Mad Bum


Madison Bumgarner by the numbers:

Innings pitched: 9

Hits: 4

Runs: 0

Walks: 1

Strike outs: 10

The San Francisco Giants faced the Pittsburgh Pirates in a 1-game do-or-die wildcard game last night in Pittsburgh. The Giants scored eight runs including a grand slam by Brandon Crawford, but thanks to Mad Bum they only needed one.

Some more numbers:

Age: 25

Height: 6 feet 5 inches

Years in Majors: 5

Postseason starts: 7

World Series Championship rings: 2

Grand Slams: 2 (both this year)

Mad Bum’s not-so secret weapon is the snot rocket. Last night he uncorked 9 of them while on the mound, including 3 in the 4th inning.


Mad Bum demonstrates the proper way to blow a snot rocket

Posted in #SFGiants, Baseball | Tagged , | 11 Comments

Lily Claire Day Three: Going Home


My Awesome New Granddaughter Lily Claire went home today.

There was much rejoicing.

This is an open thread.


Posted in Uncategorized | 22 Comments

Clown Down

Putting the "Fun" in "Funeral"

Putting the “Fun” in “Funeral”

This is the saddest news since the Reno Clown Car Tragedy of 2006:

‘It’ll be kind of hard to smile': Friends mourn death of ‘Creeky the Clown’ at 98

Floyd V. Creekmore, better known as Creeky the Clown, died last weekend after decades of making people laugh and helping sick children feel better.

Creekmore, of Billings, was 98.

“Creeky was my mentor,” said Lucky Seibert, a fellow Al Bedoo Shrine clown. “He was always striving, and he’d always help you” at clown competitions.

“The clown group grew up around Creeky,” Seibert said. “It’s sad to lose him.”

Seibert said he offered to apply clown makeup one last time for his old friend for use during Creeky’s funeral, but Creekmore elected to be cremated.

“He made a lot of friends nationwide with his clowning,” said Clint Frank, of Billings, whose clown name is Cuddles. “He was kind of the godfather of Al Bedoo clowns.”

In 2012, Creeky earned a mention in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s oldest performing clown. Born July 14, 1916, in Fergus County, Creekmore had been performing since the 1980s and was recognized in February 2012 as “the oldest clown still working” at the age of 95 years, 6 months.

His fellow clowns knew Creekmore not only as a performer, but as a teacher of clowns.

“He taught us by the way he did things,” said Jim Nasby, who’s known as MADD MAXX when he’s sporting clown makeup. “He taught us how to throw a pie right.”

Nasby recalled Creekmore’s 90th birthday celebration. He was so popular that his friends threw him five separate birthday parties, Nasby recalled.

“He and Betty were a wonderful couple,” Nasby said, noting that Creekmore’s wife died two years ago at age 96. “I think part of the reason he died was of loneliness.”

It is considered bad manners to cry at a clown funeral. We honor our brothers in greasepaint by laughing.


This is an open thread.


RIP Creeky, 1916-2014

Posted in Clowns | Tagged | 155 Comments

Pillow Demons

dream big

I have just learned that I am haunted by some kind of evil pillow spirit.


TRANSLATION: pillow flipper
ALTERNATE NAMES: makura-kozō
HABITAT: bedrooms
DIET: none

APPEARANCE: Makura-gaeshi are a kind of zashiki-warashi: a child ghost which haunts specific rooms of a house. They are found all over Japan, though details about them vary from region to region. They take the form of a small child dressed as a Niō, a monk, or a samurai, and appear in bedrooms late at night.

BEHAVIOR: Makura-gaeshi gets it is named for its primary activity: flipping pillows. People who sleep in a room haunted by a makura-gaeshi often wake up to find that their pillow has been flipped and is now at their feet. Makura-gaeshi are also known for other minor pranks, such as running through ashes and leaving dirty footprints around the rooms they haunt.

I have been haunted by a Makura-gaeshi for years, I just didn’t realize it. While I sleep it tosses my pillows on the floor. Sometimes it just pulls the pillowcases off.

When it is feeling extra frisky it steals my shirt and throws it behind the bed. It apparently hates it when I leave things on my nightstand because it dumps those on the floor too. At least once a week it pulls up one or two od the corners of my fitted bottom sheets.

I never see it do these things because it only does stuff while I’m sleeping. It doesn’t seem to be bothered by the gargoyles I put in my room to keep my Psycho Ex-Girlfriend away.

This is an open thread.

Taggart, aka "Tag"

Taggart, aka “Tag”

Posted in Uncategorized | 146 Comments

IT’S A GIRL!!!!!



She weighed in at 8 lbs, 7 oz.

Mom and Dad are doing fine.

Still no name yet.

Her name is Lily.

Posted in Uncategorized | 46 Comments

Two Unicorns In Every Pot!

Kitties 010

From the fever swamp called Salon:

We need a new constitution: Here’s how we save American democracy from charlatans, loudmouths and the 1 percent

The most recent NBC/Wall Street Journal poll says that a clear-cut majority is disgusted with the present political scene and retains little hope that future generations will fare as well as we have. As candidates get down and dirty in the lead-up to midterm elections, 60 percent say the country is in a general state of decline. A mere 19 percent of those polled have a favorable opinion of Republicans in Congress; their Democratic colleagues (or “colleagues”) poll at 31 percent. But the most remarkable number is 79: that’s the percentage of the politicized public that presently voices its discontent with the entire American political system as constituted; and fully half of the respondents said “very dissatisfied.”

No one should be surprised. Congress is hated for good reason. It often seems that more representatives represent themselves, and cater to private rather than public interests. Government is meant to be a force for good, for fairness; not a stepping stone to private wealth and power for narcissists who grow up feeling entitled, or insensitive social climbers who live to pal around with the already privileged. As the Capitol building itself undergoes a facelift, that waggish definition of Capitol Hill, “Hollywood for ugly people,” is becoming more than mere aphorism.

What do the icy critics think of when they think of Congress in 2014? Perhaps it’s that there are too many tired, artless old men with bad haircuts and meaningless flag pins, commingling with Tea Party obstructionists–fatefully prone to insincere pronouncements about “the American people,” “freedom,” “sound policy” and “fresh ideas” as they stumble through misogynist gaffes. It’s known that these guys gravitate toward golf and strong drink. And, for some odd reason, inertia, too.

One thing (that virtually all can agree on) really stinks: Money makes our politics sordid. High-paid lobbyists exert as great a sway as ever. The formerly sanctimonious Eric Cantor, who worked against the interest of working people for years in Congress, gets booted from the House by an even greater ideologue, and promptly joins a Wall Street investment firm. We don’t want to know what he’s being paid. (We do, but we don’t.) It just makes folks angrier. This is hardly meritocracy, but he’s typical of what’s wrong. And for the record, some Democrats have cashed in, too. The system rewards the already privileged.

Though they haven’t articulated it as such, Americans want a new constitution that actually does what the original Constitution was supposed to do: serve the public good.

So, what would that document ideally look like?

It would surely reject outright the decadent, cowardly impulse to fashion a body of laws with special perks designed to prop up the few and wealthy while more or less throwing crumbs to the poor and powerless. Its overall function would be to improve the quality of life across the country, in places big and small. Let’s put it in all caps, and maybe stick it in the Preamble: TO CALL ITSELF A REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY, A NATION MUST BE REASONABLE AND EQUITABLE IN THE DIVISION OF POWER.

That drivel was written by Andrew Burstein and Nancy Isenberg, two professors from Louisiana State University. I am embarrassed to admit they are history professors. Here is a summary of the authors’ proposed reforms:

-It would limit the number of terms a representative or senator could serve, so as to introduce fresh blood from a pool of more visible talent

-Reform the debased Supreme Court by reducing tenure from life to 10 years

-No more fundraising. Period.

-Partisan-directed state legislatures would once and for all be denied the power to gerrymander districts

-Use tax dollars exclusively to fund national political campaigns

-One hundred percent public funding, and a designated campaign season extending months, not years.

-Attend first to the poor (rural and urban alike), those who were born with the fewest opportunities to advance in our highly competitive society – Don’t treat poor people–white, black, Hispanic, Native American–as waste people

-Give everyone a boost, but especially those from traditionally underprivileged areas

-Make college affordable

-Institute a two-year national service commitment, allowing students to obtain college admission at the end of high school–deferred acceptance

-Tax those who will never hurt, who will never feel the loss of a few percentage points in their accrued wealth

-Protect Social Security by increasing the Social Security tax rate of those who earn over a certain amount (say, $300,000) in a given year

-Every day is Earth Day

At least one prominent member of the political intelligentsia has given her approval to the scheme:

That tweet is ironic and amusing, considering that Donna is all three.

Like many of the ideas that emerge from the hallowed bowels of academia, they sound good in the classroom but would be unworkable in the real world. I’m sure you will be surprised to learn that several of their proposals would involve massive increases in funding for education.

The authors never explain why amending the current constitution isn’t a viable option, nor how they propose organizing a constitutional convention. It took considerable effort to get the first constitution drafted and ratified, and the country was much smaller and more homogeneous back then.

Here are a few sentences that should raise the hackles of any civil libertarian or concerned parent:

We must not cheapen the voting privilege by allowing angry nonsense to obtain such credibility.


“Because political ignorance has festered for a long time, the campaign against ignorance must, of necessity, be fairly radical.”


As we cultivate good, inventive, intuitive teachers to open the minds of a rising generation, we must also see to it that the best teachers are not dictated to by having to measure student success through standardized tests.


Make business executives prove themselves patriotic by cooperating with the majority’s interest in this country.

So in order to get “affordable” education, health care, housing, and food as well as a guaranteed “living wage” for everyone, all we have to do is expand the power of government! Of course “some people” will need to be reeducated to cure their ignorance and others will need to be dealt with to prevent them from obstructing these necessary reforms. Providing the greatest good for the greatest number will justify the means necessary to achieve it.

Don’t you agree, comrades?

socialism utopia

Posted in Stupid Should Hurt | Tagged | 142 Comments

This Is Your Brain On Koolaid


What has Glenn Thrush been smoking (and where can I get some?) Seriously, man, the dude is fucking high:

Why Holder Quit
The backstory of how Obama lost his ‘heat shield.’

It’s oddly fitting that Attorney General Eric Holder – a stubbornly independent career prosecutor ridiculed by Barack Obama’s advisers for having lousy political instincts— would nail his dismount.

But Holder, who began his stormy five-plus-year tenure at the Justice Department with his controversial “Nation of Cowards” speech, has chosen what seems to be the ideal (and maybe the only) moment to call it quits after more than 18 months of musing privately about leaving with the president and senior White House adviser Valerie Jarrett, a trio bound by friendship, progressive ideology and shared African-American ancestry.

It was now or never, several current and former administration officials say, and Holder – under pressure to retire from a physician wife worried about a recent health scare, checked the “now” box. “It was a quit-now or never-quit moment,” one former administration official said. “You didn’t want confirmation hearings in 2015 if the Republicans control the Senate. So if he didn’t do it now, there was no way he could ever do it.”

Holder—described by associates as President Obama’s “heat shield” on race and civil rights—sprung it on the president over the Labor Day holidays. Obama didn’t bother to push back as he has in the past, even though staffers say he winces at the prospect of a long confirmation battle, whomever he chooses for the nation’s top law enforcement job.

Holder’s announcement gives Obama several weeks to pick and vet a successor who would face confirmation hearings in the lame-duck session after the midterms. Holder has “agreed to remain in his post until the confirmation of his successor,” a top Justice Department aide said, as an insurance policy against GOP foot-dragging.

His timing also has a personal dimension. The keenly legacy-conscious Holder has never been in better standing, leaving on arguably the highest personal note of his tenure, after a year of progress on his plan to reform sentencing laws and just after his well-received, calming-the-waters trip to Ferguson, Missouri, during the riots in August. In a background email to reporters, a senior Justice Department official struck a victory-lap tone, writing, “The Attorney General’s tenure has been marked by historic gains in the areas of criminal justice reform and civil rights enforcement. The last week alone has seen several announcements related to these signature issues.”

“Nail his dismount?” He hasn’t actually dismounted yet. Holder is still the AG and will likely remain so for at least the next couple of months, if not longer. “Stubbornly independent” doesn’t even pass the laugh test. Holder may be the most partisan and political attorney general ever. He is one of Obama’s most loyal henchmen.

Holder’s tenure as AG has definitely been stormy, but not because of his “nation of cowards” speech. As for this being the ideal time to quit, most people have been asking “why now?”

Buried several paragraphs down in the article Thrush finally mentions that Holder was not the most popular AG ever:

That’s a striking contrast to the defensive posture of the last few years, when Holder became the first sitting Cabinet official to be found in contempt of Congress. Hill Republicans, who have warred with Holder for years, greeted his departure with don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-way-out glee. “I welcome the news that Eric Holder will step down as Attorney General,” said House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte, in an email. “From Operation Fast and Furious to his misleading testimony before the House Judiciary Committee regarding the Department’s dealings with members of the media and his refusal to appoint a special counsel to investigate the IRS’ targeting of conservative groups, Mr. Holder has consistently played partisan politics with many of the important issues facing the Justice Department.”

Six paragraphs of good stuff, one paragraph of negative stuff, then five paragraphs about Holder’s possible replacements. This is classic “burying the lede” which is one of the techniques that journalists use to deceive people without actually lying. They know that most people will just skim the headlines and the first few paragraphs of a story.

Ask the average person about “Operation Fast and Furious” and if they recognize that name at all they will tell you it’s a movie franchise starring that guy who died in a car crash. The mainstream media has studiously avoided talking about the infamous gun-running operation that led to the death of Border Patrol agent Brian Terry.

Eric Holder is the worst Attorney General in my lifetime, and that period includes Ed Meese and Alberto Gonzales. Putting him in charge of the Department of Justice was a travesty.

Posted in Uncategorized | 116 Comments