has deleted his Twitter account – the one he “intended” only to be read by a select circle of friends….

  20. helenk3 says:

    does anyone else think shifty adam schiff looks like a bobble head? look at his skinny neck and big head. every time I see him that is my first thought

  21. Dora says:

    Southern California is enjoying a wildflower “super bloom” after years of extreme drought.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/14/weather/california-super-bloom/index.html

  22. DeniseVB says:

    True story 😀

  23. Dora says:

    An arrest has been made in the murder of Google executive Vanessa Macrotte.

    The suspect is named Angel Cordero Ortiz.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4414412/Cops-make-arrest-murder-Google-executive-jogger.html

  24. DeniseVB says:

    I’m almost starting to feel sorry for Liz Warren. Almost.

    • CiscoKid says:

      This was posted earlier by a Marine Gunny.
      Marines, ya’ gotta love em’

      Jessie Jane Duff‏ @JessieJaneDuff

      Senator Warren: What is the strategy to bomb ISIS?

      Marine: To kill the bastards Senator.
      Fox News‏ @FoxNews
      ‘What is the strategy?’: Sen. Elizabeth Warren calls for explanation from President Trump of MOAB strike

    • 49erDweet says:

      Methinks the senator is confused about a lot of things, but that’s not important.

  25. blowme0bama says:

    Disgusting government propaganda. Genocide, pure and simple. This is what Obama and Hillary wanted for us.

  26. 49erDweet says:

    Have any other TCHers used Amazon Fresh for grocery shopping and delivery? Interested in their comments. We’ve tried it three times and are happy with the food products and delivery service so far, but not that impressed by their paper products. Frozen and refrigerated items have been received appropriately well-chilled.

    • votermom says:

      No not yet. Are the prices good?

    • CiscoKid says:

      Not sure if it’s available in your area but I use PEAPOD.
      Shopping on line for groceries is such a relief.
      No walking up and down aisles.
      Fair prices, I do compare, you can opt for home delivery or pickup.
      Delivery is in a day and time window you choose.
      Ok, commercial is over

    • 49erDweet says:

      Prices comparisons are ongoing but so far seem OK. Convenience, quality and variety are pluses. Bananas and Avocados were still not quite ripe, but close. Post Office delivers ’em so we order early morn deliver so we don’t overburden our regular mail carrier…….who bitches about carrying them.😒

  27. mothy67 says:

    Half of the FBI’s Most Wanted list is comprised of foreign nationals living in the U.S., with two coming from Mexico, two from Honduras, and one from Egypt. Another wanted fugitive was born in Illinois, but has close ties to Mexico. The other four fugitives are from the U.S.

    http://www.breitbart.com/texas/2017/04/15/illegal-alien-ms-13-gang-member-added-to-fbis-most-wanted-list/

    Last paragraph

  28. helenk3 says:

    one of my favorite places on earth.

    • DeniseVB says:

      Up in Pennsylvania right? Absolutely breathtaking.

      • helenk3 says:

        Pennsylvania, Delaware border.
        no matter what time of year there is always something blooming. Christmas at Longewood is absolutely beautiful. They have some many different ideas for gardening. One year I was there and they planted black pepper plants that looked like black fern and they put it with Dusty Miller. A black and Silver garden. I had never seen anything like it before.

      • helenk3 says:

        You have to go here at least once in your life during the Christmas Holidays

  29. DeniseVB says:

    Well, this didn’t help. I’m walking the 9-11 Memorial 5k next Sunday in downtown Manhattan. Dh told me to be sure to walk in the middle of the street since it’s more likely an IED will be triggered on the sidewalk. He’s such an expert since finding out the Jar-Jar ‘Boston Bomber’ brothers attended his alma mater.

    If any of my NYC pals want to join me, it just looks so cool to be a part of this…….

    https://www.911memorial.org/5k-runwalk-community-day

  30. mothy67 says:

    We are litterally bringing this shit in on our dime because it makes proggies feel good.

  31. CiscoKid says:

    Just something nice to know.
    Spicer is a Navy commander in the reserve assigned to work with the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He wore his military uniform during his appearance at the Pentagon on Friday.

    Spicer has 17 years of experience in the reserves, according to the Military Times, and has spent his civilian career as a spokesman for the Republican National Committee (RNC) and the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative during the Bush administration.
    17 years of service.⚓️👍

  32. NBD says:

    I hope to hell this isn’t true: Trump demands a ride in the royal carriage during his state visit to London this fall?
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/white-house-demands-carriage-ride-trump-visits-u-article-1.3058887

    • DeniseVB says:

      It’s NYDN, who employs Talcum X, what do you think ?

      • NBD says:

        Well, they source it to the Times of London. I doubt that’s a fake news site. The idea of Trump riding around in a fucking Disney carriage is puke inducing, and it’s even worse to think that he’d insist on riding around in such a thing with the worthless queen. The French had the right idea when it comes to royalty: the best use of them is to parade their severed heads through the streets on pikes.

      • taw46 says:

        From what I read, it is a State Visit, and the usual protocol is a parade, with the visiting Head of State riding with the Queen in a carriage. (President Xi did that). The DM said the Obama admin declined the carriage ride due to security concerns. IF this story is true, I would think it would be more Trump agreeing to ride with the Queen, rather than him “demanding to ride in a gold carriage”. But the other story makes good click bait and satisfies the Trump haters.

  33. Dora says:

    Why bother having laws?

  34. Dora says:

  35. Dora says:

    VIDEO: Trump supporter beaten with skateboard by agitators at Berkeley rally

    Donald Trump supporters and a collection of communists and anarchists clashed in Berkeley, California today, and Trump’s supporters seemed to bear the brunt of the attacks.

    Numerous videos show Trump supporters being beaten in the streets as police failed to keep the two sides apart.

    http://www.theamericanmirror.com/video-trump-supporters-beaten-agitators-berkeley-rally/

  36. That looks like the mosh pit at an ICP concert.

  37. mothy67 says:

Comments are closed.