Mom Died On Friday

Mom 1934-2021

Like the headstone epitaph said, “I expected this, but not so soon.

The decades-long process of physical and mental deterioration we call “aging” ended for Mom on Friday at approximately 12:30 pm. She passed peacefully in her sleep at home. My oldest son and I were with her. A local hospice made the last few weeks before the end easier for Mom and myself.

The woman who gave me life and raised me has been gone for a long time. The person who passed on last Friday was but a pale shadow of her. There will be no viewing. Mom would not want people to see her the way she looked at the end. Let them remember her as they last saw her. She was about 84 or 85 years old in the picture above.

I thought we had a few months left but the past couple of weeks her decline began to accelerate. Last Wednesday she stopped eating and drinking.

There will be a memorial service but no graveside ceremony. We are having her remains cremated. I plan to drive up to Yosemite and spread her ashes in the pool at the base of Yosemite Falls. That is where the Merced River begins. Her remains will eventually come home.

I had so many people offering me support on Friday I almost lost it. I nearly replied to the inquiry, “Is there anything I can do for you?” with “Yes, please LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” I did not want or need company. I needed solitude. I stayed home with the cats all weekend.

Thank you all in advance for your kind words and condolences. I will be busy this week, taking care of the things that must be done. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay. Stoicism is a family trait.

My sister says that Mom is in the arms of Jesus now. I don’t think so. I figure Mom’s ghost will hang around and haunt me for a while. I’ll wake up one night to find Mom hovering over my bed. “Where did you put the newspaper? I haven’t done the crossword yet!

About Myiq2xu - BA, JD, FJB

I was born and raised in a different country - America. I don't know what this place is.
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37 Responses to Mom Died On Friday

  1. jadzia1971 says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, long ago, of the mom who raised you and made you who you are. Based on what we all can see about how very much you have done for her these past few years, she did a damn good job. Now, be good to yourself. She is finally free.

  2. Miranda says:

    You were a good and loving son and an honor to your mother. I understand about wanting to be alone at this time. Do what you need for yourself.

  3. Dora says:

    I am so sorry. I will keep your entire family in my prayers.

    May Your Mom RIP.

  4. Woke Lola says:

    Words can’t really express what any of this means anyway. I know you loved her and she loved you. I hope you find peace in all this.

  5. Somebody says:

    Klown I am so sorry for your loss. You took such good care of your mother. I’m certain it meant the world to her and made her love you even more if that is possible. Your idea about Yosemite is beautiful, your mom would approve.

    Please be kind to yourself. Grief is a process. We’re here if/when you need a shoulder to lean on.

  6. votermom says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    You are wise to try to remember her as she was before the disease ravaged her mind. May she rest in peace.
    You have my prayers.

  7. elliesmom says:

    I’m not going to say I’m sorry for your loss because there comes a time when we need to let go with love. Let the laughter come through your tears. I’m sure your mom has given you lots of things to smile about. That’s what it means for memories to be a blessing. You probably know it’s illegal to put ashes in the water at Yosemite. Might I suggest you put Mom in a Tupperware container inside a picnic basket. Then wait for a private moment. My mother-in-law did her research. There’s a permit process, but if you aren’t going to take a crowd with you, you can probably skip it. The permit is free, but it’s loaded with dos and don’ts. My MIL is at one of the “don’ts” at Acadia. Elliesdad was livid because she had asked me to break the law. She was right not to ask him. Somehow, I think you’ll do what you want to do, too. ❀

    • Myiq2xu says:

      I just want to avoid a Big Lebowski moment when I open the container. Once the ashes are in the water it cannot be undone. Besides, it’s a long river and there are many spots where I could do the deed.

  8. driguana says:

    Blessings…seems like we all knew her petty well…let there be light.

  9. swanspirit says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, now that you have taken such loving care of your mother. Your plans sound so reverent,and caring. Big huge hugs. β€πŸ™

  10. DeniseVB says:

    R.I.P. Momma Klown

  11. Mothy67 says:

    Klown sorry for your loss.

  12. jeffhas says:

    The picture is wonderful, it gives me a shell to attach all the great stories you shared over the years. Thanks for the memories.

  13. Anthony says:

    She couldn’t have had a more fierce and outstanding caretaker than you, Klown. After all the arrangements have been completed, give yourself time to decompress, to exhale. Let your life re-emerge slowly, and see who you’ve become while you were being the perfect son. Xoxo (no homo 😘)

  14. lateblum says:

    I am so sorry that your mother passed away this last weekend.. Being with her at the end was the ultimate act of love. How blessed you both were to share that love. She felt that love from you all along. You took such good care of your mom. She was blessed to have you.
    May her memory be a blessing.

    We were fortunate that you allowed us to be a very small part of your life with Mom. And glad you didn’t have to go through this alone. Thank you for sharing the photo of her. πŸ’”

  15. Helen Kenney says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. She will always be with you in your heart and memory. You were a good son to her and I am sure she knew how much you loved her. Try to always remember the good times with her and sometimes even smile and laugh. that is what she would want for you. Her picture shows a beautiful lady. May she RIP

  16. foxyladi14 says:

    Sending Prayers for you and Mom Klown, And lots of hugs. β€πŸ™

  17. Locked-N-Loaded says:

    May your Mom rest in peace. Sending prayers to you and your family. Please take care of yourself in this time of grief.

  18. Mt.Laurel says:

    What a wonderful picture of your mom. You were in my thoughts last night as I was looking at pics and videos I took of Mama Mt Laurel before she went over the river and through the woods of dementia. given your recent comments I suspected Mama klown might be nearing her last her departure time. I am a firm believer in the essence of those we love staying with us even after they have moved beyond their earth bound existence. May you find peace in the good memories. πŸ’“

  19. 49erDweet says:

    That last trip up 140 then down the Merced is perfect!! May she rest in peace! Best wishes.

  20. Cisco says:


  21. Constance says:

    I’m sorry Miq. It is so hard saying goodbye to your Mom. My heart goes out to you and I know that soon memories of her will bring you peace.

  22. DandyTIger says:

    So sorry to hear. RIP to your mom. Hope you and the family are doing OK.

  23. Island Girl says:

    RIP Mrs. Klown
    great post

  24. John Denney says:

    May you rest well as she rests in peace.

  25. mcnorman says:

    She felt your love everyday. Thank you for taking such wonderful care of her and giving her the dignified life she deserved.

  26. cynic says:

    Thank you for posting her picture. Having followed you since ’08, I felt like I knew her.

    Having lost a mother and mother-in-law to Alzheimers, I know what it takes to care for them. You were a great son, and we were there for them to the very end.

    Prayers to you and your family.

  27. dm says:

    I always loved the stories you shared of your mom. She was a feisty lady. Thank you for allowing us to get to know her. God bless you. I know you will miss her.

  28. Underwhelmed says:

    Thinking of you and your family, Klown. The road you and your mother travelled has been amazing, and your care for her through dark times has been humbling. Bless you and may the best memories rise to make you laugh and remember without pain.

  29. taw46 says:

    It is so hard to lose a loved one, especially your Mother. Sending warm thoughts to you and your family. I also took care of my mother through her Alzheimer’s, so I know what it is like to lose them long before their physical death. As sad as this time is, it is also a relief to see Mom free now. You were a good son, and you will be glad that you took care of her, even though it was difficult. Mourn Mom, give her a great send off, then take some time for yourself. (And oh, you are right, your Mom may hang around for a few weeks, not wanting to leave you. My mother did make one visit to me a few weeks after she died. Scared the hell out of me!)

  30. Ann says:

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  31. Angie says:

    My deepest condolences.
    May God give your mother rest among His saints and may her memory be eternal. ❀

  32. votermom says:

    something to listen to

  33. lyn5 says:

    My deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. ❀ She was a cutie.

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