New ‘Jesus Viagra’ Makes You Rise Three Days Later
From Waterford Whispers, my new guilty pleasure
PHARMACEUTICAL giants Pfizer have teamed up with the Catholic Church to create a new, slow-acting version of their popular ED drug Viagra, designed to mimic the death and resurrection of Our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ™.
Dubbed Jesup, the drug enables men suffering with erectile dysfunction to achieve a full erection capable of penetrative sex, albeit after a three-day wait.
People intending to have some nice, relaxing Sunday morning sex with their partners are instructed to take a Jesup pill at around about 3pm on Friday, after which there will be a waiting period while the drug gets to work until the user rises majestically on Sunday morning, perhaps to the amazement of their followers and the shock and awe of any Roman guards that might be in the vicinity.
“It’s based exactly on the resurrection of Christ, except for a few details,” said drug kingpin Aloysius Pfizer.
“Whereas Jesus left a small cavern empty on Sunday morning, our Jesup pill will help you fill a small cavern instead”.
True to the story of Easter, many people have come forward doubting the rising of Jesup, refusing to believe until they fill a hole somewhere.
🙂
lol Happy Easter dear Anthony!!
And all that visit this great site. ❤
Thanks Foxy – happy Easter to you and yours too! Xoxo
Such a joke made about the religion of pieces would mean a beheading.
Catholics love sex jokes 😀
I had planned on posting a heart rending saga about how Trump created a new refugee crisis. There are thousands of orphaned bombs now because he callously pushed their mother out of an airplane. Thought that might be too controversial, so I decided to play it safe 🙂
😀
😂
😉
You’re such a hoot 😀 More please!
Stampede? This looks like a normal rush hour at Penn Station! I went through the threads and a lot of people are blaming Trump, of course 😉
and the rest of the story…..
Wanna talk spoiled SJW? In the article, a 31y/o woman was quoted as trying to get home for Shabbat and thought she might call her father to let him know of the train delay and to ask him if he wanted to pay for an Uber to get her there on time. Seriously. She’s 31 and wants her father to pay for Uber. I wonder, if she were going out to party with friends, would she ask them to pay for Uber to get her there?
This guy is right. Every time I hear a politician get nailed for doing something evil I think to myself, is that all he did? Thanks Hillary 😉
But the quote is fake:
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2016/mar/23/hillary-clinton-quotes-Internet-complete/
Thanks for doing the work and then posting it here. I don’t like HRC, but I couldn’t believe she had said ^this^. I watched those hearings and never heard that statement. Frankly, she may be an evil woman, but she isn’t stupid enough to say anything like that – out loud.
In fact, when I read that I honestly said to myself, “She never said that.” I didn’t know where to look. Now I do.
She didn’t say it so bluntly, but she did hold Stevens responsible for his own safety. It wasn’t her fault lower level State employee/peons didn’t “brief” her. She has an excuse for everything, never her fault.
Is not. Though I was commenting on the tweeter’s comment, not the quote …..
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/oct/22/clinton-benghazi-hearing-gowdy-dead-deserve-truth/
The latest in the Biden adventures. Sometimes you just have to get away from the real news.
==
EXCLUSIVE: Kathleen Biden sobs in court as she details the collapse of her marriage to Hunter but he’s no-show as he stays home with his brother’s widow who is now his lover
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4412890/Hunter-Biden-s-wife-sobs-court-judge-grants-divorce.html
At least we don’t need to fear a biden dynasty. Kathleen should run for something just to scream about misogyny. Humiliate the family. Do they have kids?
He does have kids. Ugh.
Those are going to be the most awkward family reunions ever.
Imagine if Hunter and Beau’s widow have kids.
The Dems will run it for POTUS as soon as they csn8
Ugh, if they get married he will literally be those kids’ Uncle Daddy.
I know! LOL *gross*
And these elites laugh at our American Hillbillies, it’s a Biden “hold my beer” moment 😉
So sad that some people use Huffpoop as a news source. So happy when someone nails them 🙂
I guess now that muzzies are the favorites no need to say STRAIGHT white men. Gays under the bus unless they identify as women. So fucked up.
Maybe we oughta leave Jesus alone in this one
Jesus still loves us, here’s proof 😉
She doesn’t look too bad, but I remember her from Laugh-In when she was so young and vivacious.
Have always been a fan of Goldie…..thank goodness she’s finally aging 😛
God, that woman really needs to start sporting a burka. Yech!
How will you look at 71 ? Goldie’s rawking it 🙂
Really? You think her mouth looks good? I think she lower face looks really stretched from some procedure. Her lip injections are not bad though (I’ve seen much, much worse!). She looks like a 70+ year old woman that has had a lot of work.
* I think her
That’s why they call it Hollyweird 😉
Nobody’s mentioned her hair style. In my view that’s a too-wanna-be-youthful tell. Shouldn’t she have picked a more mature style? Or is it just me?
Not every woman can look like this in her 70’s. In fact NO woman I know has looked this good – ever. Goldie looks great. I only hope you look half as good as she when you get to be her age. The only person I can think of who has defied Mother Nature is Raquel Welch. This is a photo of her last fall.
Raquel Welch looks fabulous. Jacquline Smith looks even better. (Just drop a link for a pic, or so I have to html code the image for it to show?)
she is a beauty. They just did a cover on her on CBS Sunday Morning last week.
To post a photo you need a jpg link. So I went to google images to get a jpg of Jaclyn Smith and this is one of the photos that I could post without a problem.
Jaclyn Smith is also a savvy business woman. Worth 90 million. Her kmart collection did well.
IMO:
Raquel is the pinnacle – I do not even get how that is possible – I think she’s better looking then when she was young!
Jaclyn is a close second
Then there is
Sophia Loren
And
Anne Margaret (car accident and all – she looks pretty good now for 75)
And the babies:
Cheryl Ladd
Linda Carter
Christie Brinkley
… but all these babes have clearly had some work done…
Wanna see what father times does on his own? Go look at Ursula Andress at 81. We should all be so lucky to make it to 81 and be able to look like that… but it ain’t Raquel.
Nichelle Nichols looks pretty good at 84.
Uh huh! 84… that is a feat.
Don’t forget Sophia Loren!
No one could forget Sophia Loren. I saw her in person when I was young. Utterly amazing!
When we went to Amalfi we went along the coast on a boat ride and her house was pointed out to us (the entrance was via the water, you parked your boat, and then an elevator up to the house). I took photos (first time I ever did anything like THAT!), but alas, no Sophia Loren out waving.
I read they wanted her to play the daughter in Two Women. I gues they were going to make her about 16(she was 26) and wanted to play the mother. Smart move.
Originally cast as the more glamorous child, Sophia fought against type and was re-cast as the mother, evidencing a lack of vanity and proving herself as a genuine actress. This performance received international acclaim and was honored with an Academy Award for Best Actress
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000047/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm
Reflecting on the joke –I was raised very Catholic and while the joke did not offend me it did stir something up in me. Just a twinge. Now lets say you are taught from birth that infidels are evil and jihad is the bestest super thing ever. Mothers put suicide vests on their children. Harf believes they just need better paying jobs. Chick from Who’s the Boss thinks we can hug it out.
I reacted to a joke and I have not been in a church for regular service in decades yet at 50 I had a reaction. The dims think they can erase that? Insane.
Does that mean he’s resigned?
I see what you did there. 😉
And I suppose “they” are the only ones who determine what reality is.
Uh-huh. I see how that works.
Ahhh. The world famous “accept reality” test. Been waitin’ for that one. Because “everyone” knows what reality is. And if they don’t the NYT and Huffpoop are here to ‘splain.
So no air time for democrat politicians then getting free money out of thin air for everyone’s free college. Lol
Also no air time for dems because they can’t accept the reality that trump is the president still.
April the Giraffe is finally giving birth and trending on Twitter now. There’s some photos, but chose this tweet instead 😉
Perfecto !!!
Good Grief
What is wrong with her?
Ooops
In some states, Dems want to overturn bans on FGM in the name of “equality” too. I wonder how Chelsea feels about that ?
http://nevadanewsandviews.com/joecks-democrats-support-bill-that-would-legalize-female-genital-mutilation/
I almost feel sorry for her. Her tweets are vapid talking points. I suppose the die hard hillbots care what she says, but she is no Ivanka. Both had a life of privilege. Chelsea has done what? Look I color with black kids. Ugh.
I know, right? It’s pathetic.
When your period is your privilege. #FFS
I can’t wait til they get to our poops and pees. Oh, you know it’s coming. A Times Square Sh*t In. Because, woman. 😉
I would support subsidized chocolate and hot water bottles a few days a month. Also, immunity from assault and battery charges.
You should tweet that!
But if you’re not on Twitter, have Denise @blogho tweet that…..😉
😛 I would do it.
Take it away, Denise…
LOL, reminds me of my favorite saying…..I have PMS and a gun, any questions? 😛
Breastfeeding OR menstruating, as breastfeeding typically stops menses for at least the first couple of months.
Ahhhh, the spring births, nothing sweeter ❤
I had a reindeer sandwich at IKEA this winter. Now I feel bad, because that little guy is cute!
Probably the hardest working VP in my lifetime, Godspeed VP and Mrs. Pence.
Liar
Al Gore built the internet and saved the planet.
And Cheney brought peace to ME
Notice. He is not flying United. 😉
He would have, but they needed room for more peanuts.
I don’t consider them the media anymore.
They are the propaganda arm of the Democratic Party.
Nothing more, nothing less.
You are 100% right, Kid.
It’s a glorious morning here in Chicago……… Enjoy!
Amen CK.
Talk about fake news!
Jack could have fit on that door!
Yes, he could have, and they both would have been warmer.
It was a first class door and Jack was a steerage passenger.
LOL. It’s been debated for years, even Cameron got into the argument……and scientists!
http://www.etonline.com/news/209034_james_cameron_blasts_mythbusters_for_saying_titanic_jack_could_have_fit_on_the_door/
There’s been nothing like this spying on our citizenry in the history of this government… says Judicial Watch.
Well the little bugger is here 😀 (good grief, how painful to give birth to something with hooves?)
Welcome new babies!! 😀
In the womb they normally don’t present themselves. It’s all in the way they are folded in until they have room to unfold. Hence the birth wobbles that goes away.
Hooves, that is.
It’s the first thing I saw coming out of mommy’s va-jay-jay. Owie. Ok, maybe they’re softer at birther, like my ginormous headed kids at birth. 😉
How would you like to enter this world by being pushed out of a vagina that is 6 feet in the air?
He seems nice.
I like the dog. the four legged one.
And muslims won’t be throwing gays off roofs here in America.
http://www.guns.com/2017/04/14/lgbt-gun-group-aims-to-train-inform/
Mark Dice was suspended from Facebook for making fun of a transgendered woman in a soap commercial who was really the baby’s biological Dad. But, threatening harm is okey-dokey ?
That Fresno State history professor who said “Trump must die.” and assorted other hate-filled statements is now being investigate by the Secret Service and has fled Fresno because he “…fears for (his) safety” and he was just kidding about killing 2 republicans for each deported immigrant… He has deleted his Twitter account – the one he “intended” only to be read by a select circle of friends….
Yep. Sometimes you don’t know who you are fucking with.
Another episode of Stickman.
http://www.breitbart.com/video/2017/04/14/watch-man-carrying-american-flag-punches-berkeley-man-who-confronts-him-for-carrying-flag/
does anyone else think shifty adam schiff looks like a bobble head? look at his skinny neck and big head. every time I see him that is my first thought
It is rather sphere like.
Every time I hear his name I think of the character on the original Law & Order named Adam Schiff– they look similar as well.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0384696/?ref_=tt_cl_t4
Greg Gutfeld nailed it when he said Adam looks like sheriff “Woody” in Toy Story. Wonder if he has Graves disease or an hyperthyroidism. Bulging eyes can be a symptom of illness.
Adam Schiff has what the Germans call a ‘Backpfeifengesicht’ – a face that should be slapped.
Southern California is enjoying a wildflower “super bloom” after years of extreme drought.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/14/weather/california-super-bloom/index.html
True story 😀
An arrest has been made in the murder of Google executive Vanessa Macrotte.
The suspect is named Angel Cordero Ortiz.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4414412/Cops-make-arrest-murder-Google-executive-jogger.html
So sad.
I’m almost starting to feel sorry for Liz Warren. Almost.
This was posted earlier by a Marine Gunny.
Marines, ya’ gotta love em’
Jessie Jane Duff @JessieJaneDuff
Senator Warren: What is the strategy to bomb ISIS?
Marine: To kill the bastards Senator.
Fox News @FoxNews
‘What is the strategy?’: Sen. Elizabeth Warren calls for explanation from President Trump of MOAB strike
Ayup. My dh’s old Recon motto is Mercenaries kill for money, Sadists kill for pleasure, Recon kills for both.
Methinks the senator is confused about a lot of things, but that’s not important.
Disgusting government propaganda. Genocide, pure and simple. This is what Obama and Hillary wanted for us.
😦
“Sweden will never be what it once was.”
They said the same thing about America. That’s how Trump won.
Have any other TCHers used Amazon Fresh for grocery shopping and delivery? Interested in their comments. We’ve tried it three times and are happy with the food products and delivery service so far, but not that impressed by their paper products. Frozen and refrigerated items have been received appropriately well-chilled.
No not yet. Are the prices good?
Not sure if it’s available in your area but I use PEAPOD.
Shopping on line for groceries is such a relief.
No walking up and down aisles.
Fair prices, I do compare, you can opt for home delivery or pickup.
Delivery is in a day and time window you choose.
Ok, commercial is over
Will check it out. Thx.
Not avail on best coast. Thx, tho.
Prices comparisons are ongoing but so far seem OK. Convenience, quality and variety are pluses. Bananas and Avocados were still not quite ripe, but close. Post Office delivers ’em so we order early morn deliver so we don’t overburden our regular mail carrier…….who bitches about carrying them.😒
Half of the FBI’s Most Wanted list is comprised of foreign nationals living in the U.S., with two coming from Mexico, two from Honduras, and one from Egypt. Another wanted fugitive was born in Illinois, but has close ties to Mexico. The other four fugitives are from the U.S.
http://www.breitbart.com/texas/2017/04/15/illegal-alien-ms-13-gang-member-added-to-fbis-most-wanted-list/
Last paragraph
Of course, they’re “white” or “brown” depending upon whichever puts people of European decent in a bad light,
What ever happened to Hispanic?
Oh yea, I get it now.
one of my favorite places on earth.
Up in Pennsylvania right? Absolutely breathtaking.
Pennsylvania, Delaware border.
no matter what time of year there is always something blooming. Christmas at Longewood is absolutely beautiful. They have some many different ideas for gardening. One year I was there and they planted black pepper plants that looked like black fern and they put it with Dusty Miller. A black and Silver garden. I had never seen anything like it before.
Couldn’t be far from I-95 then ?
it is on Baltimore Pike
You have to go here at least once in your life during the Christmas Holidays
Well, this didn’t help. I’m walking the 9-11 Memorial 5k next Sunday in downtown Manhattan. Dh told me to be sure to walk in the middle of the street since it’s more likely an IED will be triggered on the sidewalk. He’s such an expert since finding out the Jar-Jar ‘Boston Bomber’ brothers attended his alma mater.
If any of my NYC pals want to join me, it just looks so cool to be a part of this…….
https://www.911memorial.org/5k-runwalk-community-day
We are litterally bringing this shit in on our dime because it makes proggies feel good.
Oops
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/apr/15/syria-aleppo-bombing-evacuees-rebels-killed
Yup. You can shut every “refugees welcome” pussy down by demanding they provide a single good reason to do so aside from “it makes [them] feel good”.
Just something nice to know.
Spicer is a Navy commander in the reserve assigned to work with the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He wore his military uniform during his appearance at the Pentagon on Friday.
Spicer has 17 years of experience in the reserves, according to the Military Times, and has spent his civilian career as a spokesman for the Republican National Committee (RNC) and the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative during the Bush administration.
17 years of service.⚓️👍
I hope to hell this isn’t true: Trump demands a ride in the royal carriage during his state visit to London this fall?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/white-house-demands-carriage-ride-trump-visits-u-article-1.3058887
It’s NYDN, who employs Talcum X, what do you think ?
Well, they source it to the Times of London. I doubt that’s a fake news site. The idea of Trump riding around in a fucking Disney carriage is puke inducing, and it’s even worse to think that he’d insist on riding around in such a thing with the worthless queen. The French had the right idea when it comes to royalty: the best use of them is to parade their severed heads through the streets on pikes.
Never heard of the Times of London, sorry.
It’s crossword puzzle is a bitch and a balf.
Considered by some to be highly reputable.
Well, you’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you?
From what I read, it is a State Visit, and the usual protocol is a parade, with the visiting Head of State riding with the Queen in a carriage. (President Xi did that). The DM said the Obama admin declined the carriage ride due to security concerns. IF this story is true, I would think it would be more Trump agreeing to ride with the Queen, rather than him “demanding to ride in a gold carriage”. But the other story makes good click bait and satisfies the Trump haters.
Exactly.
bull shit.
Why bother having laws?
VIDEO: Trump supporter beaten with skateboard by agitators at Berkeley rally
Donald Trump supporters and a collection of communists and anarchists clashed in Berkeley, California today, and Trump’s supporters seemed to bear the brunt of the attacks.
Numerous videos show Trump supporters being beaten in the streets as police failed to keep the two sides apart.
http://www.theamericanmirror.com/video-trump-supporters-beaten-agitators-berkeley-rally/
That looks like the mosh pit at an ICP concert.