New ‘Jesus Viagra’ Makes You Rise Three Days Later
From Waterford Whispers, my new guilty pleasure
PHARMACEUTICAL giants Pfizer have teamed up with the Catholic Church to create a new, slow-acting version of their popular ED drug Viagra, designed to mimic the death and resurrection of Our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ™.
Dubbed Jesup, the drug enables men suffering with erectile dysfunction to achieve a full erection capable of penetrative sex, albeit after a three-day wait.
People intending to have some nice, relaxing Sunday morning sex with their partners are instructed to take a Jesup pill at around about 3pm on Friday, after which there will be a waiting period while the drug gets to work until the user rises majestically on Sunday morning, perhaps to the amazement of their followers and the shock and awe of any Roman guards that might be in the vicinity.
“It’s based exactly on the resurrection of Christ, except for a few details,” said drug kingpin Aloysius Pfizer.
“Whereas Jesus left a small cavern empty on Sunday morning, our Jesup pill will help you fill a small cavern instead”.
True to the story of Easter, many people have come forward doubting the rising of Jesup, refusing to believe until they fill a hole somewhere.