Today isn’t too bad, but the weatherdude says that it will be hotter than fuck next week. That is an actual quote. He said, “It’s gonna be hotter than fuck next week” right before they fired him.
Now if you are stupid and/or gullible, you are probably a Democrat. You also believe in Global Warming or whatever they are calling it this week. Well, I’m what they call a “climate change denier.” That’s what they call me. I call myself “a believer in science but a skeptic of scientists.”
First of all, I need to clear something up. I DO believe in climate change. Climate has always changed. Once upon a time, this planet was mostly covered with ice. Actually more than once. Earth has been thru several “ice ages.” If you had been an E.T. about 15,000 years ago and you dropped by Earth in your flying saucer, you would have thought to yourself, “Winter is here.”
But then the Earth got hotter. It probably has something to do with that ball of nuclear fusion our whole world revolves around. The sun got hotter, the planet warmed up, the glaciers started to melt, and the population of homo sapiens exploded and spread to all the continents except Antarctica.
That’s right, humans thrived because of global warming.
Fast-forward 15,000 years to that period known as the “Late 20th Century” and we saw the beginning of a new religion/cult that claims to be based on “science.” I call it “The Cult of Global Warming.” It is a strange religion but like all religions, its gods must be appeased. Oddly enough, this cult does not worship the sun, which ultimately is the source of all global warming.
The cult’s beliefs are based on the idea that if their gods are not appeased they will set the world on fire. You might be surprised at some of the odd demands these gods have. Basically, they want all of the non-elites on Earth to return to the lifestyles that humans led during the last ice age. (Human elites can continue to engage in conspicuous consumption.)
The first High Priest of Global Warming was a man known as Algore (aka “Manbearpig”). Algore invented the internet and was Vice President under Monica’s boyfriend. Then he grew a beard and discovered an inconvenient truth – we’re all gonna die by 2010. In the olden days, doomsayers had to carry signs warning people that they were gonna die. Algore made a movie.
Algore invented the climate change hustle. No, that isn’t a dance. It is a scam designed to give con artists money and political power. It works like this:
1. Con artist/scientist predicts climate change at some point in the future unless
his demands are metchanges are made immediately.
2. Con Artist/Politician uses Con Artist/scientist’s predictions to gain political power.
3. When doomsday fails to materialize, repeat steps 1 & 2.
Will the planet burst into flame if we fail to heed the warnings? No. Not a chance. Will we all die from global warming? Probably not. Here’s the cold, hard truth:
Nobody knows what is going to happen in the future.
It could get warmer, or it could get cooler. Or it could stay the same. I think the most likely scenario is a mild, gradual increase in temperature.
You can’t sell any newspapers peddling a mild, gradual change in climate. You need to predict disaster to get people’s attention, and more importantly, their money. The idea of climate change as a clear and present danger to all mankind is useful for shutting down debate, too.
So what should we do about climate change? Nothing.
Let’s wait and see what happens, then do what our ancestors did when they experienced a massive increase in planetary temperatures: Adapt.
Under my plan, current spending on global warming will be zero. We won’t have to buy more expensive light bulbs that make it hard to read. We can keep using cheap fossil fuels instead of being forced to switch to more expensive, less efficient “green energy.”
I’ll start worrying about global warming when Algore and Hollywood celebrities start using public transportation.