THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
Okay, it really is a joke but it wasn’t meant to be.
In casting his singular vote to impeach and remove Donald Trump from office, Mitt Romney made history. Now it’s time for him to take a step further. For the good of the country, Senator Romney should run for president as an independent.
With the democratic-socialist Bernie Sanders now the Democratic frontrunner and the political arsonist Donald Trump as the Republican incumbent, there is a yawning chasm that has never before existed in American politics. By retreating to their poles, our two major parties have left tens of millions of independents and moderate Democrats and Republicans unrepresented.
Senator Romney’s entrance into the presidential race wouldn’t just give the vital center of the electorate a home—it would stand a chance to break a system that is stacked against independents and third party candidates. The last major third-party run was in 1992, when Ross Perot won 19 percent of the vote—and he accomplished this while running against two party centrists, in Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush. Against two polarizing fringe candidates with no claim to the middle of American politics, we have no idea what Romney’s ceiling might be. And as Emmanuel Macron showed in France, standing up a new party and winning a presidential election in one motion is not impossible.
In America the odds are extraordinarily long for any independent candidate. That is largely a problem of access and funding, which both the Democrat and Republican parties have been unified in blocking. But even if Romney didn’t win, his candidacy could bring enough public pressure to force the parties to give up their duopoly as citizens realize that until the possibility for a viable third party exists, we’re going to keep being forced to choose between unpopular candidates beholden to their party’s extremes.
Milquetoast Mittens and Mini-Mike. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
As the Republican party’s nominee for president in 2012, Romney’s name recognition is already high. He has the credibility and trust of moderate Republicans who see him as a sane alternative to the insanity of the president’s Twitter storm and Bernie’s socialist utopia. He could easily cross the 15 percent polling threshold.
And given Romney’s strong private sector background, he has access to ample funds to seed a nascent campaign operation off the ground before building momentum that would bring in outside donors: traditionally conservative organizations that find Trump erratic and pro-business Democrats who are fearful of Sanders’ espoused socialism.
But the biggest opportunity comes with the other half of the ticket: Because Romney would have the chance to select Michael Bloomberg as his vice president.
Oh yeah, sure. Mini-Mike wouldn’t mind dropping a billion dollars of his own money to get a job that John Nance Garner described as being “not worth a bucket of warm piss.”
The thing that gets me isn’t the profound stupidity emanating from the NeverTrump Rump like noxious flatulence. It’s the fact that they get paid a lot of money to squeeze out this pungent by-product of the dairy industry.
Lately, I feel like I am trapped in a bad acid-flashback, except I have never taken LSD.