Tuesday, October 4, 2022

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61 Responses to Tuesday, October 4, 2022

  1. lateblum says:

    What a glorious fall flower arrangement. The colors here have not yet begun to change, but our weather has. It’s been a wonderful shift from the heat and humidity of the summer.

    • DeniseVB says:

      The colors won’t change til November here, I just love the colors of October, so it must be fall somewhere, lol !

      • elliesmom says:

        They haven’t really started to change much here. I have one small tree that from the shape and alignment of its leaves I would put somewhere in the rose family. For a short time in late summer it has a pale lavender flower with a red center. Very shortly after it drops its blooms, the leaves turn bright red. That one is red this morning. But none of the maples, oaks, chestnuts, birch, or elms have begun changing color. It’s the variety of trees that makes New England so beautiful, but a “good fall” requires they all turn at the same time. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.

  2. Somebody says:

    Helen if you can read this, hope you are holding up. FPL made progress yesterday, I’ve seen conflicting reports that 53% or 59% of power has been restored. They are on track to meet their target to get all power restored by the weekend, actually a little ahead of schedule.

    If you need food or assistance you can call red cross at 1-800-733-2767 or text the county at 888-777, emergency numbers and operations are up too. Food and water distribution near you is at Charlotte Sports Park, 2300 El Jobean Rd., Port Charlotte, also Muscle Car Museum 10175 Tamiami Trail in Punta Gorda.

    Power is restored to all medical facilities and most retail businesses, such as grocery, convenience stores, gas stations, pharmacies, many restaurants. So if a kindly neighbor would give you a ride you can resupply. Samaritans purse is in your area as well as red cross, salvation army, all hand and hearts, southern Baptist, a couple of others, as well as FEMA, state and local officials.

    Clean up will take time as will normalcy. If you want out of the area to wait out clean up, my offer still stands. I have a guest room with private bathroom, I’ll drive down and pick you up. Just reach out if you can. We’re all thinking of you.

  3. taw46 says:

    • Mothy67 says:

      I love the “we got children out here”

    • lyn5 says:

      Valerie🍊1776 @Nursetek72

      My entire Dem family and all my friends in liberal CT won’t be “changing their party affiliation” but will ALL vote Republican in Nov! This country has had enough!!

  4. elliesmom says:

    I’ve heard from all of my Florida and South Carolina friends, both the in real life ones and the online ones except Helen. One of my college buddies who recently moved from Connecticut says she will never c’omplain about snowstorms again, Her kids are on the way south to help her get started on the cleanup.

    It’s another cold, gray day here. My groceries just arrived. I haven’t felt much like cooking the last few days. Odd, but it does happen. I’m thinking about spending the day in the kitchen. Make myself a stack of “takeout” and fill up the freezer. Cut and chop once. I’m not really in the mood, but I’m not in the mood to do anything else, either. I’ve been mostly eating a quiche I made a few days ago. There’s only one slice left. I made the second crust into a dark cherry tart. I should have made a second quiche instead. There’s a lot of tart left, but it’s not “dinner”. At least not yet. 🙂

  5. elliesmom says:

    Since moving to RI I request a mail-in ballot. I request the ballot online. The state sends me a form in the mail. I send that back to my town clerk, and then my town sends me the ballot near the end of October. If in the days close to the election I know I will be able to vote in person, I just don’t send the ballot in the mail. The Friday before the election gives me enough time to check to see if my mail-in ballot has been received if I decide to use it. My town is small enough a ballot mailed on Friday is received on Saturday and recorded as received on Monday morning. The post office and the town hall share a parking lot.

    Once I send the form the state sends me that requests the mail in ballot to the town clerk, all of the rest of the process is between the local town clerk and me. While I believe mail in voting is a probable source for easy cheating, I have as much faith in my vote being recorded fairly under this system in this town as I do if I go vote in person. Voting in person, for me, is only political statement about how I feel about mail in voting in general. Because I have little faith my vote will change the outcome of any of the races in this state, a nasty weather day or just not feeling great would be enough for me to just skip the election.

    But now I’m hearing Allan Fung, the former mayor of Cranston and a Republican, has a viable chance of unseating the congressman who currently represents the western half of RI. James Langevin is wheelchair bound, and that has made criticizing him a minefield. But Fung left office as mayor with an 82% approval, and his wife successfully unseated the Speaker of the Rhode Island House last election. A Republican congressman in DC is still unlikely, but not impossible. 🙂

    • lateblum says:

      I doubt my vote ever means anything here in DNC-ville. Not before when I voted D, and not since I started voting anti-D. What I don’t understand is the people who happily vote D here in IL. Our gas prices have risen more than 40 cents in the past 12 days. And the taxes on gas will double after the November election. And then will rise again on Jan 1st. All to support the unions and the govt pensions.
      But just in case my vote *does count, I’ll vote in person just to make certain no one votes “for” me.

  6. lyn5 says:

  7. lyn5 says:

    • swanspirit says:

      We live in the Banana Republic of the USA, where corrupt officials just ignore the laws, and persecute and prosecute their political opponents, as enemies.

  8. lyn5 says:

  9. Mothy67 says:

    I am trying to be rational and not emotional.
    Shay may go live with her mom, three siblings, and step father.
    My sister, her grandmother, and my niece took her and got her a tattoo memorializing her dead dad. Brat had asked for one prior to father riding a motorcycle high without a helmet. I said no you are not staining your body for life. My sister told me I was not her father and took her to get one. Shay hid it.
    Of course my sister blames me and my parents for her son’s premature death. He was squatting, never kept a job, got arrested and went to jail many times, knocked out his girlfriend’s front teeth ( she gives blowies downtown for heroin)
    No one stepped up 16 years ago when a baby was neglected. I did by default. Was never my intent. A tiny thing no one paid attention to. My sister moved away and said she raised her kids now was HER time. We fought long and hard to protect the imp. Tens of thousands in lawyers. Not every throw away kid meets with state senators to discuss girls in stem. She has gone to Carnegie Mellon to speak as a representative. Right now her lowest grade is an 89.5 in Calculus.
    My sister is poison. I was unhappy about tattoo but my mother lost it. They screamed and fought. Got ugly. My sister had no legal right. My mom has custody. Sister has literally told my brat it is our fault her father died riding a motorcycle high as a kite without a helmet.
    If she goes to live with her mother I will work with her mom but kid is a mature 16 and I am not playing.

    • Somebody says:

      I think if Shay wants to go live with her mom it is most likely because she has some kind of fantasy about how life would be. I also think she wants the acceptance that her mother really does love her. Being abandoned is a hard pill to swallow, no matter how much you are loved or how much better your life may be. Deep down the child takes it personally, feeling there is something wrong with them or that they aren’t worthy of love. I’m sure you’ll tell me she was too young to remember, she may not all the particulars but she knows. I’ve been through all the realizations, doubts and questions with my grandkids.

      You would know better than I what the stronger motivation is. Does she harbor a fantasy about who or what her mother is? My oldest grandbaby has a fantasy image of her mom that soooo far from any resemblance. Is it wanting to prove to herself that she’s worthy of love? Could the root of this have to do with her boyfriend and some doubts? Could it be deeper self doubts? Shay’s in the oh shit age range, you know oh shit I have to grow up, oh shit I have no idea what I want to do. Could be moving to mom is partially an avoidance tactic for boyfriend, for her future, for growing up in general.

      There needs to be serious conversation. She’s in high school, sports, how will moving impact all of that? I definitely would not suggest moving in the middle of a school year if at all possible. What of her boyfriend? Her friends? There are legal issues because her mother doesn’t legally have custody.

      Definitely should be some heart to heart conversations beginning with the practical issues including what room is there for her at her mom’s? Once practical issues are on the table and hashed out, then try to find out if there are deeper issues.

      Perhaps a compromise might be some weekend visits and a more extended visit during school vacation.

      Moving during high school isn’t impossible, but most kids never quite find their stride or get their feet under themselves very solid. They sort of drift. It’s easier if you go from a large to a small school, the reverse is much more difficult, much easier to get lost in the mix, fall through the cracks.

      You have every right to be pissed at your sister over the tattoo. In the grand scheme of things, if that’s the worst thing Shay does fall on your knees and give thanks. It’s sometimes hard to see the big picture from your vantage point. I myself am guilty of that, complaining because my kids turned down scholarships, my two daughters walked away from multiple full ride or near full rides. All my kids wanted to stay home and not go off to school. I complain my two daughters took forever to start driving or how messy my kids are or their sometimes smart mouths.

      Then I run into someone I haven’t seen who has kids the same age. I ask how is X? Sometimes I get shocking answers like “Oh, he just got out of rehab. This is the 3rd time hopefully the 3rd time is the charm”, “Oh honey didn’t you hear X killed himself last year”, or “Well she hasn’t tried suicide in 6 months, she likes her therapist, we’re hopeful taking things one day at a time”. Clearly that’s not always the case, but it sure offers perspective.

      So I understand you don’t like the tattoo, especially your sister’s part in it, but perspective.

      • Mothy67 says:

        I don’t think she will move. I think she is afraid. Call me nuts but I never meant to cherish a brat. She was pure accident. When I had her as a dumpling we were together all day I realize this sounds insane but as a tadpole in my arms I felt I could almost taste it the day before she got a cold. I felt it looking in her eyes.
        She is soooo angry with my mom ostensibly over a tattoo. Of course my mother over reacted and then did Shay. I am unhappy but I am able to step back and say my sister did this. My mom reacts Shay responds. My mom is tired of living. Not depression. She lost her husband of 50 plus years and has never regrouped. My mom got prego at 14 and was with my dad until his death. I know my little brat loves my mom but is afraid. I get how a less than one inch tattoo was a rebellion of sorts.

        Eternally grateful for this place for being allowed to speak this. I love my monster and want to err on the side of caution

    • Constance says:

      I’m wondering how old are the siblings? Because her mother and the boyfriend may want her as a babysitter. With that many kids in the house she won’t have space that’s her own. I’d let her go but let her know you miss her and she’s sure a big part of your family.

  10. lyn5 says:

  11. Mothy67 says:

    My mom has gotten old very fast. She is only 19 years older than me, but I see the decline. From were I stand Shay sees it too. I think she is fighting with my mom because she fears losing her too. Easier to hate someone than fear missing them. My mom can seriously be one nasty bitch. I stayed around Pittsburgh because as much as I love/d my parents an inappropriate emotional response was kinda their thing. I made many a visit to ER with bones torn asunder. Nothing was as fun as my mother finding a book dog eared to a page that had a very tepid gay scene. The names she called me and her hands bled from hitting me. I didn’t even have a bed. It was a rollaway in the attic with two old couch cushions. My mom never changed my sheets. When I told my parents I was gay my mom cried saying what if the people I work with find out!?!? Mid 80’s AIDS was taking people out left and right.
    I have never hated my parents. We didn’t speak for almost 20 years, but I never hated them. I love my mom and dad. They were emotional children raising 5 kids. I gain nothing by living a life of resentment. I have gone to detox and tried therapy. I don’t want to live in 1982. My parents changed. I changed. Mom has a crush on Richard Grenell. I had reread The Fountainhead and left the book on a table. My dad read it then read everything by Ayn Rand. He had never had the opportunity to explore books. High school education discovering Dostoyevsky from his gay son. He had six kids (one died) one born a defect (moi) where did I go from there. Hate my parents because me being gay scared them. Yes it led to violence. That was never all they were. I got so much from them. I choose to look at my history and move forward. I got so much why only linger on the pain. Tenth grade we were so broke we moved into a house behind my great grandfathers. Food was often an issue. We had no phone. I felt shame. Indoor plumbing was part year Same time we never got free school lunches. My dad worked full time during the day and then managed a drive-in at night to dig us out of debt caused by an accident on a freeway. I worked concessions and then climbed up on top to watch films come alive. I want to remember the good without forgetting the bad. I see the left as opportunists creating artificial dependency by harping on our countries past flaws. Acknowle but move on. Look at urban youth being fueled by elitist anger. So sad. My proggie friends pay no cost when a disaffected youth accelerates. It always increases. Five finger discount today at Rite Aid tomorrow a car jacking.
    That being said when shaypup was a wee thing I was never ever never going to leave her with my parents. Ugh I am sadly thinking of Singing if a body catches a body coming through the rye. Shay is my Phoebe to an extent.
    I have to let Shay know I Believe in her. I welcome any suggestions

    • swanspirit says:

      If you can, prevent her going, do it. What children want, isn’t always good for them.
      My youngest at one point in his teens, wanted to go live with his father. At the time, I thought my child deserved to have a chance to know his father. It did not work out well, and five months later he was back, but I am sorry I allowed it. I should have just said a weekend, or a week or two.

      Start with maybe a weekend. Get someone outside the family to weigh in, perhaps a teacher, or a coach or counselor.
      It’s terrible that your family is making you out to be the bad guy. That’s called parental alienation, and it has devastating effects on children, splitting them from one of their parents. If you can address that early, and point out how unfair it is, that might help.

  12. elliesmom says:

    I agree with you on everything except not moving in the middle of the school year. Most kids do better with a midyear move, especially if it happens at the semester break. The teachers already know the rest of the kids, and they can take more time to help a new kid adjust. The other kids notice there’s a new face, and the nicer ones reach out. When kids start in a new school on the first day, they walk into a situation where the other kids already know the school’s routine, and the assumption may be made she does, too. because in most schools on the first day all of the kids are “new” to their teachers. The kids are busy establishing old relationships, and it might take awhile for anyone to try to include the new kid. It was a hard sell to get my daughter to start my grandson after Christmas vacation. She wanted to wait until school got out to move, but she took him to “meet the school” in early December, and he changed her mind.

    I like the idea of starting out by spending weekends with Mom for a bit to see how it works out. That would be an easier “walk back” if she changes her mind. Is the problem with the tattoo that she has one or what it’s of?

    • Somebody says:

      Probably depends on the school. Our schools here have a process where they buddy up the new student with a buddy student. The guidance counselors check in with the teachers, student and parents the first couple of weeks.

      Down in JAX, no process, catch is as catch can. JAX is a military town, lots of kids moving in and moving out, you’d think they’d be pros. You’d think someone might have mentioned the lack of a process, oh wait, it has been pointed out. I’ve seen kids arrive, walk into their first class and be given a test with the other students no matter where they came from or what they were learning there.

      So I think your mileage may vary depending on the school and the teaching staff.

      Parental alienation? I didn’t know there was a name for that Swannie, I just know I experienced it when my parents divorced. I was an adult (barely), but my brother was only 12. It was so rough on my brother, OMG! The stories I could tell. My mom was still trying to alienate my father a decade after he passed away🙄 Right up until she went rapidly downhill with dementia, now she keeps waiting for him to come to dinner.

      When baby mama left, I told my son no matter how hurt, how angry, how upset you are, don’t trash talk the girls mother to them. Go outside and cuss at the trees, but for better or for worse she is their mother and they love her. When they’re older they’ll come to their own conclusions. Don’t be like Nana. No matter what he nor I, nor any of us have ever said a bad word about baby mama. There have been a few times my heart broke for them and I consoled them and wiped their tears of hurt, anger or disappointment, but I’ve never said a bad word about her to them. I have a heavy boxing bag in my garage that gets my ire in those situations🤣

      • swanspirit says:

        Unfortunately, parental alienation is a recent term for a well known toxic process that happens far too often in families that separate, and sometimes even families that stay together. There are degrees.
        The dynamic is blaming one parent for anything and everything that can be viewed as “wrong” . Divorced parents actively denigrate one parent, and work to separate the child from the other parent, emotionally, and physically, in cases where there is no danger to the child’s wellbeing from the other patent.

        I can sit here , and type all this out clinically, but my own experience with this, with my ex and his family membets, has been a lifelong trial, and heart wrenching difficulty, and a very long story, which is sometimes too hard to tell.

        My oldest son is estranged, but I never have and never will give up on restoring our relationship, and I have loving and happy relationships with my daughter, and my youngest son, for which I am deeply grateful.

        • lateblum says:

          I am so sorry, swannie. Sadly, I know this story firsthand. And although dd#1 and I had been on pretty solid ground until recently, the therapist she looked for to deal with some issues that had arisen at work, decided that all those issues stemmed from our “toxic” relationship.

          I also know that I cannot write about any of it without becoming so emotional that my own day is destroyed. I am fortunate, though. Despite the divorce, and the too early demise of my ex-husband, his family never took sides, nor do they support any effort to blame either one of us for it.

          So as of now, through the efforts of her therapist, dd#1 and I have a very limited relationship. My daughter has said that since she doesn’t know how to set limits, she will have next to no contact with me. I heard from her last week for the first time since mid-August. She and I used to talk weekly – at the very least – since she moved to Seattle.

          I’m hoping that she will realize that the therapist is the one with the parent/child relationship issues. But even if she doesn’t, I hope she will be able to trust herself and me enough to resume the healthy relationship we once had. I hope the same for you.

          *this is now the fourth or fifth time I have tried to respond to Mothy and Somebody and em and now you. Each time the response is shorter. Each time the pain it triggers makes me stop and delete the paragraphs and walk away.

  13. Mothy67 says:

    She wanted a tattoo before her dad died. She was not yet 16. I, as I have said prior, I
    have lots of scars. My throat from trach, my chest from the saw that bisected me, the inside of my arms, my groin, my ankles. I was 3.5 when my body was treated. I hope I continue to learn from you and others here. You wrote that your son will show his scars at times from illness. I applaud. I was 3.5 in 1970 and had almost no chance of living. Parents were allowed 15 minutes on the hour. I was not meant to live. My aorta was abnormally to far to the right, my left ventricle leaked, valves were replaced by pig ( i am the oldest person with pig valves living) I had two holes in my heart- one the size of a quarter and the other a dime. There were other flaws but I had an extreme case of tetrology of fallot not discovered until I was going on four. Most kids with uncorrected fallot suffer from retardation. I am an idiot but I could read at 3.5. I spent a lot of time in Children’s and years a decade of eternal tests. Transplant was a consideration. Age 12 or 13 I went in they did a catherization and then insisted on another. I was kinda like my Shay now. I was angry. I had to submit to another time of laying naked in front of med students as I endured a catherization.
    Oops second catherization revealed I had spontaneous recovery. Lucky me my dad was studying to be a deacon. Oh yeah they took me to charismatic catholic meetings were freaks spoke in tongues and put their hands all over me. I was taken to Saint Ann’s in Canada and submerged. I now hate being touched.
    I had my surgery in 1970 and according to my russian anesthesiologist I have a record for the world’s longest pig valves. I got mine in 1970. They are to be replaced every 12 year at best. Mine are 52 and I love bacon.
    Excepting Shayla given a choice with my life I would opt for being let die at three. Did I do anything to deserve having my face pissed on as a youth called f a g got by boys in !an el camino with erections. Who is gay in that situation?
    Anywho to twist Dolly and Bill Shakespeare.
    I am just travelin thru but like the lark Like to the lark at break of day arising / From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;”

  14. Mothy67 says:

    Three of my favorite things which crawdad hole has helped me remember
    sonnet 29
    When in disgrace with Fortune and men’s eyes,

    I all alone beweep my outcast state,

    And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

    And look upon my self and curse my fate,

    Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

    Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,

    Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,

    With what I most enjoy contented least,

    Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,

    Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

    (Like to the lark at break of day arising

    From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate,

    For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,

    That then I scorn to change my state with kings.”

    • Mothy67 says:

      Ugh no wordsworth
      She Dwelt among the Untrodden Ways
      William Wordsworth

      She dwelt among the untrodden ways
      Beside the springs of Dove,
      A Maid whom there were none to praise
      And very few to love:

      A violet by a mossy stone
      Half hidden from the eye!
      —Fair as a star, when only one
      Is shining in the sky.

      She lived unknown, and few could know
      When Lucy ceased to be;
      But she is in her grave, and, oh,
      The difference to me!

  15. taw46 says:

  16. Mothy67 says:

    She Dwelt among the Untrodden Ways
    William Wordsworth

    She dwelt among the untrodden ways
    Beside the springs of Dove,
    A Maid whom there were none to praise
    And very few to love:

    A violet by a mossy stone
    Half hidden from the eye!
    —Fair as a star, when only one
    Is shining in the sky.

    She lived unknown, and few could know
    When Lucy ceased to be;
    But she is in her grave, and, oh,
    The difference to me!

  17. Mothy67 says:

    Thirdly Chrissy Hines

  18. DeniseVB says:

  19. taw46 says:

    How did I miss this?

  20. lyn5 says:

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