We’re Going To Be Okay

A fresh baked open thread with my favorite graphic.  Party on !

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170 Responses to We’re Going To Be Okay

  1. DeniseVB says:

    The Democrats are here. Right?

  2. Dora says:

    But the democrats don’t see a problem.

  3. foxyladi14 says:

    Thank you Denise.❤

  4. DeniseVB says:

    The Dems are all about the Benjamins…..

  5. foxyladi14 says:

    Amen 👍

    • Cisco says:

      WHAT!!
      With a enviable record like this, Shitcago didn’t make the team?
      Year to Date
      Shot & Killed: 73
      Shot & Wounded: 343
      Total Shot: 416
      Total Homicides: 82
      Oh yea, just wait till summer ☠🔫☠

  6. Cisco says:

    Kamala is the anointed one for the Dem’s.

  7. Mothy67 says:

    I just got off the phone with Amex. Someone tried to buy 150 dollars in gas in Michigan. Seven minutes ago. Declined. Impressed that they flagged it. I wonder though if the thief will face anything. It was two attempts of 75. I don’t think it was from my kindle as it was locked and even if they got in they wouldn’t have my full account numbers just the last 4. I would bet it was cloned. I think i can guess where, but can’t prove it. Really pisses me off as I’m sure there won’t be any repurcussions. Yet I had to freeze my accounts and lock my credit reports. Grrrrrrrr.

    • swanspirit says:

      $150 worth of gas!? What are they driving, a truck?

    • jeffhas says:

      AMEX ‘holds’ $75 when you scan your card at an outside gas pump – then settles the actual amount pumped after the transaction closes.

      So, they tried it twice, denied twice, which means no loss.

      Yeah, I’ve been through this before.

      In all of the instances I’ve been hit, no one has ever been ‘caught’…. and i’ve Always been reimbursed by the bank or CC company.

      Good luck to you, but don’t stress!

      • Mothy67 says:

        Not stressed just pissed off.

        • jeffhas says:

          well I didn’t say not to be pissed.

          It’s such a sick feeling to know there are so many scammers – even if you’re careful… The gas station attendant or the convenience store clerk or the waitress can grab your number and weeks later it shows they are scamming you.

          Now you got me pissed off too !!

    • lateblum says:

      I really hate when that happens! I’ve just now put a lock on one of my cards as I havent been able to find it for a week. I’ve checked online all week, and no one has tried using it, so I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in my apartment (I hope). That said, I’ve looked everywhere and then some, nearly everyday without success. Its worse when someone actually takes the cards. That has happened to me 3 times when I had my purse and/or wallet stolen. At least this time, it was easy to lock the card and to request a new card.
      Good luck, Mothy.

  8. Dora says:

    • Cisco says:

      And the new voice of the Democrat party, AOC bitches that there is just soooo much work to do in DC, that she can’t wait to go back to NY

  9. Dora says:

    That’s what I call a short honeymoon.

  10. Dora says:

  11. helenk3 says:

    https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/kass/ct-met-john-kass-chicago-policing-20190321-story.html

    I do not blame the Chicago police. they get no backup from city government

    • Cisco says:

      Kass nailed it, big time.
      Not bs “gun violence” but just STREET GANGS doing what the do best.
      Killing over lucrative drug turf, killing opposition, and just for the fuck of it.
      If the gangs didn’t have guns they’d use hammers, bricks or tire irons.

      • SHV says:

        A year or so ago(?), the Chicago Police Superintendent was asked about motive for increased killings and, to paraphrase, he said you knew the motive if you knew the ZIP code where the killing occurred. In certain “communities”, people killed because they were “disrespected” on social media (Black) and others because of Gang affiliation and drugs (Hispanic).

  12. Dora says:

    This was back when SNL was really good. And Steve was one of the best. 🙂

  13. Island Girl says:

    Watched Andy Irons:Kissed by God twice now since last night. Lots of f bombs but beautiful scenery and lessons on drugs and mental illness and how no one gets out alive. Highly recommend

  14. lateblum says:

    Just watched some amazing basketblal tonight. Thrilling. The men’s NCAA tournament has been exciting for the most part. Have a great night everyone!

  15. taw46 says:

  16. Seymour Clearly says:

    • Anthony says:

      I love it when Karma comes in bunches lol. This asswipe talked BIG for 2 years, became the Democrat Socialsts hero. They swore he would be the Trump Slayer. Then, one fine day, he got his punk ass arrested for EVERYTHING under the sun lmao. Gotta love it.

  17. blowme0bama says:

    NYT – The $15 Minimum Wage is here. Why we need $33 per hour.
    https://archive.fo/mha7T

    • DandyTIger says:

      If $15 is not enough, why would $33 be enough? Why not $50? Maybe $100.

    • Anthony says:

      I’m getting close to moving out of this fucking city. I don’t recognize the any more. I almost packed my bags and was ready to move to Galveston on a whim. For real.

    • DeniseVB says:

      When my daughter had her bike shop, she paid her mechanics $35/hr. Oh gee, the price you pay for “skilled” labor. Don’t get me started on entry level unskilled wages, the 8 years she owned the shop she figured she cleared 90 cents an hour for herself. Funny sidebar: these were the same mechanics who spent their nights at OWS when they were squatting in Manhattan. I remember being politely inquisitive by asking them the meaning of OWS’ objectives. They laughed, dunno, but easy lays of crazy chicks and free food.

  18. Woke Lola says:

    Okay, folks, I need some advice.

    As many of you know, I love my daughter very much. However, she is struggling and I don’t know what to do. I’m at my wit’s end. She’s 25 and she moved back in with me & spouse last May after she and her boyfriend broke it off. They broke it off because my daughter’s behavior is absolutely unacceptable. She is suffering from some sort of PTSD over being robbed at gunpoint twice in two weeks in 2016. Ever since that happened, she has not been the same, and she is increasingly off the chart in her hostility toward anyone who tries to check her behavior. She plays video games all day every day, and if I try to interrupt her, she will say the nastiest things to me.

    I tried to counsel her after these crimes that she needed to seek counseling therapy for PTSD and she has declined. I have repeatedly kept giving her this advice as I saw her slide into whatever this holding pattern now is. I have tried everything I know to try to get her to move, including threatening to kick her out. From May of last year when she moved in, until January of this year she refused to get a job working more than 20 hours a week, even though she can’t even pay the bills she alone is responsible for on that. We don’t make her pay rent and she has only recently started buying her own food.

    In January she got a tempt-to-hire job and she really hoped she would get hired full time. I finally got her to agree to go to counseling, but we went through my EAP at work, and that didn’t work out too well. She did not get hired full time and was notified via email of that, and that they didn’t have anything else for her. She was basically let go. I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was because of her behavior at work. She thinks it’s because she had to request a couple of hours off to go to this counseling appointment.

    Anyway, I refused to kick her out in winter for obvious reasons. Now that we’re approaching spring, I want to give her a deadline of June 1st, which I think is entirely reasonable.She is so nasty to me, in particular, and tries to manipulate me so much. She was very hostile to me for months and now that she has lost her job it’s all “I love you mommy” shit. I hate it. I can barely stand it. I think giving her a deadline and following through is probably the right thing to do and that one day she’ll thank me. But at the same time I am fearful that she will give up and do something irreversible, like suicide. I’m sitting here looking at this and I’m like, what can I live with? This horrible condition in my house for an indeterminable duration, possible forever, or living with the knowledge that my daughter decided to suicide after I kicked her out? Or what if she lives and thrives and goes no-contact? I don’t think I can handle it either way. But what if she lives and thrives and is thankful? Always a possibility.

    I did find another therapist and she has emailed them. But I’ve been listening to her party on XBox all afternoon while I studied. I come home from work to find her partying away. I sometimes can’t even sleep because she is so loud late. I try to get her to tone it down, and she’s nasty, but does tend to tone it down. My husband is no help. He doesn’t know what to do either. He has no kids of his own. We’re going on a year of this. Her boyfriend put up with for 2.5 years, bless his heart, though it wasn’t always that bad with them. She just creeped into this space with him over the first year or so.

    What would you do in this situation? What would you advise?

    • blowme0bama says:

      If she’s threatening anyone or herself, have a court order her hospitalized.

    • votermom says:

      I am so sorry to hear this Lola. I don’t know if I have any advice, but you both have my prayers right now.
      I think if it were my daughter, I would revert to teen rules (since she seems to have regressed in behavior).
      “I know you are going through a terrible time, but the way you are avoiding life now through xbox hibernation etc is not helping you and is hurting me. I love you, so while you are here I will help you by imposing these rules…
      Then I would lay out the rules, and they would be kinda bootcampish.
      Asleep by this hour, up by this hour, x amount of time working outdoors (chores or martial.arts or something) eat healthy food, no intoxicants.
      X amount of time working on this thing (job hunting)
      X amount of time doing therapy related work (mindfulness, meditation, etc)
      No fighting, no temper tantrums.

      My house, my rules.

    • Woke Lola says:

      I think I just needed to put it out there. I did some research after posting here and I think I have a plan.

      I’m going to giver her notice on April 1st that she is to be out of the house on June 1st. In the notice via letter, I’m going to say we want to support her in her transition and that if she needs help with things like doing laundry or supplementing food, we’ll be happy to help. I’m also going to tell her we will pay for her therapy if she pursues, but we will only pay for 3 months.

      That gives her time to get a game plan going and find a job and resources. She will see it coming and it will be a rational, calm process for us, She will likely pitch a fit, and be very manipulative, but I will stand strong and silent and follow through. I’m just going to have to take the risk. With support, maybe it will be enough.

      • 49erDweet says:

        That time element is too far away for her to properly grasp, IMO. I’d shorten the out-by date. She’s living in the “now”.

        • Woke Lola says:

          I do understand 49er, but I have to live by my values, not hers. I was kicked out of my house at age 18. I was told the night before I would be driven somewhere the next day and to find out where that place would be. I will never, ever do that to her, even though she is 25, not 18. I have to do the right thing according to my values not only for myself, but also as a modeling act for her.

    • blowme0bama says:

      Give her the deadline and tell her you’ll give her $ for an apartment deposit. She goes no matter what. She’s going to stay there as long as you allow it.

      • lateblum says:

        Lola, I’m so sorry to hear this is happening. I know it’s really hard to live this way for you and probably for her. Much of what you have written about your limits and rules and expectations are what I, myself, would say. Given my own experience with insisting that one of my own kids went to therapy, I’d suggest for you to say that you will pay for the therapy sessions that she actually attends. Are there any therapy groups for people with PTSD, or people who are dealing with trauma? Maybe she would be more amenable to a a therapy group. It might be easier to get her into a group than an individual therapsit. Would she be open to going to therapy with you once in a while? does she see your limits as punitive? Or can she see them as relating to your needs as they relate to your current status as student as well as her mother.
        I apologize if I’m getting too personal or preachy. I hope you are able to stick with the limits you’ve set and that your daughter doesn’t use it to manipulate you.

        • Woke Lola says:

          Not at all Lateblum. I put it out there to talk freely about it. I hadn’t really thought about therapy groups, but that is a good idea. I’ll look into it. That’s also great advice on paying for the sessions she attends. I could see her blowing it off or being so late the therapist won’t see her.

          She does see my limits as punitive. She says I treat her like a child, and maybe I do. I don’t think requiring a clean room and a time when the house has to go silent on work days as unreasonable. I don’t think being mad about the dishes and silverware that I worked hard to pay for getting lost in the garbage piles in her room is unreasonable. I don’t think not letting her dog spend the night in my house full of cats is unreasonable. Her dog lives with her ex-boyfriend because that is the one boundary I have managed to enforce, but I allow him to visit here from time to time, even though it makes our cats crazy.

          I would be happy to go to therapy with her, after she begins and if her therapist and she thinks it’s a good idea.

          And if she ever does makes threats to hurt herself or someone else, I will absolutely invoke a 72 hour hold on her so fast her head will spin.

          • DeniseVB says:

            When my daughter had addiction problems, I found an online group which helped me stay strong against giving in to my mom guilt. Just do a search for “online support groups”, there’s so many and they’re free, so avoid any who want to charge you. I think the one I was in was though Nar-Anon and they were fabulous. Since my dd was an adult also, I learned to stop punishing myself over something I couldn’t control. You can be anonymous and speak freely without judgment. Try it, you’ll like it 🙂

          • lateblum says:

            Also, I just left a comment under Constance’s response to you. It has a couple more thoughts about therapists and therapy modalities. My very best to you and your family.

          • 49erDweet says:

            You got to be firm that your treating her the way she’s acting. Start acting her age and you’ll treat her that way. Throw it back on her. Always.

          • Woke Lola says:

            Definite;y agree on this.

    • DandyTIger says:

      That’s a really tough situation. It’s one thing to let the kid back in the house if they’re quiet, helpful, and doing what they can to get back on their feet. If that were the case, then that’s an easy situation to help with. Even that has its limits. But to manipulate, abuse, and not be a good “tenant” make it intolerable. Of course with some possible mental illness issue, it makes it more difficult to be sure of putting down the hammer so to speak. But there’s another issue, you and your husbands mental and physical well being. You are suffering with how things are going now it sounds like. I think the best thing for her and you is to draw the line and give notice. And hope and pray that’s exactly what she needs to get on the right path. But the bottom line is you’re not a therapist and can’t give her the mental health counseling and direction she needs. So she’s not getting better and you guys are getting worse. It can’t continue.

      • Woke Lola says:

        This is exactly right. I have been trying to work this puzzle in my head for months and months and once I put it out there, outside my own head, it became evident to me that nothing we are doing is in her best interests. Nothing she is doing is in her best interests. She is the only one who can make the decisions that are in her best interests.

        By allowing her to continue in this way, we are making it impossible for her to see what she needs to do and act on it. 60 days is more than enough time to come up with a game plan. And of course we will help her with a down payment on an apartment, as blowmeobama suggested. It was just hard to know what to do and how to approach it, but I’m done suffering and enabling. Something has to give and this is the best way, I think. Even if it does result in her making more bad choices, or god forbid, taking that irreversible action, I know at the end of the day I did everything I could, and it’s not a reflection on me as a parent. I wasn’t a perfect parent, but I was a good one.

    • Constance says:

      If you set a date for her to move out you will have to stick to it or your life will be a series of new missed dates. I’m not sure a counselor will help they are usually touchy feelie people. First step, make her uncomfortable in your home. No video games, it’s your house and they disturb your peace. Then she might not be able to set a step by step plan so perhaps you could help. Perhaps find her a tiny space, move her in and pay one months rent and then half a months rent for the next 3 months. Tell her that is all you can afford so she needs to make a plan and that you love her and so if she wants to discuss the plan you are would love to listen. There are no easy options.

      • lateblum says:

        I completely agree on sticking with whatever decisions or deadlines Lola makes. And the idea of helping plan and/or pay for the new living arrangements.
        If Lola can find a therapist who works with Borderline PD or with trauma survivors, they might not be as touchy feely. Or even someone who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral therapy or Dialectical behavioral therapy, that feely-ness shouldn’t play a huge role – if any – in the course of treatment.
        I wonder if there might have been a head injury involved in the robberies. Certainly head injuries can and do cause significant changes in personality, behavior and cognitive process. It’s just another thought.

        • Somebody says:

          Leslie I hadn’t thought of that. My MIL was attacked and she went downhill fast. She’d just lay around in bed, she had jars of peanut butter by her bed she’d eat spoonfuls of she wouldn’t get out of bed to eat. Years she was like that my FIL went on with his life and mostly ignored her. She went to doctors they told her it was all in her head…..psycho therapy, on and on.

          After FIL died hubby and I ended up taking care of her. I happened to read a Mayo article that described her. Got her into the Mayo, testing, surgery and a long slog of PT. She was a changed person, never back to 100%, but I’d say 90%. The doctors were right it was all in her head, it was fluid in her head…..they didn’t mean it that way though.

          Definitely worth consideration.

          • lateblum says:

            It is sad that your MIL – and everyone else – suffered for so long before any treatment worked for her. Lucky for her, you were reading the right article at the right time. It sounds like she went through a lot before her 90% recovery. But 90% is really great!

        • Constance says:

          Head injuries are a horrible problem and the damage is not necessarily obvious. My ex crashed his bike and ended up in the county hospital for 4 days. I hate to say he was never the same. Yes, he could function and would probably be called normal but it changed his personality.. I wouldn’t have left him because I couldn’t live with that but thank God he divorced me about 15 years after the wreck and immediately married a reasonable woman who treats him like a difficult child. I have thrown both my over 18 kids out. The one holds grudges and after 6 years on her own is starting to rebuild our relationship. My son has been living with me for a year and a half but pays $1,500. a month and acts like an adult man at this point, so we get along fine but he has never been a grudge holder.

    • Lurker says:

      Sorry to hear that Lola. Would you and her joining up for martial arts/self defense training help? i.e. Could her feeling helpless during the robbery be the root cause?

    • Anthony says:

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Lola. If you like, give me a call. I’d be happy to listen and help in any way you think i can. Hang in there.

    • Miranda says:

      There are also groups for parents/relatives of people who are addicts or have other problems, and I think it would be good for you to look into this for yourself.

      My father and his wife finally had to do this because the wife kept enabling one of her relatives who wouldn’t work and was on drugs. She was giving them money and helping them out to the point where it was threatening her marriage to Dad. The therapist was good for them both.

      • Woke Lola says:

        Miranda, you hit the underlying need. Are you a social worker too?

        Our marriage is now suffering for it. My husband and I are very honest with each other and in the past week I have made a couple statements about just wanting to disappear into the wind myself after I graduate in May. That’s not okay. I don’t want to do it. And it’s not fair to him. But I am at my breaking point. I can’t do it much longer without sacrificing everything to her dysfunction. And I can’t watch her wallow in it. At some point I have to save myself and what I’ve built and trust that I have given her all the skills she needs to fly and thrive. I know it’s going to be painful, but I am a goddamn pro at handling and processing pain due to my own childhood trauma.

        • mcnorman says:

          Lola my prayers are with you. That said, your daughter is a 25 year old adult. My house, my rules. What would happen if you were hit by a bus today and didn’t survive? We always think that we have the luxury of being around all the time. Then what?

        • swanspirit says:

          Dear Lola, I cannot tell you how sorry I am to read about your situation with your daughter, literally, I cannot post my response to you here on this blog, for reasons I cannot post here on this blog. I will post it in our group, and at least I can say here that I hope you find a workable solution, in the best interests of everyone in your family.
          Am sending you lots and lots of love.

          • DeniseVB says:

            The Klown Posse is Open 24/7. Is that the group you meant ?

          • 49erDweet says:

            Just before Christmas our (toxic) adult son came down from the NW to spend a couple of weeks with us. We’re FINALLY rid him after drama+drama+drama+drama+trauma+drama. Ad infinitum. In the end we had to boot him (and his destructive doggie) out. Feeling your pain.

        • Miranda says:

          No, I’m not a social worker (doesn’t go well with the seething hatred for most of humanity). It’s just that a similar situation happened in my family and counselling really helped Dad’s wife to see that she was being used.

          I’ve also done caregiving, although not for behavioral, and I know how tiring it is.

          “At some point I have to save myself”

          Yep.
          “I know it’s going to be painful, but I am a goddamn pro at handling and processing pain due to my own childhood trauma.”

          You don’t have to wrestle alone. There are people who can help.

    • DeniseVB says:

      I could give you a “Hold My Beer” story, but loved all the suggestions our fellow TCHers gave you, they work. Hang in there, ToughLove does work. ❤

  19. Island Girl says:

    Wow I too have had this situation in one form or another. Got granddaughter’s fighting the Reservation over my grand babies. Baffling big hug Lola I hate this shit.

    • Woke Lola says:

      Damn, sorry to hear that Island girl. Consider yourself hugged back!

      • Somebody says:

        Lola, I completely understand, been there done that and dealing with it again at present. My son was like that, although much younger. He was in college, his choice to stay at home due to gf. They broke up and down the drain he went, 18 we couldn’t force counseling. We ended up putting him in a dorm and all we did was push the problem out of our house, but did nothing to help him.

        He ended up disappearing for about a year, vanished. We didn’t know if he was dead or alive. I hired a PI, eventually found him but literally went to the morgue to view a John Doe that washed up in the river matching his description. That was very, very difficult.

        We found him, he was alive told us to FO. Months later he showed up, told us his.life sucked and he needed help. We allowed him back in, with rules. He followed the rules, which included him working and paying for his own college. He complied, things seems to be going well, although he was trashing us online 🙄. About a year later he moved out unannounced, just boom gone. He was just at the point where we were ready to help him with college. In fact we did help to his surprise. It was all good that 1st semester then he started dropping classes, etc. Also, our youngest was diagnosed with cancer so we stopped aiding and he quit again.

        He did OK, had a decent job worked long hours actually got promoted in his field because he knew his stuff. Met up with baby mama felt sorry for her, we know how that turned out. Once a kid was in picture wanted a better life, better home/ work balance finally finished his last couple of classes and got an even better job……….a house, couple more kids, she left and here we are.

        There will be a part 2.

        • Somebody says:

          Part 2, currently dealing with similar with youngest. Unlike her brother she’s been in counseling and group sessions etc. She’s the cancer survivor. She has a counselor here locally and a psychiatrist down in the big city.

          Like my other 2 kids she’s smart. She scored in the 97th percentile on the SAT. She had multiple scholarship offers and we really thought she was going off to college, like her siblings back out at the last minute didn’t want to leave home. WTF? I couldn’t wait to leave home, I did something wrong……thank god she’s my youngest.

          She slips in and out of having her shot together and not. Currently not, her room is a bio-hazard. I’m on my 3rd set of silverware. I currently have 2 cereal bowls in my house and I guard them with my life. Clashes, yes we have clashes. It’s way worse with hubby gone. I knock on her door to say dinner is ready and the reply I often get is “Fuck off I’m busy”.

          She’s busy gaming. Her team scored 3rd place internationally, I don’t fucking care. In the past we would cut the internet connection at midnight, she resented it but it brought her back from the abyss. Guess what is about to happen again?

          I wish we had done that with our son. It cuts it off for the entire house. She has a phone, but we take that too. Unlike my son, she’s anal about her grades so there’s that. So far one B, the rest A’s. She will be heading off to school soon due to her major, unless she is one of 60 selected for an exclusive program here at the university of FL’s teaching hospital. An honor if she is selected, but 🤔

          I understand your frustration and setting deadlines and tough love are often the only way…….but do you want to view John Doe’s in the morgue?

          If she doesn’t change her behavior she will continue to fail and not cross into adulthood. I’ve found when we’re on the road on vacation or a long weekend trip my daughter and back in the day my son are more talkative.

          Maybe try a small trip somewhere that your daughter will want to go. Wait until she’s receptive and CALMLY talk to her. You love her, she has issues, must grow up, you want to help but you are not a doormat. As a parent your job is to raise a responsible adult, not a grown child. New rules, no internet in house after X hour, room cleared of all debris, she washes her dishes and laundry. She gets a job, we have the lowest unemployment in 65 years, don’t take any BS excuses.

          You set your deadline, tell her you will help but she has to help herself. You set rules to assist her transition to adulthood, you strongly suggest counseling and offer to help. She may or may not get there by June, that’s a quick turn around but all you can do is try. If things improve you may change your mind, but I understand. You’ve raised her, you’ve done your job, you deserve happiness too.

          My son got his shot together (kind of), but it was a long ugly slog. I’m in the middle of this with my youngest,but she’s 19 and in college. I had a whole different set of issues with my middle child. She got involved with a small fundamental church that was more like a cult IMO. Their attitude about my youngest’s cancer finally pulled her from the abyss. Of course I had to endure abuse……God was punishing me via my child’s cancer, repent.

          I do OK with little ones, I suck with the teen- young adulthood. I am not dealing with that shit with my grandbabies, practice doesn’t always make perfect.

          • Woke Lola says:

            Wow, Somebody. That’s quite a story. Between you, me, Denise, Island Girl and several others here, there was a clearly a need to have this discussion here. I wish I’d posted sooner.

            We had the small trip about a month ago. We did talk all the way down, and she was very guarded at first, but she soon settled into it. We were able to talk about things like how she could observe she felt better when she was more productive and spent some time out of the house each day.

            When she was working full time, she couldn’t play video games as much, and her outlook and mood definitely improved. I’m definitely not going to be able to separate her from the video games. She does not care about my rules and her video game equipment is hers, so I can’t take it from her. I can explore ways to cut off the internet at a certain hour. She has her phone and will likely rebel with that, but at least she doesn’t get that beady-eyed addict look on that like she does on Xbox.

            I want to thank everyone here for their advice. June 1st is the date, and we are giving her the notice tomorrow. We are both agreed now, and agreed that we have to hold firm, follow through. She can sleep in her car in June if she has to, and reasonably safely. We even have a plan for what to do if she goes off on us. We’re just going to walk out of the house silently. We are not taking any bait she lays out. We are not discussing it with her other than later, after she’s come to acceptance, if she wants advice on a neighborhood. We are not offering to help until she gets off her ass and has a job where she is saving the money instead of buying more tech.

            No, I don’t want to go to the morgue, and maybe I’ll feel different if I have to, but now that I’ve allowed myself to make a choice and feel some resolve, I’m getting angry over the bind she’s putting us all in. I didn’t raise her like this. I may feel differently after I have to go to the morgue if I do, but it’s a risk I’m now willing to take. I can’t imagine what you went through with that morgue visit, Somebody. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

          • lateblum says:

            That anger you feel is very healthy. I hope it helps your resolve. And I hope your daughter gets better and you can return to being a healthier family.

          • Somebody says:

            Lola it’s your internet, cut off access via the router. My husband is a computer geek. He installed something that cuts off access to the whole house.

            I can ask him how he does it. I just know it’s automatic when he sets it up. It had to be the whole house because just hers sent her off to another computer. She was pissed, but you know what? It helped and brought her back from the edge. She started going to bed and getting sleep, getting on a normal schedule. She had to plan around no internet from midnight to 6am. Of course she’s much younger.

            When hubby gets back I’m having him set that back up, because she has no self control. Well, that’s not fair she has some or else she wouldn’t be keeping her grades, but she spends too much time online.

            Baby mama was/is a gaming addict. Her parents kicked her out after multiple attempts at college, or working, etc. Never lasted soon enough back to gaming, longest she held a job was 10 days I think.

            She couch surfed for months, my son felt sorry for her……and the rest is history. She continued on, even after having children. She’d ignore them in deference to gaming. Finally the state got involved and she beat feet. Again couch surfing for a bit until she ran out of options. She now works 2 fast food jobs and is in general miserable, but she only has herself to blame. She was given opportunity after opportunity. I have no idea, but I’m guessing she doesn’t have much time for video games these days 😛

      • Island Girl says:

        Thank you Lola! There is a reason I live on a small island in the middle of nowhere LOL, in fact when my kid turned 18, me and my hubby moved out!

  20. helenk3 says:

    President Trump came to Fla today and checked on a lake down here that has been causing many problems with algee. The republicans were glad he came so he could understand why we needed the money to help fix the problem. Dippy Debbie Wasserman said he should be ashamed to show his face because he did not give enough money to the everglades.
    that had to be the most stupid thing his dip has ever said and she has said and done many stupid things. He came he took the time to see and listen and maybe help fix the problem. What the hell has she and her dem friend ever done about it?

  21. helenk3 says:

    cisco
    I have found a series of books you might like,by Bruce Robert Coffin a retired cop. It is the John Byron detective series. really good.

    • Cisco says:

      Apologies for getting back to you so late hk3.
      But thanks for the tip that I certainly will check out.
      To much free time.
      I should do something more constructive, like reading and not waste precious time.

    • Constance says:

      I just bought book number 1. Thanks Helen.

  22. Mothy67 says:

    Lola
    Please forgive me if you find these words untoward but they have always provided this asshole(me) with comfort
    Bill
    When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
    I all alone beweep my outcast state,
    And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
    And look upon myself and curse my fate,
    Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
    Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
    Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
    With what I most enjoy contented least;
    Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
    Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
    (Like to the lark at break of day arising
    From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
    For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
    That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

    Another Bill. I was a 16 year old gay poor boy on his 4th high school. I was working as a dish washer trying to learn how to breathe without hurting anyone. I fell on this my pity ended.

    She Dwelt among the Untrodden Ways
    BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH
    She dwelt among the untrodden ways
    Beside the springs of Dove,
    A Maid whom there were none to praise
    And very few to love:

    A violet by a mossy stone
    Half hidden from the eye!
    —Fair as a star, when only one
    Is shining in the sky.

    She lived unknown, and few could know
    When Lucy ceased to be;
    But she is in her grave, and, oh,
    The difference to me!

  23. Mothy67 says:

    I do go a little creepy.
    I open my cruds door to see her sleeping. I check on her every night.
    There is so much in this world to get sick about if you chose to. I am a 52 year old faggot. I could sing so many tunes of pity. My brat could ride the poor me train. Nobody wants me everybody hates me think I’ll eat a worm. She is highly competitive. I never give her a pass. Love her beyond what i can
    Ever express. I got on the bestest ride ever. I don’t even need to raise my voice i glare and say knock it off or you get a flip phone if you opt to be an idiot. Stinky is a blessing. No one wanted her. No one. No mom no dad. Last week a girl slept over. I saw her in the bathroom eating anti depressants. I said to my little witch you better never be mean to any kid. She called me a CUNT. She would never be cruel and I lack imagination if I see her as nothing more than a cliched tired Lohan meme. She is 12. Ugh.

    • Woke Lola says:

      Tough road coming for you, buddy. But you are doing the work to lay the ground work to navigate it successfully. Good luck, and thanks.

  24. Dora says:

  25. Dora says:

    Isn’t this illegal?

    ====

    Gov Cuomo wants taxpayers to foot the bill for state political campaigns
    https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/gov-cuomo-wants-taxpayers-to-foot-the-bill-for-state-political-campaigns

  26. Dora says:

    I wonder if President Trump ever read Rules for Radicals. 🙂

  27. Miranda says:

    I’ve been dealing with my aunt’s illness over the past couple of weeks, or as I like to say, “She’s recovering from the heart failure and emphysema flare. Now, we just have to find out if she has lung cancer”. Not an exaggeration.

    Between that and Lola’s problems with her daughter, I’m not having a lot of patience for people’s inspirational quotes on Facebook. I want to respond with “You say discomfort brings growth? Here’s a frying pan to the face. You’re welcome.”

    • DeniseVB says:

      LOL, “frying pan to the face”, I know that feeling. Especially my 70-something peer group with heavy duty filters that make them look 30. Yeah, right 😛

    • Woke Lola says:

      ((((((((((((Miranda)))))))))))))))

      I’m sure Denise did not anticipate how this thread would turn out, or how aptly she has named it. We ARE going to be okay,. What’s going to happen is going to happen, and we are going to deal with it, pain and all. I’m so sorry for your aunt. Keep us posted on her progress, and yours.

    • lateblum says:

      I hope the answers for your aunt come quickly and give you some optimism.

      *I have a cast iron skillet that I’m not using at the moment, if you’d like to use it.

      • Miranda says:

        It’s not so much optimism as it is an anger with the idea ‘we shouldn’t avoid discomfort because it’s good for us’. Obviously, people have to learn to deal with the crap life throws at everyone, but after various things that have happened, I avoid the hell out of discomfort when I can. I’ve done/am doing/and will do hard things. However, I’m not going to seek them out. In between crises, I’m happy in my comfort zone.

        I have to wonder if people who write inspirational quotes have had anything bad happen to them. Watch someone you love die or go through Alzheimer’s. Then design your poster.

    • elliesmom says:

      I was trying to reach my dad on the phone when he was visiting his father and stepmother. My 3 week old baby was hanging on to life by a thread. My step grandmother told me I should embrace the death of my child because God was preparing a place for him. I told her she should feel free to cut in line and go first. Then I hung up on her. I think the feeling of empowerment I got from doing that is what got me through the rest of the summer. My son recovered, but my relationship with my step grandmother never did. And I’m more than OK with that. Sometimes we just have to shed ourselves.

      • votermom says:

        omg what an awful thing for her to say

      • Woke Lola says:

        Holy cow, what a fucked up thing to say to a new mother. Looks like things worked out exactly the right way. I’m shedding layers left and right after my trip to Texas in December to confront the loss of my father. I’ll be a whole new snake by this summer. LOL

        • swanspirit says:

          Despite not being able to post the names of the guilty to protect the innocent, please know I am right there with you, in spirit, and circumstances, and I am very grateful that you, and everyone have posted, what you have. I admire your optimism, mine needs a boost right now. Love and hugs

    • votermom says:

      Miranda, prayers for you, your aunt, and whole family.

      • Miranda says:

        Thanks. Her endoscopy is at 6:30 tomorrow morning (I plan to mainline caffeine) so hopefully, we’ll hear something soon.

        • Somebody says:

          Will say a prayer for her Miranda. Bless you for taking care of her. Being a caregiver is not easy, as you know.

  28. votermom says:

    I’m reminded of something I learned recently, related to PTSD, which most of you already know about, but might be helpful to some;

    we do all our regular thinking, planning,analysis, memory processing in our prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. But when we are in mortal danger, our amygdala takes over and it only knows Freeze, Flee, Fight. This is how it’s meant to work.

    But – practicing appropriate responses/behavior while in non-threatening situations will let your amygdala grab those tools when it takes over. This is why we have fire drills, for example. In a real.fire you are too panicked to think, so you follow your training.in

    So before we talk to someone with PTSD or similar issues, it’s important to rehearse so that we don’t accidentally trigger their or our own fight-flight response.

    Techniques like mindfulness, measured breathing, meditation, prayer – things that can bring us to a calm aware state are good to practice in safe times so that when we are in a crisis state we can easily slip back into calm.

    Another thing to keep in mind is that when communicating with someone who is being emotional is that body language, posture, tone of voice are more important than actual words

    • Woke Lola says:

      Absolutely right. I train our group at work on emergency drills and active shooter prep, and this is exactly the advice we give.

    • Somebody says:

      Thanks VM, that was informative. My youngest has diagnosed PTSD. I will talk to DD about this. Her counselor or psychiatrist might have, the psychiatrist is big into deep breathing and such. I’ve been cut out of any sessions since she became a teen, just pay the bills.

      I try to be calm when dealing with her, but I freely admit I suck at calm, cool and collected. I’m great with little ones, but mouth off to me and I get my dander up.

  29. Dora says:

    National Emergency.

  30. Dora says:

    That’s Our President.

  31. helenk3 says:

    Lola and Miranda
    I am sorry that you are going through some tough times right now. All I can do is offer prayers for you both and be part of the wonderful sounding board here. Sometimes it helps to just vent and have people willing to listen and offer what help they can. this is a great place to do that.

    • Miranda says:

      I can’t feel a lot of sympathy. Maybe next time, they’ll go with experience instead of a fad.

  32. lyn says:

    The divine lives in everyone here. Summon your inner warrior and conquer whatever crosses your path in good faith. Feel the love of the universe for strength and forge ahead with the blessing that we fight to make our world a better place for those we love.

  33. Cisco says:

    Why in the hell are we sending them money at all.
    So they can dump illegal’s into America and pocket the rest?
    President Trump kicking ass.
    http://news.trust.org/item/20190330195340-c3vlh

    • DeniseVB says:

      The left is already piling on PDJT about closing the border and cutting off aid to some countries. We’ll lose billions in commerce ! Those poor people have no where else to go! Squeeeeeee! Orange Man Bad !!!!! They are so annoying. Also, stoning homosexuals to death in some countries is not getting the same boycott treatment as our beautiful state of Georgia, banning abortion after 6 weeks. Alyssa Milano and her Hollyweird 80 sure have their priorities screwed up.

  34. Dora says:

    AOC rallies against DCCC ‘blacklist’ that has left-wing Democrats in uproar

    Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., spoke out Saturday against a Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee plan to help incumbents fight off challengers in the Democratic primary.

    “The @DCCC’s new rule to blacklist+boycott anyone who does business w/ primary challengers is extremely divisive & harmful to the party,” Ocasio-Cortez said on Twitter. “My recommendation, if you’re a small-dollar donor: pause your donations to DCCC & give directly to swing candidates instead.”

    The fight over the new DCC policy is the latest example of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and the Democratic establishment struggling to get a handle on the members and demands of the young, progressive wing of her party. Other recent clashes have centered on the Green New Deal from Ocasio-Cortez and talk of impeaching President Trump.

    https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/aoc-rallies-against-dccc-blacklist-that-has-left-wing-democrats-in-uproar

  35. Myiq2xu™ says:

    I’m still alive. I wrote a more detailed comment but then somehow managed to close my browser before it posted.

  36. lyn says:

    Lola, I was thinking that there could be video games to help your daughter with PTSD. I found this article:

    View at Medium.com

    The Benefits Of Using Video Games As Therapy

    There are many benefits of using a video games as a delivery device:

    The experience delivered can be reproduced similarly on a large scale.
    The experience can be personalized. The game can be integrated to the individual and their specific level of need and improvement
    The experience can be completely targeted to the specific neural area.
    Games are also fun, unlike medication and therapy. Patients will be more likely to go through with the prescribed digital therapy.

  37. lyn says:

    Well, here’s a meme that came across my FB feed.

  38. lyn says:

  39. lyn says:

    Apparently Jewel writes songs for the cities where she performs. This my is my hometown.

    • lyn says:

      I hiked up to the M several times a week when I was in college. The campus is at the base of the hill. Jewell performed at the Wilma Theater in 2010. (Went to a Jean-Pierre Rampal performance there in 1980.)

  40. Dora says:

    A day that will go down in history. 🙂

  41. helenk3 says:

    ?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1112382910160613377&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fnalert.blogspot.com%2F

    ok now but not then

  42. Venus E. Lee says:

  43. DeniseVB says:

    New Thread Up.

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