You may have noticed that Al Franken is desperately trying to rehabilitate his image. We have a preview of his latest series of ads aimed at humanizing him after destroying his public image. The above ad is designed to instruct the “undocumented” on what is and is not acceptable behavior in the United States. He considers it part of his civic duty to ensure that all and any illegals comply with our cultural guidelines.
FRANKEN DETERMINED TO SAVE DODD-FRANK!
In this ad, Senator Franken gives (former) Senator Barney Frank a little support while President Trump goes about dismantling the Dodd-Frank Act. Barney, above, is seen at home doing a little Spirit Cooking for his dinner party. Guests include The Podesta Molesta brothers, Hillary and Bill Clinton and other disgraced former luminaries who are looking forward to an evening of bitching about their irrelevancy after screwing the pooch in the 2016 election.
FRANKEN GETS IN TOUCH WITH MIDDLE AMERICA…
Even though our Capitol Hill Democrats won’t admit it, they privately regret that they’ve lost touch with Middle America. Senator Franken traveled to Walmart to mingle with everyday people, but from the look on this Biker Chick’s face, he’s about to get his ass whooped. He believes he is the perfect spokesman for his beleaguered party, and has launched his “Reach Out and Touch Someone!” tour, designed to reconnect with those who have spurned the Democrats in the General Election. No telling when AT&T will sue him for stealing their tagline, but I’m sure there’s some slush fund somewhere that will pay them off. With our tax dollars.
“UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL” my ass. Get your hands off of me!
Another strategy, called the “Up Close and Personal” campaign includes sneaking up on unsuspecting Trump voters and doing his best to convince them to come back to the
plantation fold and support the Dems again. He even ambushed me! Here he’s seen grabbing my tits in the parking lot of my out of town office. WTF, Al???
DOING PENANCE ON THE HILL
Franken knows that he caused the Democrats a lot of problems with his recent press, and is pictured here giving a weirdly lifelike Nancy Pelosi a little love to get back into her good graces. From what I’ve heard, it may have worked. Pelosi was unavailable for comment because her Botox™ injections interfered with her ability to speak freely.
NO LUNATIC LEFT BEHIND
Mending fences is his new mission. Franken’s sucking up to Pelosi seems to have alienated him from the “other” wing of the Democratic party, and Bernie supporters began to spurn him. Perfect solution was to be pictured supporting Maxine Waters during one of her famous “Heil Hitler! Impeach 45!” rallies.
CHAMPION OF THE DOWNTRODDEN
Nothing says “I’m really a decent human being” like coming to public aid of the underdog. Here, Franken supports pariah and has-been Kathy Griffin after she stupidly destroyed what she referred to as her ‘career’. In case you forgot, Griffin attempted to show herself as a folk hero by distributing a pic of her holding the bloody head of a sitting President. That didn’t not only backfire, but I’ve heard the ISIS is suing her for cultural appropriation. The court date is scheduled for early 2018 in San Francisco and rumored to be presided over by the same judge who let Kate Steinle’s murderer off the hook. Nobody really knows what kind of outcome to expect, but Griffin thanked Franken for his support, noting that “nobody’s wanted to touch my tits in years”.
Rattled by the positive response President Trump’s “Merry Christmas” message has evoked, Franken tries his hand(s) at showing America that he fully embraces Christianity. When asked if he thought he had gone too far with this ad, he replied that he was simply showing the world that he is willing to reach across the (religious) aisle and give equal respect to all religions as well as all women.
Thats all, folks. I’m getting sick of seeing his face and I don’t want to Photoshop myself into oblivion.