I’ll never forget where I was that day when I heard the news. I was sitting right where I’m sitting right now, doing pretty much the same thing I was doing then. Then my phone rang.
“Dude! Hillary is dead, man,” my buddy Ray-Ray said. “I just saw them loading her body into a coroner’s van. She was as lifeless as a sack of potatoes.”
As we all know now, Hillary wasn’t dead. She is undead. Apparently, someone forgot to pack a lunch for her and she was getting weak from hunger. Luckily, Chelsea always keeps a few small immigrant kids on hand in case her mother needs to feed. As soon as Hillary was able to chug down the life forces of the kids she was back to her normal self. (It only looked like she was drinking their blood.)
Never forget this important fact: The Democrat party has worse candidates than Hillary Clinton.