Master of the House, Open Thready

Sounds like our creepy House Dems, amirite?

My lyrics didn’t show up, crap.

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191 Responses to Master of the House, Open Thready

  1. DeniseVB says:

    My band of soaks, my den of dissolutes
    My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts
    My sons of whores (no, no, no, no not tonight) spend their lives in my inn
    Homing pigeons homing in
    They fly through my doors
    And they crawl out on all fours

    Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
    And meet the best innkeeper in town
    As for the rest, all of ’em crooks:
    Rooking their guests and cooking the books
    Seldom do you see
    Honest men like me
    A gent of good intent
    Who’s content to be

    Master of the house, doling out the charm
    Ready with a handshake and an open palm
    Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
    Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
    Glad to do a friend a favor
    Doesn’t cost me to be nice
    But nothing gets you nothing
    Everything has got a little price!

    Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
    Ready to relieve ’em of a sou or two
    Watering the wine, making up the weight
    Pickin’ up their knick-knacks when they can’t see straight
    Everybody loves a landlord
    Everybody’s bosom friend
    I do whatever pleases
    Jesus! Won’t I bleed ’em in the end!

    Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
    Never was a passerby to pass him by
    Servant to the poor, butler to the great
    Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
    Everybody’s boon companion
    Everybody’s chaperone
    But lock up your valises
    Jesus! Won’t I skin you to the bone!

    Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
    Mix it in a mincer and pretend it’s beef
    Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
    Filling up the sausages with this and that
    Residents are more than welcome
    Bridal suite is occupied
    Reasonable charges
    Plus some little extras on the side!
    (Oh Santa!)

    Charge ’em for the lice, extra for the mice
    Two percent for looking in the mirror twice (Hand it over!)
    Here a little slice, there a little cut
    Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
    When it comes to fixing prices
    There are a lot of tricks I knows
    How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
    Jesus! It’s amazing how it grows!

    (Oh, sorry love
    Must get something done about that)
    I used to dream that I would meet a prince
    But God Almighty, have you seen what’s happened since?

    Master of the house? Isn’t worth my spit!
    Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit!
    Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
    Thinks he’s quite a lover but there’s not much there
    What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
    God knows how I’ve lasted living with this bastard in the house!

    Master of the house!
    Master and a half!
    Comforter, philosopher
    Don’t make me laugh!
    Servant to the poor, butler to the great
    Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

    Everybody bless the landlord!
    Everybody bless his spouse!

    Everybody raise a glass
    Raise it up the master’s arse
    Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!

    For non-commercial use only.
    Data From: LyricFind

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  2. lateblum says:

    Here is Nigel Farage addressing the EU as Britain prepares to leave on Jan 31.

  3. SHV says:

    “Yale Med School To Stop Teaching Medicine Discovered By White Males”

  4. helenk3 says:

    I was brought up in the “loose lips sink ships” era. I have no problem with this

  5. helenk3 says:

    just leaving this here

  6. lyn says:

    WP doesn’t like a Finn group.

  7. lyn says:

  8. lyn says:


  9. lyn says:

  10. Dora says:

    EU Vice President Orders British Flags Removed From Parliament After Rousing Farage Brexit Speech

    EU Vice-President Mairead McGuinness cut off Nigel Farage’s mic and ordered British flags to be removed from the European Parliament in a moment that was emblematic of why the UK voted to leave in the first place.

  11. helenk3 says:

    do i understand this correctly? you can commit all the corruption you want and if you run for president you can not get investigated? So do your thing and run every four years, you do not have to win , you just have to run. Good to know

  12. lyn says:

  13. Dora says:

  14. DeniseVB says:

    I lurve Juanita, such a badass !

  15. Mothy67 says:

    What is the “grossest” thing you have ever eaten?
    I have had sweetbreads. Some people think escargot is nasty. I say yummy.
    I am not allowed to cook mussels at home.
    I watched the PJW video no worse than that idiot show Fear Facter. Okay maybe dipping live mice in sauce is extreme.
    I cannot eat anything with a bone in it. Not a pork chop, chicken wings give me nightmares. Chewing meat off a tiny bone is not something I can handle. A whole fish – not a chance in hell, but mussels in white wine and garlic no problem if there is good bread.

    • John Denney says:

      As a kid I saw an action/adventure show on TV where the hero and a young boy were escaping on horseback, and after they were away the hero said they should eat, and produced two eggs from a vest pocket.
      The kid asked how they could cook them, and the hero said, “we don’t”. He demonstrated by tapping a little hole in each end of the egg, tipping it up to his mouth, and sucking out the contents. The kid followed suit.
      So, of course, I had to try it.
      Pretty bland.

    • swanspirit says:

      Do raw oysters count as gross? I love them. Or a soft shell crab, cooked of course not raw. And mussels are wonderful. In the summer, you can go live musselling at Assateague National Park. Wade in the water, pick them right off the banks on the bay side,of the park, take them home, clean them, and cook them. And eat them dunked in melted butter.
      But no escargot for me. No no no. And I can’t eat okra. It’s too slimy.

      • Mothy67 says:

        Raw oysters felt like phlegm when I tried them. No thanks. I could never pick mussels alive. I won’t eat venison. I just cannot. I like steak and bacon.

        • DeniseVB says:

          Raw clams too. Ewwww. As a kid I remember the raw clam bars on Sheepshead Bay, my parents would scarf them down with lemon juice and a dab of hot sauce. Made me try one, boy did that launch my gag reflex. Never again. Just thinking about it…….

          Also, those fish markets in Chinatown, when I found out the tanks of turtles weren’t being sold as “pets”.

          • lateblum says:

            One of the most horrific experiences I had was trying food in Chinatown, SF. My friend and I decided that we wouldn’t go to a “tourist-y” Chinese restaurant. So we followed a couple of Asian ppl to a restaurant off the main drag and watched what they ordered. We told the waiter we’d have the same thing. To this day, I don’t know what it was, but I’ve only one other time been as sickened by food as when we went there. It took years for me to eat Chinese food again. and it was from a “tourist-y” restaurant. 🤢🤮🤮

        • Somebody says:

          A grasshopper. One of my friend’s father was SF in Vietnam. When we were teens one summer he put us through “survival training” so to speak. He cooked up all sorts of delicacies🤢 over an open fire. Everybody had to try something, when it was my turn I got the grasshopper, kind of sweet, I didn’t puke but I also didn’t eat the whole thing. He cooked a snake too, I was the only one that refused to try it.

          If by chance I’m ever tracked by a bloodhound I have a slim chance of throwing it off my 👣 😂😂 I outsmarted the dog exactly once, nobody else did. I was pretty much a miserable failure at every other activity. I was also the only girl.

    • elliesmom says:

      My Japanese boss took me to a fancy Japanese restaurant in Cambridge. He ordered a lot of things for me to try, and I tried them all except the “dancing shrimp”. I’ll eat a lot of things raw, but I insist on “dead”.

  16. Angie says:

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  18. taw46 says:

  19. Mothy67 says:

    “When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.”
    — Jonathan Swift

  20. lateblum says:

    I hope this tweet shows up here the way it did on my app.

  21. taw46 says:

    I’ve watched some of the Q&A tonight.

  22. Mothy67 says:

    You know when you are getting old when you take a picture of directions for a rice dish and then blow it up on your phone rather than look for readers.

  23. taw46 says:

  24. taw46 says:

    • lyn says:

      Skewer these deranged and corrupt Democrats with an American flag pole.

    • DandyTIger says:

      Best part, if the nominee is Bernie, the various agencies will probably spy on him without the WH’s direction because it’s Bernie. 🙂

      • Constance says:

        They are probably already spying on Bernie and reporting to Soros or ValJar. I hope President Trump dismantles the spy agencies in his second term.

        • DeniseVB says:

          Even Hillary is on the Bernie pile on team. Told a Sundance (the film festival) audience that nobody likes Bernie. Is she trying to help Biden so he picks her for VP knowing he could die in office? LOL, I know how that girl’s mind works 😛

          • Mothy67 says:

            Dims are so dumb! They never had to let Bernie in. They did. Hillary was meant to wall away with the nomination. Bernie was a token challenge. A joke. Now he owns at least half the party.

          • Constance says:

            Dems need to let Berrnie be the nominee, get his ass kicked like their other Leftist nominees and then purge the Leftists from the party if they hope to win in 2024. Of course if they try to ram Biden down the throats of the party in 2020 the Left might leave on their own account.

    • 49erDweet says:


  25. lyn says:

  26. lyn says:

  27. Dora says:

    So now, if you don’t want to catch the virus, you are a racist. Give me a break!


    “Racist” Video Shows Commuters Covering Their Faces Near Chinese Woman

    Clip out of Paris stokes Twitter coronavirus controversy.

    • Mothy67 says:

      I was waiting for this.
      Chinatown is a very interesting place or at least it was. I have not been there in 25 years. It was so congested. Wall to wall people. Knock offs and food. I am shocked that NYC has not had a case. We have our Anthony there so let’s pray it stays the same.

  28. votermom says:

    President Donald Trump appointed a task force to coordinate the U.S. response to the coronavirus outbreak.

    The task force will be led by Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar, said White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham in a statement. Other figures include Robert Redfield, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as well as National Security Adviser Robert O’Brien.

    The White House also plans to send CDC experts to China to help respond to the outbreak.

  29. DeniseVB says:

    Nooooo !

    • DandyTIger says:

      That must have made Maggie dance with joy. “Racist”… yeah, right.

      • DeniseVB says:

        Katie does a funny impression of Princess Sparkle in whiny mode. Yeah, that’s it, “racist” 😉

        The comments are telling, PDJT probably retweeted her, and you know the rules, if the President retweets you REPORT THEM, because it sure isn’t hiding Trump, and they keep trying. Several have been put in Twitmo because of those attacks, I think Terrence Williams was one.

        I checked Katie’s account, it’s still up, just can’t read her tweets. Hoping this is temporary.

        • lateblum says:

          Yesterday (or the day before) one of the Hallmark movies had Princess Sparkle in it. I turned it on to see what she looked like in 2016 – I’d never seen her before her Royal escapade. In the movie she whined to another character in the movie, “But I don’t know which one I should choose”. I immediately yelled at the tv,”Pick the one with 5he crown and title!”

          • DeniseVB says:

            Sometimes I’ll catch a movie and recognize a couple of oldies but goodies. Like the one with Luke Perry and “Charlie Harper’s” old girlfriend, the actress who played “Mia”. A perfect Hallmark movie theme, rock star goes to guest ranch for some R&R, falls in love with the rancher’s daughter after they start out hating each other 😀

          • lateblum says:

            Typical Hallmark movie. Their themes are so cookie cutter. That’s why they’re so good to watch when it feels like nothing around us is predictable. 😉

          • DeniseVB says:

            I enjoy them for their happy endings 😀

          • lateblum says:

            For that and for “no one was harmed during the filming of this episode”. 😉

  30. Angie says:

    Finally someone said it plainly

  31. DeniseVB says:

    LOL, I remember this video of the punk picking on the big guy… got Carped 😀

  32. DeniseVB says:

    • Cisco says:

      Trump rally today in Des Moines Iowa.
      Damn right it’s a great day in TrumpMericia.
      While the Dem’s are still ‘effen around in the Senate yet another tortuous day, President Trump, that madman holds another rally.
      And this after signing the USMCA yesterday and held rally the day before.
      Trump just keeps kicking ass but is to busy TCB to take names.

  33. DeniseVB says:

    Troll Level : Master

  34. Mothy67 says:

    Who is your Trump “iNpeachment” crush?
    I am head over heels for Pat Cipollone. That brain is sexy!

    • Cisco says:

      Pam. “The Dish” Bondi.
      She went in there well prepared, showed the visual references, made her argument and got of stage.
      Bondi didn’t stand there and blather away endlessly.
      Took some lumps in her personal life, so what, who hasn’t

    • DandyTIger says:

      Philbin all the way

    • DeniseVB says:

      Jay Sekulow. I’ve had a crush on him since I saw him in person at a Clash of the Titans forum at RegentU. Funny, smart, adorkable 😀

    • lateblum says:

      I feel the same way about Jay Sekulow as Denise does. I’ve had a crush on him for years. But I have to admit, as much a# I want to love, love, love Jay, my head has been turned by Philbin. He has the sexiest voice and his mind is just as beautiful as his voice. I was also immediately attracted to Cipollone. Honestly! What a team!

      • Mothy67 says:

        Rather funny that many of us over 40 admit to be turned on by attorneys at an impeachment hearing. Wonder if that happened with Nixon or Clinton.

  35. Mothy67 says:

    Some tools still don’t know this is parody account

    • DeniseVB says:

      Yep, pretty much how the Twitter Dirtball Team works. If Trump retweets you, you get mob reported and get disappeared for awhile. that’ll teach ya ! Just happened to Katie Hopkins.

  36. DeniseVB says:

    I’m sure James Corden is a lefty (aren’t they all on Late Night shows?), but he always amuses me. This is stupid funny 😀

  37. lyn says:

  38. DeniseVB says:

    DonJr gives Uncle Joe a whippin’.

  39. Dora says:

  40. DeniseVB says:

  41. Dora says:

  42. lyn says:

  43. DeniseVB says:

    My people 🙂 And Fireball shots 😀

  44. Dora says:

    Fear in the Age of Coronavirus: Chinese No Longer Welcome

    Airlines halt flights from China. Schools in Europe uninvite exchange students. Restaurants in South Korea turn away Chinese customers.

  45. DeniseVB says:

    Now, this is street theater and funny like it should be 🙂

  46. helenk3 says:

    what does this stuff do to your insides???

  47. helenk3 says:

    random thought
    Remember the movie the Wizard of Oz? No one can see the wizard behind the curtain. It is forbidden. Seems like the whistleblower is the wizard of oz. Started the mess and no one can see him

  48. DeniseVB says:

    For TBBT fans. Final table reading ….

    • DeniseVB says:

      It’s emotional, but I think that was more about them missing those future million dollar paychecks 🙂 Though, they should have been set for life with syndication deals. Also, acting, they knew the cameras were on them….. 😛

  49. Cisco says:

    Bolton, imo, on verge of becoming a non-witness and the Senate, again imo, about perhaps by Friday an end to this attempted coup by the Dem’s in President Trump’s favor what do the Dem’s pull out of their bag of dirty tricks?
    A woman claims she was raped by Trump in 1990 and is now demanding a DNA sample from Trump because, ala’ Lewinsky she kept the dress she was wearing during the alleged incident and wants to have a comparison made.


  50. Cisco says:

    Bolton, imo, on verge of becoming a non-witness and the Senate, again imo, about perhaps by Friday an end to this attempted coup by the Dem’s in President Trump’s favor what do the Dem’s pull out of their bag of dirty tricks?
    A woman claims she was raped by Trump in 1990 and is now demanding a DNA sample from Trump because, ala’ Lewinsky she kept the dress she was wearing during the alleged incident and wants to have a comparison made.


  51. votermom says:

    The United States confirmed a sixth U.S. case of the Wuhan coronavirus Thursday, marking the first time the virus has spread from person to person in the United States.

  52. Dora says:

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