Where I come from “hoedown” doesn’t mean your girlfriend has fallen and can’t get up

I received some really bad news today. My eldest GC is currently in a locked medical facility for observation. The primary reason is a behavior known as “cutting.” The term “oppositional defiant disorder” was also used. He is 13.

The boy is extremely bright, but he has been having emotional issues for a while now. Recently the situation has begun to deteriorate rapidly. It may have something to do with the onset of puberty. This is not something that can be resolved with a magic pill.

Thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

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The first time I heard this song I was a fan of the singer and I didn’t even know her name.  I called a friend who back then was the manager of a record store.  I started singing it to him over the phone and he told me the singers name was Melissa Etheridge.  I went right out and bought the album.

When I learned that she was a lesbian it put a different spin on the lyrics.  I don’t care for her political views but her music is great.

 

 

About Myiq2xu - BA, JD, FJB

I was born and raised in a different country - America. I don't know what this place is.
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45 Responses to Where I come from “hoedown” doesn’t mean your girlfriend has fallen and can’t get up

  1. votermom says:

    prayers for your GC, myiq
    one of KTYs school friends went through a cutting phase
    very distressing for the family and friends

  2. Anthony says:

    Sorry to hear that your GC is going through this. It’s not uncommon, and a good therapist will help. A lot. Prayers coming your way 🙏🙏🙏

  3. lateblum says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your GC. I hope he can get some respite from what he is experiencing while in the hospital. And then I pray that he will be connected with someone whom he trusts and who can help him. It’s such a heart breaking thing to see someone go through. Of course I’ll keep him and his family in my prayers.

  4. DeniseVB says:

    You’ve got my thoughts and prayers ❤ Young teens put themselves under a lot of pressure, I'm glad he's getting good help. Hell, at that age I was stealing my parents cigarettes and booze. 😉

    Millions of people sent Alex Trebek thoughts, prayers and positive vibes too. I guess when he was thanking the viewers for their support, NBC decided to edit out "prayers". How stupid.

  5. DandyTIger says:

    Thoughts and prayers for your GC and the whole family!

  6. blowme0bama says:

    Sorry about your younger.

  7. lyn says:

    Praying for his safety and eventual recovery. ❤

  8. gram krakka says:

    Thoughts & prayers for you, your GC & family. Hope he gets a through evaluation & followup care. Cutting seems like a cry for help.

    Is it possible he has ADHD or Aspergers/HFA?

    My GS was diagnosed with both plus anxiety & depression at age 9 after 6 years of struggling with socialization difficulties.

    The web sites ‘my aspergers child’ and ‘additude’ have been very helpful for us. Key insight is that the root cause of most misbehavior is anxiety. You have to figure out what is the child most anxious about & help them deal with it as best you & they can.

    My GS unwillingly attended a 2-week partial hospitalization behavior modification treatment program in 2016. It was a lockdown program mostly for kids coming out of full hospitalization or who had severe emotional problem behaviors. Lots of kids were ODD. Fortunately GS is not ODD, but if he was not accurately diagnosed & didn’t get behavior modification therapy he might have deveolped symptoms of ODD. He saw kids who really were out of control & did not want to be like that.
    Summer of 2017 had 7 weeks of ABA Applied Behavior Analysis therapy + 2 hrs after school for 6 weeks. ABA is gold standard therapy for HFA. This therapy turned his life around. We now know how to reduce/manage situations that trigger anxiety. He has an IEP at school that gets him accomodations that help him thrive. He is an honor student academically but will probably struggle socially all his life. He starts middle school this fall & we worry about how will he do having 7 different teachers & all the drama of MS.

    • Myiq2xu™ says:

      My grandson has two loving parents who are committed to his best interests. My son works in an administrative position with a community college and makes a buttload of money and also has excellent insurance. They will get him the help he needs.

      • Island Girl says:

        Sigh…..kids these days.
        Blessings

      • swanspirit says:

        That is really good news, because what you have described that he is dealing with is completely treatable, even with cutting, and having living caring parents is such a wonderful support.

        I worked with more oppositional defiant kids than I can count. I loved them, because once you get their attention, and they realize there are solutions to what they see as insurmountable obstacles and problems, they really get it, and come around. In art therapy, when asked to draw “the problem” so many of them drew mountains.

        One of my favorite questions, to ask them, was about learning. I asked them if they knew more now, than when they were, say seven or eight. And of course, they say yes, (because they are big kids now). So then I ask, if it isn’t possible, that there are solutions to their problems that they just haven’t had time to learn yet, and given time they could easily learn. Watching the light dawn, in their awareness, is a wonderful thing.

        My other favorite approach, is to ask them, “If you could snap your fingers, and make all your problems go away, would you still want to hurt yourself?” I never had one child say yes, they always say no. So then I say, well it seems to me, you don’t want to hurt yourself, what you really want, is to make all your problems go away. Why don’t we work on that?

        These conversations come after a lot of other work, establishing relationships, trust building, etc. But treatment is very effective, and the kids get healthy, learn a lot of good coping skills, and get on with their lives, and that is what I am wishing and praying for, for your grandchild.
        Hugs!

        • lateblum says:

          Swannie, I wish my dd had had a clinician like you in her life when she was younger. I think she’d have benefitted greatly. Ultimately, she was diagnosed with Aspergers/anxiety d’o and depression. She is better now, but this is 30 yrs of struggling later.
          Whoever had you as their clinician was blessed.

      • gram krakka says:

        That is good news. Evaluation & treatment can be very expensive. My GS typically easily surpasses the out-of-pocket maximum. His $30 a day copay for ABA therapy for 5 days a week for ~12 weeks was money well spent.

    • gram krakka says:

      Duh! thorough evaluation not through. Too bad my fingers don’t type what my brain is thinking.

      Anyway, getting a thorough evaluation isn’t easy. My GD is currently being reevaluated for Aspergers/HFA because the psychologist did not use the current best testing materials for HFA. Testing materials can be expensive & not every practioner has what an individual client may need.

      So many mental disorders have similar symptoms. Many people have additional comorbid disorders. Getting an accurate diagnosis can be a lengthy process. We have had to educate ourselves & advocate for accomodations in IEPs.

      Your GC will need family that is resolved to persevere & sacrifice some of their self-interests to help him now & for as long as needed. I pray that you all have the strength to navigate the difficult stormy journey you face.

  9. mcnorman says:

    Prayers for guidance and patience.

  10. Venus E. Lee says:

    Prayers for GC.

    In other news, this is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen:

  11. Myiq2xu™ says:

    My Old Friend had courtroom sex today. That’s where the judge and the other side’s attorney bend you over the table and fuck you right there in the courtroom in front of everybody. All the work I put in this past week was wasted because the judge wouldn’t even look at papers I prepared.

    This is why I never want to go back to practicing law. I suffer from white-knightism. I want to slay dragons and rescuer damsels in distress. I tend to get emotionally invested in cases and when I do and my clients lose I take it really hard.

    • DandyTIger says:

      That sucks. The legal system from the regular person level all the way up to the DOJ and SCOTUS seems like one big bag of shit.

      • Myiq2xu™ says:

        Different areas of law are almost like completely different occupations. Some lawyers rarely see the inside of a courtroom. PI is like a mill, and the secretaries do most of the work. Criminal is Atty v. Atty. A DDA and a public defender work the same calendars together, and if it is misdemeanor court they might work 100 cases in 2 hours. Arraignments are usually a formality, with both sides reciting their lines like a religious ceremony.

        I would be sitting in the jury box doing the crossword. As soon as the regular public defender uttered the word “conflict” I would set down the paper, get up and walk to the defense table, The PD would hand me the complaint and I would say:

        “Klown from Madera Alternate Defense for the defendant. Waive reading of the complaint and advisement of rights, enter a plea of not guilty, and time is not waived.”

        I would hand the defendant my card and tell him to come in on Wednesday afternoon to discuss the case. If he’s in-custody you gotta go see him. I only did felony cases. You never plead your client guilty of a felony at arraignment.

        • Myiq2xu™ says:

          One of my favorite wins was a domestic violence case:

          Defendant was a petite blonde lesbian. She was 23 but didn’t look a day over 14.
          Victim was a lesbian who looked like she worked as a bouncer in a biker bar. She looked like she was about 30.

          My plan for trial was to put my client’s hair in pigtails and dress her up like a schoolgirl. The jury would look at her and then at the scary looking victim and acquit in under 5 minutes.

          On the day of trial the DA asked me “Have you seen my victim?”
          “No, I haven’t seen her.”
          He looked around the courtroom and called her name but there was no response.
          “Okay, I guess we’re dismissing.”
          He didn’t ask me if I knew where she was. She was sitting in the county jail for writing hot checks. He could have had her brought over with one phone call.

          BTW: My client was guilty as sin.

    • 49erDweet says:

      So sorry to hear that. Double bad news today sucks!!!! Feel for ya, sir. Praying for your GC.

    • lyn says:

      That’s disgusting.

    • votermom says:

      Ugh so sorry to hear that, klown

  12. Myiq2xu™ says:

  13. Mothy67 says:

    When 13 Reasons Why came on netflix we had a town hall at the school. If you are not familiar it’s about a girl who commits suicide and leaves tapes to those who pushed her over the edge. It is rated tv MA but targets kids. The obvious choice was to cancel netflix and forbid her to see it. Kids all have smart phones. Blocking it not really an option. Had to watch it with her and talk about it.
    Anywho they talked about cutting as well. It has become very common. Some of it is trendy.
    Getting treatment at 13 can turn into a good thing. Imagine if you had a non family member that you could talk with weekly at that age. Everyone is fucked up. Kids bodies go through a revolution.
    Pup has been seeing a pro since she was 5. Never had a tangible reason. She was being raised by a gay man and her great grandparents. I wanted her to be able to vent. She makes really good decisions.
    Your grandson can get a fresh start. If your son can afford it I’d take a few therapists for a test drive. He is going to need to relate to his caregiver. This does not have to be a bad thing. Human beings suffer through their entire lives because we hide our vulnerabilities. Shame kills. He is 13. My God. Watch a few hours of tv for kids. Everything is highly sexualized. It’s over kill. If he is cutting and 13 there is a sexual component. Newsflash everything a boy goes through at that age has a sexual component. How can they deal when they are bombarded. Good God it was confusing enough back when we had two genders.
    NBC/Jeopardy might scoff, but I pray and will for your grandson. Prayer is therapy.
    Interesting tidbit. Years ago I read about a study in which they gave the Sunday New York Times to people in NYC and London. Differing times. When one group got the puzzle ahead of another and completed the second group finished much faster. When they were given it at the same time they completed with similar times. It was like one group made it apart of the common experience.
    I do wonder about prayer.

  14. Miranda says:

    I hope your gc gets the help he needs. Prayers.

    I’m not trying to make this about me, but I did some minor cutting in my teens and early 20’s. I didn’t get therapy, but I got better as I grew older, and my husband helped me a lot. I haven’t had the desire to cut in years. Your GC can get better too.

  15. Dora says:

    He is a man on the go.

  16. Dora says:

    Can he call this an endorsement? He better. It might be the only one he receives.

    ====

    GLORIA STEINEM SAYS NYC MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO IS ONLY MAN SHE’D VOTE FOR IN 2020
    https://www.newsweek.com/gloria-steinem-2020-vote-bill-de-blasio-1438867

  17. Dora says:

  18. Dora says:

    They really are nuts.

  19. Jadzia says:

    Myiq, we are going through the cutting thing with my teenage son too. Nobody will take it seriously!

  20. Mt.Laurel says:

    You and yours in thoughts and prayers.

    I will second the advice to meet with more than one therapist. It is a tough situation and the personalities need to mesh. I have also seen that one professional might get them over the first hurdles but a supplemental or alternative therapist might work best for the longer road that lies ahead.

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